Thank you always for you kind words, and understanding exactly what I'm feeling. I never feel like I did enough, but I also know I wouldn't decide such a thing unless I felt in my heart it was the right thing. I often wish I could be like others who make decisions on culling so easily, but maybe I wouldn't like myself than.That is the one I teeter on so often, when has quality of life gone over the edge into not worth living any longer. I knew it with my last dog, but it's easier with a dog, I think, to know when is the right time. They really seem to tell you. Never easier to do, just easier to know when it's right to let them go.
It was hard at first when little Carly had what I think was a stroke, but as her seizures became more and more frequent and she couldn't balance herself well enough to eat and drink, it became more clear that it was right. Never easy, just what had to be done. Your winters are so brutal compared to ours and he would have suffered in it unless you literally moved him into the house, and then, you'd have been thinking you didn't let him go soon enough. Such decisions we must make because they can't do it for themselves. But, I'm sure you are okay with the decision itself, knowing what you know about your birds, just that the sadness has to be traveled through and time has to pass to heal your heart.
I have these pictures in my mind of all the roosters I've loved who have come and gone over the years, more so than the hens. I was so blessed to have had them as long as I did, especially Isaac and Suede. Both went out on their own terms, taking the decision out of my hands, on their feet until the last minute, such valiant and noble creatures. I look at Isaac's painting beside my bed and sometimes, I even tell him how much I miss him. But, now, after two years, it's easier and the great things, I remember about him. You'll have your little guys with you forever and I'm glad you had them, and they had you. Gosh, I love my roosters! I know, I'm insane, but it's just what it is. I wake up every a.m., no matter how early, hearing all the roosters in the neighborhood around me crowing and it makes me smile.
I constantly think about life and death, and the whole meaning of life stuff. I know death happens, my perspective on it changed when I heard the words cancer, and that became part of my story. Life is much too precious to be thrown away lightly. Others would say it's just a chicken, but I say it was my chicken, and it has become a part of my life and story.
I put up a big front, but inside I'm made of jelly. I've always had a soft spot for critters. I used to sit with the dying animals on the farm when I was a kid so they weren't alone. Everyone else was in the house watching tv while I was out sobbing with a sick cat or calf in my hands. I guess I'm feeling sappy and sharing too much tonight. Thanks for listening.