Sort of freaked out

[gambler]

Quote:
That does not work either. Wives do exactly the same thing. Mine was in charge of the books and ran up $30,000 in CC debt and decided to walk away from 2 kids and 21yrs of marriage. So it is not just a man thing. I learned a lesson on keeping my nose in the financial books.

 

[WingingIt]

Quote:
That does not work either. Wives do exactly the same thing. Mine was in charge of the books and ran up $30,000 in CC debt and decided to walk away from 2 kids and 21yrs of marriage. So it is not just a man thing. I learned a lesson on keeping my nose in the financial books.

I agree with gambler and I'm a wife who does do all the financial stuff in our marriage. It easily goes both ways. I've known both men and women over the years who've turned out to not be the people we thought they were when they pulled something like that. With us, with DH being gone for long periods of time, it obviously fell to me to pay bills and such, but when he gets home I always fill him in on where we are financially and if anything big comes up while he's deployed, I tell him about it.

I'm sorry for your friend. What a lousy way to find out your husband isn't who you thought he was. I hope she can get in court soon because he needs to be paying his part to support the kids. I HATE when people think they can just walk away from their kids and end responsibility because they want to be single and party or just not be responsible. Well, that's not right and I hope the judge sticks it to him.

 

[urban escapee]

What a horrible situation.

Don't know what state your in but in TX this guy would be in deep doo. TX is a no fault divorce state and everything gets split 50/50 money and debts.

Have her contact the state attorney generals office, she should be able to get reinstated on the insurance at a minimum and possibly some standard amount of child support until the dust settles.

 

[gertiie]

She is a woman of God. God will provide. She will have the faith to get through this .
The man, it will come around eventually and bite him in the butt. He might be ahead in the
game right now, but he will not prosper. She and the children will. As long as she keeps her faith.

It is sad, but it does happen. Happened to my mom , and she has been blessed 10 fold . I never remember
being hungry or needing anything. We always had a a roof over our head and clothes on our backs.
My mom is my hero .

 

[Mattemma]

All the financial gurus like SUZE and CLARK say a woman should keep a personal account and credit cards seperate from the dh. The woman can get a lawyer and force child support payments,but she will never recoupe the money he stole from the accounts.Shameful of him.What a loser the other woman gained,but ofcourse she doesn't see it that way......yet.

That loser is lucky he doesn't get hurt by someone really annoyed by his actions.

 

[australorpchick]

I have WHAT in my yard? :

I just talked to some one else about this IRL and was stunned yet again. The woman I was talking to blamed the whole thing on the wife. Not saying she had any part of cheating or anything but, "She should have known better. She should have taken better care of herself. She must not have been giving him what he needed."

I was - and am - incensed!

When I left my first husband I left him half of everything and his dignity (there hadn't been much of that.) I was angry and hurt at him, but I never would have left him destitute. And I cannot comprehend men who leave their kids and wives like this. ChickInDelight' s story is a wonderful lesson, but I am assuming your X must have had some mental health issue or something that let you forgive him??

I suspect this friend's soon to be X has something going on too, but it sure doesn't look like it right now.

Really, if not mental health break down what possesses a man to do this??

I can see where this other person was coming from - not the whole blaming or giving him what he needed thing, but the taking care of herself. For years I always told a family member, who did not want to work and really wasn't that much of a homemaker, to always make sure she was in a position that she could take care of herself and her children. Do not rely or expect anyone else to take care of you and yours, except God and yourself. She would laugh and blow it off. Until her X decided not to come home anymore and stopped having his paychecks deposited into the account she had access to. It has since worked out and finally, at the age of almost 40, she is learning to be self-reliant.

Forgot to add, this is a horrible thing this guy did. Prayers for your friend and her children.​

 

[I have WHAT in my yard?]

Quote:
Sadly, this is not what her bishop said. He told her she needed to stand by her man and that divorce was not allowed by clergy. He told her women were meant to stand by their man no matter how he sins and that if Elizabeth Edwards had stood by her man things might have turned out differently for her.... He told her to look at Hillary instead and see how things have turned out fine for her.

yep he said that - implied that god killed Elizabeth Edwards for failing to stand by her cheating man.

Her congregation however is standing by her and has said they are OK with her divorce. She said she had to file to protect the kids and their rights. Otherwise she had no legal protection for herself or the kids. She said she would never remarry.

Couples should keep an eye on the finances and yes both people are responsible for themselves. I just hate the idea that people should spend their entire marriage keeping a paranoid eye on their spouse. I know it happens. But, I can't live that way.

 

[sfw2]

I have WHAT in my yard? :

Quote:
Sadly, this is not what her bishop said. He told her she needed to stand by her man and that divorce was not allowed by clergy. He told her women were meant to stand by their man no matter how he sins and that if Elizabeth Edwards had stood by her man things might have turned out differently for her.... He told her to look at Hillary instead and see how things have turned out fine for her.

yep he said that - implied that god killed Elizabeth Edwards for failing to stand by her cheating man.

Her congregation however is standing by her and has said they are OK with her divorce. She said she had to file to protect the kids and their rights. Otherwise she had no legal protection for herself or the kids. She said she would never remarry.

Couples should keep an eye on the finances and yes both people are responsible for themselves. I just hate the idea that people should spend their entire marriage keeping a paranoid eye on their spouse. I know it happens. But, I can't live that way.

I'm speechless.

 

[cassie]

Quote:
She trusted the SO other too, and never dreamed he would do such a thing. Just sayin'.

 

[cassie]

Quote:
Sadly, this is not what her bishop said. He told her she needed to stand by her man and that divorce was not allowed by clergy. He told her women were meant to stand by their man no matter how he sins and that if Elizabeth Edwards had stood by her man things might have turned out differently for her.... He told her to look at Hillary instead and see how things have turned out fine for her.

yep he said that - implied that god killed Elizabeth Edwards for failing to stand by her cheating man.

Her congregation however is standing by her and has said they are OK with her divorce. She said she had to file to protect the kids and their rights. Otherwise she had no legal protection for herself or the kids. She said she would never remarry.

Couples should keep an eye on the finances and yes both people are responsible for themselves. I just hate the idea that people should spend their entire marriage keeping a paranoid eye on their spouse. I know it happens. But, I can't live that way.

I'm speechless.

That bishop is not a man of God. He may think he is, but he isn't. I would personally like to tell him that if he wants to know what the devil looks like, all he needs to do is to just look in the mirror.......