Teen just "can't" be kind to sister (rant).

[Chickenmaven]

I am really bothered by my 17 y.o. son's attitude toward his sister (who is 15 y.o.). Last night, he threw a big fit when I asked him to include his sister in some plans he has to have friends over to our house. The "plans" involved inviting people from his theater group over to eat pizza and watch a DVD version of the play they will put on this spring. My hubby & I thought we'd leave the group, go out to dinner, order pizza for the entire group, DD included. She would have the option of watching the movie (think My Fair Lady, the King & I, etc.)

or she could go chill in her room.

Son threw a big fit - "No way. You are not going to force me to hang out with her. I will just take the DVD somewhere else." To make things clear - this young man has a very active & independent social life. He has a car & money and gets to go many places. We welcome his friends into our home all the time. All these friends are friendly and nice to the entire family, including DD. I have never, ever forced him to take her with him to the movies, mall, etc. So I was just soooo angry that he refused to be "forced" to interact with his sister for a couple of hours. She is a very sweet, shy kid, who doesn't have alot of friends. I told him that I am ashamed of him. And I am! He is not a nice or empathetic person.

I wasn't making him take to her prom or something - for crying out loud! Anyway DH is angry, too. Wants to revoke DS's car access for the weekend...

 

[deb1]

I don't know what to tell you. Has he always been this way towards her or was it just for one time?

I think that I would sit him down when I was calm and talk to him about family. YOur friends come and go but family is always going to be with you.

.

 

[GaNewChick]

Dr. Phil just had this on his show yesterday ~ you might can find some info on it if you go to his website. Pretty interesting the long term effect this can have on children.

 

[deb1]

Maybe your son reacted so badly because you sprung this on him at the last moment.

 

[SarahFair]

Maybe some of his friends has a crush on his sister..
And dont ask him if she can stay!
That is her house too! She can eat and watch the TV where she lives!!

 

[deb1]

Could he be doing something with his friends that he doesn't want you to know about? I hate to sound suspicious but his attitude seems a bit extreme for his sister just sitting there watching movies.

 

[Wildsky]

My siblings and I didn't get along till we were in our 20's.... in our teens, we avoided each other at all costs. We all thought the other was stupid and a pain in the rear....
We were probably all very similar, but it took till we got into our 20's until we could actually enjoy each others company and have a good laugh etc. together.

Give it time....

 

[Chickenmaven]

Quote:
I checked that out - the website. I do not think he is abusive, physically. They are not around eachother that much. He is a very busy, social butterfly type. I think he is so into himself & into being Mr. Cool that it is a burden for him to tolerate her. Shame on him!
The one thing that the Dr. Phil website mentioned that did resonate with me was something about empathy. I think DS does not wish to sympathize or empathize with anyone who might need a friend or need to feel included. My husband told DS that this need to have things his way is "shallow." I agree, what the heck(!), he cannot hang out with his sister in our home for two hours?????
We are going to take DD with us if we go out to dinner. This entire thing feels like a punishment. DH and I have to choose between having a nice meal out together or leaving DD to feel alone and rejected. Again, she is a very sweet person, there have never been issues of her annoying/teasing DS and his friends...I dunno.

 

[SarahFair]

Quote:
I checked that out - the website. I do not think he is abusive, physically. They are not around eachother that much. He is a very busy, social butterfly type. I think he is so into himself & into being Mr. Cool that it is a burden for him to tolerate her. Shame on him!
The one thing that the Dr. Phil website mentioned that did resonate with me was something about empathy. I think DS does not wish to sympathize or empathize with anyone who might need a friend or need to feel included. My husband told DS that this need to have things his way is "shallow." I agree, what the heck(!), he cannot hang out with his sister in our home for two hours?????
We are going to take DD with us if we go out to dinner. This entire thing feels like a punishment. DH and I have to choose between having a nice meal out together or leaving DD to feel alone and rejected. Again, she is a very sweet person, there have never been issues of her annoying/teasing DS and his friends...I dunno.

Yes but taking her is also letting your son get his way is it not??

 

[Whispering Winds]

Quote:
I checked that out - the website. I do not think he is abusive, physically. They are not around eachother that much. He is a very busy, social butterfly type. I think he is so into himself & into being Mr. Cool that it is a burden for him to tolerate her. Shame on him!
The one thing that the Dr. Phil website mentioned that did resonate with me was something about empathy. I think DS does not wish to sympathize or empathize with anyone who might need a friend or need to feel included. My husband told DS that this need to have things his way is "shallow." I agree, what the heck(!), he cannot hang out with his sister in our home for two hours?????
We are going to take DD with us if we go out to dinner. This entire thing feels like a punishment. DH and I have to choose between having a nice meal out together or leaving DD to feel alone and rejected. Again, she is a very sweet person, there have never been issues of her annoying/teasing DS and his friends...I dunno.

We had 5 teenagers at the same time. They all got along as well as could be expected, luckily we had enough BR's for everyone to sort of have their own space. But, one thing I learned. I don't care how "good or sweet, or kind or smart or respectful" teens are, they are usually plotting something. I wouldn't leave them alone again for anything. Our oldest daughter was really a good kid, but that didn't stop her from doing some really crazy things . . .sheesh.