12 Years
Apr 8, 2007

> 8:00 am - Dog food! My favorite thing!
> 9:30 am - A car ride! My favorite thing!
> 9:40 am - A walk in the park! My favorite thing!
> 10:30 am - Got rubbed and petted! My favorite thing!
> 12:00 PM - Milk bones! My favorite thing!
> 1:00 PM - Played in the yard! My favorite thing!
> 3:00 PM - Wagged my tail! My favorite thing!
> 5:00 PM - Dinner! My favorite thing!
> 7:00 PM - Got to play ball! My favorite thing!
> 8:00 PM - Wow! Watched TV with the people! My favorite thing!
> 11:00 PM - Sleeping on the bed! My favorite thing!

Day 983 of my captivity.
My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects.
They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while the other inmates and I are fed hash or some sort of dry nuggets. Although I make my contempt for the rations perfectly clear, I nevertheless must eat something in order to keep up my strength. The only thing that keeps me going is my dream of escape. In an attempt to disgust them, I once again vomit on the carpet.

Today I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless body at their feet. I had hoped this would strike fear into their hearts, since it clearly demonstrates my capabilities. However, they merely made condescending comments about what a"good little hunter" I am. Bastards!

There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices tonight. I was placed in solitary confinement for the duration of the event. However, I could hear the noises and smell the food. I overheard that my confinement was due to the power of "allergies." I must learn what this means, and how to use it to my advantage.

Today I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one of my tormentors by weaving around his feet as he was walking. I must try this again tomorrow, but at the top of the stairs. I am convinced that the other prisoners here are flunkies and snitches. The dog receives special privileges. He is regularly released, and seems
to be more than willing to return. He is obviously retarded.

The bird must be an informant. I observe him communicating with the guards regularly. I am certain that he reports my every move. My captors have arranged protective custody for him in an elevated cell, so he is safe. For now...


Premium Feather Member
12 Years
Aug 30, 2007
New York State
My Coop
I've read that somewhere else. It's really true. My dog will go crazy just to see me after 1 hour, while my cat will sit at the top of the stairs and look at me like, "Why should I come down for you?" Thanks for posting that, Tiffany!!
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Not Dutch!
11 Years
Apr 1, 2008
Cats think.
Dogs act.

Cats are sensible.
Dogs are playful.

Cats are pessimistic.
Dogs are optimistic.

Cats are clean-freaks and noblemen. They expect the best and are rather selfish in that they never stop to think that they are lower in society than anyone else. I could swear they think they're ten feet tall. They don't think they need the love of humans - they're fine on their own.
Dogs love messes. They make messes. They are completely and utterly willing to be the page, the servant. All they want is to be loved. They are content with being petted and fed and played with. They also think they're rather tall, but they're content with that and don't feel a longer to be taller. They always expect the best and are surprised and anxious when something goes wrong.

At least, that's what I think.
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Live & Let Live
8 Years
Jan 29, 2011
Quote:Hey it's true. And you forgot an important one, cats aren't pets they're masters! And we're their slaves.

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