Teen just "can't" be kind to sister (rant).

[deb1]

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I checked that out - the website. I do not think he is abusive, physically. They are not around eachother that much. He is a very busy, social butterfly type. I think he is so into himself & into being Mr. Cool that it is a burden for him to tolerate her. Shame on him!
The one thing that the Dr. Phil website mentioned that did resonate with me was something about empathy. I think DS does not wish to sympathize or empathize with anyone who might need a friend or need to feel included. My husband told DS that this need to have things his way is "shallow." I agree, what the heck(!), he cannot hang out with his sister in our home for two hours?????
We are going to take DD with us if we go out to dinner. This entire thing feels like a punishment. DH and I have to choose between having a nice meal out together or leaving DD to feel alone and rejected. Again, she is a very sweet person, there have never been issues of her annoying/teasing DS and his friends...I dunno.

We had 5 teenagers at the same time. They all got along as well as could be expected, luckily we had enough BR's for everyone to sort of have their own space. But, one thing I learned. I don't care how "good or sweet, or kind or smart or respectful" teens are, they are usually plotting something. I wouldn't leave them alone again for anything. Our oldest daughter was really a good kid, but that didn't stop her from doing some really crazy things . . .sheesh.

Yeah. I hate to think this way, but maybe the mom should do some snooping in the boy's room. Social butterflies sometimes really want to make everyone like them and might be willing to go along with some crazy stuff.

I know. Snooping on your kids are frowned on, but the son does seem to be overreacting a bit and I would wonder why.

 

[vicki2x2]

My oldest was very much like this. Very shallow, self centered and wouldn't be caught dead hanging out with his sister. He was/is very popular and that was very important to him. In fact, I think he was a bit embarrassed by all of us, because we didn't make enough money and we have animals! He wanted to be like his rich friends, big fancy houses, no animals except maybe a dog. Friends were more important than school and even though he was/is extremely bright, he did just enough to get by in high school. It was very frustrating.

Don't get me wrong, he is basically a good kid, and we love him, and he is now learning. He moved out at 18 after he graduated. Thought he could get a student loan, didn't need to do all that applying for grants and stuff, no big deal. Got a $15K loan on his own because he had a decent job, and blew through it in a year by living on it and going to college. Now the last two years, he has had to work 2 jobs and go to school part time and he struggles, but he is making it and taking life more seriously. He is growing up. He is nicer to his sister too!

 

[Chickenmaven]

I think Vicki hit the nail on the head - it is a maturity issue. My son IS a nice person. I have great hope for his future. It just steamed me that he would think he could dictate our home life. Plus, I am hurt that he would reject DD. She has put up with crud from other kids & it has been hard. She doesn't need this at home.

I spoke with my mom this morning & she was indignant. She said, "Tell him Granny said, 'you don't turn on your family'." My mom is smart!

 

[They Call Me Pete]

Sounds like he needs a good ol butt wuppin. I had a car/money at 17 but never disrespected my family. Pull the car on Mr. social butterfly to knock him down a few notches. My sisters took their little brother places w/friends. Good Luck

Edited for language. ~Lisa~​

 

[fowltemptress]

I was hurt when I was a teenager and my cousin told his mother he refused to let me hang out with him and his friends anymore . . . we'd always been close before, it came as a shock. Turned out several of his friends would make lewd and suggestive comments about me that made him feel uncomfortable, so he understandably wanted to limit my contact with them. Are you sure something like that isn't going on?

 

[GrayDragon]

Chiming in as an oldest sibling:

My mother often made me take my sisters along. And even though I liked my sisters just fine (sometimes), I hated having to bring them along. For better or for worse, they were younger than I was and thus occasionally to immature for topics we wanted to discuss. Additionally, they both tended to be tattletales. But the worst part was they were determined to make my friends into their friends, and would often either embarrass me to do it, or simply be disruptive in their bids for attention. This was usually made worse when my mother wasn't around to provide some level of supervision.

My mother's insistence that I include them did more to drive a wedge than create a strong family bond.

 

[fowltemptress]

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Yes. This.

 

[agnes_day]

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exactly! if my kids were to even try pulling that, they would be so grounded. that is very rude and obnoxious.

 

[agnes_day]

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We had 5 teenagers at the same time. They all got along as well as could be expected, luckily we had enough BR's for everyone to sort of have their own space. But, one thing I learned. I don't care how "good or sweet, or kind or smart or respectful" teens are, they are usually plotting something. I wouldn't leave them alone again for anything. Our oldest daughter was really a good kid, but that didn't stop her from doing some really crazy things . . .sheesh.

Yeah. I hate to think this way, but maybe the mom should do some snooping in the boy's room. Social butterflies sometimes really want to make everyone like them and might be willing to go along with some crazy stuff.

I know. Snooping on your kids are frowned on, but the son does seem to be overreacting a bit and I would wonder why.

i dont think snooping is bad at all..i regularly check my kids rooms, their computer etc..i tell them that as long as i am supporting them, they have limited rights to privacy.

 

[saddina]

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Agreed, so what girls are comming over? Do you really think he's planning to watch my fair lady while mom and dad go out for a few hours and he has friends over? My bet is it'll be a makeout party and sis there will spoil his good time.

If he's not mature enough to show consideration for others, is he mature enough to bring a bunch of teens over when you're not there?