OK folks, time for a little pitty party for myself. I hope I don't offend, and please, do not blast me for this, I just need to unload and you have been chosen as an outlet. You have always been very supportive and kind.
I am the socially inept child in the family, the middle child of 5 daughters. I have always been very super shy and quiet. I have not been very active with my family for years. But that is not because I don't care, but because of my inability to react correctly in social situations. Boy, that sounds bad, the truth is I just never know what to say. Plus, for the last 30 years I have lived no closer than 4 hours away from them. Too many times I have tried to respond to someone and have said the wrong thing and got laughed at or started a fight. So I choose not to say anything at all and lock it all inside. But you can't hold it inside forever, and it will get out and mostly it escapes at the most inopportune time. on the reverse side of this, if you don't say anything, it is assumed that you don't care.
One of my older sisters and I have never been close, but I love her very much. We are very different people and have always seemed to conflict. I was the nerdy, geek of a sister who was an embarrassment to the popular, homecoming queen that she was. from my view of the world, she always let me know it and that feeling has always stuck with me. We never call each other and just talk about life, I never got to know her kids (we lived 4 hours away and hardly ever got together besides Christmas and sometimes Easter). I never sent gifts because I didn't know what to get and if I asked for suggestions I would get a "I don't know, they have everything".
Well, my sister has been battling cancer for the last year. She has responded well to the chemo and radiation, and chose to have a double mastectomy. When her cancer fight started, she had sent out a couple of emails about what was going on, and about her second round of chemo, I had called her to talk and try to give her some support and tell her that I love her. We had talked a little bit about nothing really and then she said "you know you don't have to call me when you get an email" and I said something like "yeah, I am sure that you have a great support network of friends to help you through this" or something stupid, but that is the last time she ever sent me an update about what was going on. I really wanted to let her know that I love her and hope that everything turns out great for her. Anything that I heard was all second hand through my oldest sister.
She mentioned about 3 weeks ago in passing, that she was going to try to have the reconstructive surgery this week if her health insurance would allow it. I think I mumbled something about I hope it all goes well. But I never heard anything else about it. This morning I got a text message - I don't have a clue from who - that said "FWD: In case you haven't gotten word. (your sister) is possibly going back into surgery for the third time this morning. She developed a blood clot and tissue died in one breast after first surgery. Maybe trying a different procedure. Keep her in your prayers ..."
How do I respond to this?!? I am just sitting here at the dining room table with tears in my eyes praying to God to watch over my sister.
I ended up as a FWD: in my family and haven't any idea how to get back in ... I love them all ...