Teen just "can't" be kind to sister (rant).

[007Dawn]

Quote:
Who said everyone had to leave? I just meant why does he HAVE to have his sister present? I grew up with 5 brothers and sisters and there were times one of us would have friends over and the others were to find something else to do. There is nothing wrong with that.

Why are people so hard on teens suck it up and deal with it? or move out and pay for his own? Hell no wonder we have a bunch of angry rebellious teens.

Wow. Someone is getting a mite defensive...

Perhaps you should read your own post it was rude and it is nice that you think you know what I was talking about but clearly you didn't. Defensive no just correcting what you are ACCUSING me of. That was out of line.

If you didn't understand what I was saying then you should had asked.

 

[kathleengp]

It doesn't sound at all unreasonable to me.

And don't feel guilty about going out to dinner with just dh and no dd! The marriage needs regular maintenance too - it is the cornerstone upon which the entire family is built. I think too often we parents feel we are not entitled to quality time together but it's just the opposite really - you owe YOUR KIDS quality time with your spouse so that Mom and Dad are always strong, tight, and with any luck, wildly in love - makes for a happy, healthy house with satisfied, focused parents.

Let's face it, time out with dh worrying about whether dd is being mistreated is NOT quality time, is it? DS gets plenty of time alone with his friends, you guys are a family, and everybody works together to make this work. If ds can't be trusted to treat dd with respect and kindness at his age in your absence, then you will have to stay home to supervise. If you can't have a night out with your best friend, then he can't either. Family is rights, yes, but rights ALWAYS come with responsibility. I have the right to drive my car wherever I want - I have the responsibility to do so within the many parameters of the law. He's no different than me or you.

He's not in trouble, but if he is asking to opt out of the responsibilities of the family, he opts out of the rights too because they are inseparable for him just like the rest of us. No responsibility to help out mom and dad and to treat dd with respect and kindness = no right to having friends over, having a car/gas/insurance provided etc. Those are the perks that go with participating in the family.

Just my .02 for what it's worth (which is likely exactly what you paid for it -lol)

 

[GrayDragon]

Quote:
Before my grandmother died I often visited her in the nursing home, and got to talking with some of the others around.

It was kind of funny to me, that some of these older folks would be talking about how teenagers these days just need a whuppin and should treat older folks with respect and if they don't like it they can try living on the streets a while, and then a little while later complaining about how their kids, grandkids, and great grandkids never came by to visit.

Tough love has it's place, but some folks need to remember what it was like to be a teen too.

 

[007Dawn]

Quote:
Before my grandmother died I often visited her in the nursing home, and got to talking with some of the others around.

It was kind of funny to me, that some of these older folks would be talking about how teenagers these days just need a whuppin and should treat older folks with respect and if they don't like it they can try living on the streets a while, and then a little while later complaining about how their kids, grandkids, and great grandkids never came by to visit.

Tough love has it's place, but some folks need to remember what it was like to be a teen too.

Very sweet! I agree. TEenagers sure do have it tough now a day. I'm glad I'm not one anymore!

 

[GrayDragon]

Quote:
For me the toughest part of being a teen was having responsibility but no authority. I was responsible for my siblings, but had no authority over them. That meant I would get in trouble if they did something wrong, but had no power to prevent them from doing anything wrong. In fact, I would often get into trouble for trying to prevent them from behaving badly because I was 'being mean' to them. And then I'd get in trouble for not wanting to be responsible for them.

The teen years are a catch-22. You are expected to act like an adult, but rarely treated like one.

I remember being 19 and driving a car I paid for with my own money, and paying the electrical, gas, and water bills at home (plus the phone, but that was because I wanted internet). I'd even co-signed the loan for the house and used my savings as half the down payment, and regularly covered the grocery bill as well.

I had a date, and my mom got in my face and told me I wasn't go anywhere since my room wasn't clean. Pulled out the 'as long as you live under my roof' line.

I think she was genuinely surprised when she came back from a trip she took over the weekend to find me moved out and the bills left sitting on the table, unpaid.


Both my sisters still live at home, in the house I cosigned for. My credit is a wreck because neither of them contribute to the household finances and my mother doesn't quite make enough money to support everyone, so the mortgage often gets paid late. But hey, they don't exert any independence or expect to be treated with respect or as though their feelings matter, so I guess it all works out.


And it's been over a decade now, and the house hasn't once burned down, exploded, been hit by a meteor, or spontaneously melted into a gaping black hole in the earth because I don't make my bed every morning and often don't do the laundry until I'm out of clean underwear.

 

[007Dawn]

Quote:
For me the toughest part of being a teen was having responsibility but no authority. I was responsible for my siblings, but had no authority over them. That meant I would get in trouble if they did something wrong, but had no power to prevent them from doing anything wrong. In fact, I would often get into trouble for trying to prevent them from behaving badly because I was 'being mean' to them. And then I'd get in trouble for not wanting to be responsible for them.

The teen years are a catch-22. You are expected to act like an adult, but rarely treated like one.

I remember being 19 and driving a car I paid for with my own money, and paying the electrical, gas, and water bills at home (plus the phone, but that was because I wanted internet). I'd even co-signed the loan for the house and used my savings as half the down payment, and regularly covered the grocery bill as well.

I had a date, and my mom got in my face and told me I wasn't go anywhere since my room wasn't clean. Pulled out the 'as long as you live under my roof' line.

I think she was genuinely surprised when she came back from a trip she took over the weekend to find me moved out and the bills left sitting on the table, unpaid.


Both my sisters still live at home, in the house I cosigned for. My credit is a wreck because neither of them contribute to the household finances and my mother doesn't quite make enough money to support everyone, so the mortgage often gets paid late. But hey, they don't exert any independence or expect to be treated with respect or as though their feelings matter, so I guess it all works out.


And it's been over a decade now, and the house hasn't once burned down, exploded, been hit by a meteor, or spontaneously melted into a gaping black hole in the earth because I don't make my bed every morning and often don't do the laundry until I'm out of clean underwear.

I have heard many, many stories like this and I really don't get why it is done. But each of us have different experiences and issues. I'm sorry for you kiddo! Just some how try to remember how to use it in a positive and to be a better person for it in how you treat others. Sometimes that is really hard. I've been there and sometimes I still just can't understand the meanness that is spewed throughout the world and yet I'm guilty of it myself! But I really do pray you have the most wonderful life and that you meet many, many people along the way that will cherish you, support you, encourage you, love you and pray with and for you!

 

[GrayDragon]

I have, and they do

.

I'm pushing 30, not exactly a kid anymore, though I do occasionally indulge in a spat of immaturity. Especially this time of year, when it's easy to sneak a big bag of chocolate into the house and hide it so I don't have to share with the kid or hubby.

Dang bag will last me a month, it's gone in under two days if they find it!

 

[chickenwoman45]

What are we talking about teens for I am one.

 

[punk-a-doodle]

Sure, you can force him to have the sister watch DVDs with him, but in the long run, this is likely to breed hostility, not empathy. Growing up is a process, and things like empathy take time to develop (I definitely can attest to that looking back on my younger years...and I was a pretty darn soppy, empathetic kid). First, focus on quality private/family time for the two of them together. My sibling and I bonded over catching frogs and taking walks. they are older than me and had times when they were developing social skills with kids their own age. Care and respect for each other grew out of sharing good times together, not forcing awkward ones.

 

[mulewagon]

Well, it was a couple of years ago. I think they're all over it now.