Sometimes; just when I think I have my son figured out...

Discussion in 'Family Life - Stories, Pictures & Updates' started by Momagain1, Mar 14, 2011.

  1. Momagain1

    Momagain1 Chillin' With My Peeps

    Feb 13, 2011
    Central IL
    he just makes me rethink it all!

    He has severe adhd and moderate clinical depression, super low self esteem --
    its not like we tore him down etc ya know..just him internalizing normal discipline to him..seemed like we hated him...
    he was physically bullied in public schools...could NOT handle the extreme rigidity of certain teachers -- he needed to fidget w/hands and they
    would not allow him to do so...they'd give detentions after detentions and after a while..he started just not doing their work et...which of course..landed
    him (rightly so) in in-school detention...
    so then the kids would pick/bully him MORE-so...and the first time he was PHYSICALLY bullied he was on the ground, face down, in a headlock and the kid was
    rib punching him..my son is in TKDo and he can defend himself; but in our school our master instructor does not allow the kids to use TKDo to defend themselves
    unless its life/death..so he took his hand/fist and popped the kid in the mouth while he was on ground face down..
    --there were no teachers around and no other students...

    so they both got suspended...

    which of course made J a target even more...(now I dont profess my son is an angel!! I know better!)
    then his self confidence went to the toilet; remember we're dealing with a kid with moderate clinical depression (runs in my family..my eldest dd was severely depressed/suicidal for a while) ugh..
    so then he acted up more..didnt do homework; started flunking...
    we had meeting after meeting after meeting, detention after detention after detention..
    504 plans, IEP's etc..the school followed them for a SHORT time..then fell back onto "he should just act right-- the other kids dont get rewards for acting right..why should he" so
    they'd stop with the reward system..which when it was used..his grades went back to A/B's and he loved school...when the school slacked on what they were legally supposed to do,
    it went right to pot again...
    very long story short; one of the really rigid teachers, who I just know in my heart; hated Jeron, called me one day when he misunderstood what I said to do...he said to her that he wasnt supposed to do
    her work in class; that he had to bring it home..
    well what I had really said was; "Jeron, whatever work you do in class; bring home and we'll do it at home (meaning finish it!!)..
    she got angry and called me in front of him, said a lot of angry statements but the one that stuck with me and HIM..is: "Jeron is nothing but a waste of air/space in my classroom!"

    yep I called the principal..he said he'd ck into it..she admitted to saying things she shouldnt have said..no discipline was brought to her tho..

    kept going on and on..the same ole stuff..later on...there was no witnesses; just Jeron against another kid..the kid said jeron was going to stab him in the neck w/a fork..
    there was video..nothing happened; J didnt even go by this kid...but Jeron was suspended rest of school yr..then they called up 2 days b4 school ended and said c'mon bafck..

    I said no thanks..and now we homeschool...
    I honestly DISLIKE homeschooling; I am not the leave it to beaver mom who likes to cook, clean and school my children..
    I'm not your stereotypical woman...I'd rather be running my business, out in the workforce etc..but my priority is to my family...
    DH/I made a vow to never put another child of ours into any sort of daycare; after our eldest DD was sexually abused there...

    we've kept that vow..

    so here I sit...was despising another day of homeschooling..but my son surprised me...
    he got up after I went back to bed (I have migraines..and can usually head one off if I lay down)....cleaned the living room ....did his math; he got a c+ on it (graded on computer automatically),
    he read his Mystery of History book; chapter on Stonehenge and made the "younger" activity; where he built his own stonehenge out of large rocks and superglue...we'll do the middle grade students one tomorrow..
    got his science crystal growing box out and read the instructions, got them all ready to do..and when I got up..he did his experiment while I supervised...

    I'm forgoing english and spelling today as I dont feel good enough to teach it...

    but just when I think I have him figured out..he blows my mind and steps up to do it on his own...this rarely happens...
    he must be having a "good self esteem" day...and I'm happy for that...

    Now; does anyone have any ideas/help/hints/tricks to help his self esteem?? its still low; but not to the point where he goes to bed and cries anymore...
    to those who homeschool; how do you keep your cool? I go absolutely batty...remember; my husband works every other week 77 hrs and he isnt able
    to help me at all...

    ideas? tips? tricks? curriculum thats great for a 13 yr old 7th grader?? we need a science one and I despise my english one...I am going to ICHE national convention in Naperville IL in june
    to get more curriculum for 8th grade tho...
     
  2. Sonoran Silkies

    Sonoran Silkies Flock Mistress

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    Tempe, Arizona
    First of all, I think you need to vary "rewards"; both the type (verbal versus physical) and the strength; ideally, you want him to feel the satisfaction of accomplishing his work simply by doing it, and doing it well. And "accidentally" letting him overhear you praise his efforts and accomplishments, and how proud you are of him when talking to someone else (dad, your parents, a friend, etc.) should have even more of an impact than just telling him directly. Also, make sure you recognise his EFFORTS, not necessarily his ACCOMPLISHMENTS. Kids tend to live up (or down) to our expectations, so make sure your goals for him are high. My honest opinion is that he KNEW you were having problems, and was stepping up, showing you what he is capable of, so that you would not have to worry and stress over his work. Thank him for helping you out, and let him know that you are very proud of his self-motivation.

    The story of what your poor child had to go through--that is a TERRIBLE teacher to have made that comment, and she should have been SERIOUSLY disciplined, if not fired. The school's lack of following through on REQUIRED FEDERAL 504 Plans is a HUGE liability on their part, and I honestly think you need to report it; even if you will not put your child back there, OTHER kids can be affected negatively by their lack of follow-through.
     
  3. ODS-n-ENS FARM

    ODS-n-ENS FARM Chillin' With My Peeps

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    Sep 16, 2008
    NH
    Quote:I whole heartedly agree with this!

    The law states:"to ensure that all children with disabilities have available to them a free appropriate public
    education that emphasizes special education and related services designed to meet their unique needs
    and prepare them for employment and independent living"
    My understanding is if your school district can not acomodate him they must pay for him to go to a school that can.

    http://www2.ed.gov/about/offices/list/osers/index.html
     
  4. Momagain1

    Momagain1 Chillin' With My Peeps

    Feb 13, 2011
    Central IL
    Quote:I whole heartedly agree with this!

    The law states:"to ensure that all children with disabilities have available to them a free appropriate public
    education that emphasizes special education and related services designed to meet their unique needs
    and prepare them for employment and independent living"
    My understanding is if your school district can not acomodate him they must pay for him to go to a school that can.

    http://www2.ed.gov/about/offices/list/osers/index.html

    They CAN or could have; they just didnt follow through more than a week or two..
    and yes; the mtgs we had were IEP mtgs over and over and had calls into his spec. ed coordinator etc..
    it was neverending..and they would NOT get with the program..they'd do it..but fall off the wagon...

    ugh...SOME of the teachers didnt even know he had accomodations!!! AND some of the teachers did NOT
    give him the use of accomodations; IE: extra time on assignments (due to his extreme ADHD/disorganization..he'd lose stuff and have to do over..)
    they would let him do it over; but mark him down for lateness...ugh...even tho it was on his IEP..they siad it was teacher discretion..so basically
    if they thought he was jerking them around or just screwing around..they'd not allow him to "have extra time w/o being penalized"...

    so after I wrote this earlier...he had a major mental breakdown..said he felt like everything was coming in on him and he was being pressurized..
    I honestly didnt know what to do...he just cried and cried and couldnt even deal with his sister..albeit she was being a butt..she's 5 lol...
     
  5. justbugged

    justbugged Head of the Night Crew for WA State

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    Enumclaw
    Have you tried unschooling your son? I got 2 kids through the years until they could start Community College. The kids here can start CC at 16. Both kids were unschooled. There are many paths in life and not every one is going to become a doctor or a lawyer. It's okay to enjoy you child and let him learn the real things in life. Let him balance your checkbook. It's okay you can do it after he does it. There are so many things that public school doesn't teach. My son was in deep trouble by the time he was in second grade. We unschooled. He learned to work. So many kids today don't have any idea how to work. My son had a full-time job at the county road operations by the time he was eighteen, he still out works a lot of the guys there, and he is still the youngest guy employed by the county road ops.
     
  6. Momagain1

    Momagain1 Chillin' With My Peeps

    Feb 13, 2011
    Central IL
    no, I personally would go crazy w/unschooling...

    I have to have a structure; HE, with his severe ADHD has to have a structure...

    so we have structure in the form of curriculum that is not too much reading and HANDS on ..
    with math he has immediate gratification of instant gradeing..and that REALLY helps...

    honestly; I DONT WANT to homeschool him til he is graduated..I honestly DONT...
    I'd like to get him settled enough to where he is able to go to HS...but I dont see it happening anytime
    soon...
     
  7. SillyChicken

    SillyChicken Overrun With Chickens

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    Jan 12, 2010
    Whats he really good at? something that would distinguish him from others.

    I was similar to him in school. I'm sure if ADHD had a name when I was in school, I would have been labled with it. Some improvement came just from growing up, but I had Low SE, depression, I hated myself, I was bullied, low grades etc... Till my art teacher saw some talent. It seemed like after someone recognized something special about me, all my grades shot up, I even had a goal for my future. I was voted most artistic in HS. It helped make a difference so I could grow beyond what I felt about myself.
     
  8. Momagain1

    Momagain1 Chillin' With My Peeps

    Feb 13, 2011
    Central IL
    all I'm ever told about him is he is EXTREMELY loving to ppl in need.

    case/point:

    we had a massive fire here in our small town of 2700 last yr...
    we went downtown to look ..it was a historic building in our town..
    well apparently there was a lady sitting ont he side of the curb crying..
    no one was by her...he left my side and walked to her, sat down with
    her put his arm around her and just sat there..
    I'm kinda freakin' out like uMMM>....who is she..what? why is he doing this
    she's a stranger...

    come to find out; he was a super blessing to her as her friend, her best friend
    went BACK INTO the fire to save a lizard and hadnt came back out yet.. (she passed away)..

    another one:
    last wk my pastors wife was crying during the song set at church; he went to her and sat
    with his arm around her shoulders and gave her tissues..

    I mean he's so compassionate and kind hearted...but he's so hard headed for change..ugh..

    other than that..he likes to build w/his legos..he can build crazy good things...
    really he has no talents persay..

    today has been a slow school day; I'm still not feeling the best...
    he's read his history chapter again..
    he did a math lesson -- a test got an 88 B on it..thats happy mom grade!
    now he's doign a spelling lesson...
     
  9. silkieroo

    silkieroo Chillin' With My Peeps

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    Apr 14, 2010
    Durham NH
    I'm homeschooled right now and let me just say it is the BEST thing that has ever happened to me!! I used to get awful migraines in school and i suffer from mild depression so school for me SUCKED! I had plenty of friends but i hated school! Homeschool adds so much more freedom to focus on what you like as a student! But i do understand its not for everyone... I am not aware of your financial situation but have you considered a private school or even a charter school?

    As for the time being i LOVED Jump in!(if you search Jump in homeschool writing curriculum it should come up) Also if you are having trouble teaching there are several resources online where your son can take online classes. You might also want to consider finding a local homeschool group they have lots of activities and classes through the group lots of times. And I'm sure there will be kids there with problems just like him if not worse. Oh also i just remembered... I'm not sure what your religious stand point is but as far as a science textbook goes Exploring creation with general science was what i did for 7th grade and it is STILL my favorite science textbook! And it comes with tests and a structured plan to follow!

    Good Luck!
    Silkieroo
     
  10. Momagain1

    Momagain1 Chillin' With My Peeps

    Feb 13, 2011
    Central IL
    Thanks..I'll ck into what you suggested;

    charter/private == not in our budget..very very tight budget
    homeschooling groups -- around here you pay to belong AND the closest one is 40 min drive one way...
    Strong christian background/religion; our history we love is Mystery of History... religious based with scientific studies thrown in..very good
    rounded curriculum..

    will ck into the other you suggested!
     

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