The Front Porch Swing

[perchie.girl]

My day started out bad and got worse and so im taking some time out to collect my thoughts before I do something rash. Got up at 630 and went out to let my babies out. I decided to sit with them a bit since I had blockaded 3/4 of the balcony so I could clean it to try and build my coop today. Started looking at chicks and was discussing how to mark a few of my birds to tell them apart.

Counted once, twice, 3rd time I was like come here and help me double check I think I missed someone. We grabbed my notebook and my daughter was mom where is that brown funny looking one? Well I lost my biggest NN! I went down stairs and my bil is gone and left the gate open so im out a 2mo old bird. So then I was bound an determined to build that coop today.

Yesterday my mil was a handful and ive been raised to respect my elders but I will not accept abuse from anyone! I had gone out and bought 10 ppr pipes that 13 ft long and im carrying them over my shoulder trying to get them inside the compound walls then up 3 stories by myself. My mil was out and started asking me if I was fixing water pipes in my house.

No, these are to make a green house I told her since yesterday she berated me over half a hour as to why I am keeping animals upstairs. It was lie but I just didnt want to hear her again. I told her its my money I will spend it as I see fit and upstairs is my house and no one has the right to tell me what I cant do on my own premises. Well she began and its enough that I only understand half of what she is saying but that my language isnt enough to tell her to mind her own business.

Well after a few minutes I said where is daddy I want to talk to him? Well she headed to the door telling me he is sick I cant talk to him! Well I beat her to another door and she started telling me get out of her house! Well I informed her that THIS HOUSE WAS MINE, MY BIL AND THEIRS AND I WOULD BE DARNED IF I WAS LEAVING IT! They built this house for my husband and his younger brother. They moved into it to protect it from being taken and let their house go to ruin so no one would want it.

Now im a good person but ive had my share of abusevin my life and im lucky to have a good husband. But I found my voice and my backbone and NO ONE WILL TAKE ADVANTAGE OF ME AGAIN. When we came they had a year to fix things but they did nothing and I have a home that needs everything repaired. Now if I was in the states I have all my tools, know where I need to go to buy things and with my skills can fix it but here its a challenge. Power is deadly, nothing is grounded, everything is metric, most is crap supplies, I dont have even the basics of tools and when I do buy stuff it disappears every time my bil HELPS me fix something.

My roof leaks in the bathroom, windows have no screens and are not sealed well so opening a window becomes a issue. Some of the security shutters are broken either up or down and so windows or doors are exposed. I have only salt water in my house but fresh water I either buy or go down 3 flights to lug up giant bottles. A third of the lights no longer work in my house. Half of the outlets. I have one cooler for the whole house. The list goes on.
My bil is a greedy bas$÷@+. And has gotten my inlaws to put everything in nhis name. So if my fil dies he controls everything! And we will most likely have to fight him to get what is rightfully my husbands when dad dies. Momma is senile. Two months before my son died she was upset I didnt say hi to her for a few days. And was berating my husband and my kids. I told her to stop. Well she told me go away and iasked her what I had done to her to deserve this? Next thing she is telling me get out you daughter of a dog...well in my whole life no one has ever called me a female dog!

I approached her asking her why she said this to me? What did I do? She hurried inside and I followed her. My sil came in to the room hearing us arguing. I told her momma called me a dirty word and I wanted to know why. I took my mother in law by the shoulders and said why u called me this? Well she acted like I was killing her. I left and she began telling folks I hit her! I refused to speak to her again. Everyone said ignore her and I told them no I was no ones dog! When my son died I hadnt spoken to her in two months. I said I will not forget nor will I forgive but I will let it pass for honor of my son.

Sorry folks this was long but I learned the only way to heal is get it out of my system. Im gonna get to the bank, try to used this toolvand fix my coop. I gotva storm brewing with his family.

My apologies oldmomma, I had to break this into paragraphs in order to read it. Thats all I did. I wanna come over there and kick butt and take names for you...

Do you thing your Brother in law took one of your chickens?

I realize you chose to live there. You need to find a way to get your husband there to protect you.
I know this is advice and i shouldn't give it. I have been taught to lead by example. But One thing I do know from experience from a friend who was being abused. Oh her husband was loving but he isolated her to the point she wasnt able to visit her own family or work or even allow family to visit her. He was a truck driver and when he was gone he was gone for three or four weeks at a time. Then he retired. He wasnt retired more than a year when he threw her out saying she had stolen money from him. They lived in a state here that has no community property laws. She was able to leave only with the stuff she could pack into her car.

This doesnt all apply to you certainly

But isolation is a form of abuse, control, manipulation,...

Alsheimers goes through several phases... they dont Just loose their memory they can go violent. One of my cousins did... Hitting and screaming. Reasoning doesnt happen because they are incapable of it. Shes in a facility now where she gets good capable care and under a watchful caring eye. So protect yourself and dont expect reasoning to work with your Mother in Law.

I have tried not posting how I felt because I didnt want to be inappropriate. I have no understanding of your whole picture and it would be presumptuous that I could know. All I do know is your posts pull at my heart strings soo much.

I apologize for being forward... but...

deb

 

[Blooie]

My apologies oldmomma, I had to break this into paragraphs in order to read it. Thats all I did. I wanna come over there and kick butt and take names for you...

Do you thing your Brother in law took one of your chickens?

I realize you chose to live there. You need to find a way to get your husband there to protect you.
I know this is advice and i shouldn't give it. I have been taught to lead by example. But One thing I do know from experience from a friend who was being abused. Oh her husband was loving but he isolated her to the point she wasnt able to visit her own family or work or even allow family to visit her. He was a truck driver and when he was gone he was gone for three or four weeks at a time. Then he retired. He wasnt retired more than a year when he threw her out saying she had stolen money from him. They lived in a state here that has no community property laws. She was able to leave only with the stuff she could pack into her car.

This doesnt all apply to you certainly

But isolation is a form of abuse, control, manipulation,...

Alsheimers goes through several phases... they dont Just loose their memory they can go violent. One of my cousins did... Hitting and screaming. Reasoning doesnt happen because they are incapable of it. Shes in a facility now where she gets good capable care and under a watchful caring eye. So protect yourself and dont expect reasoning to work with your Mother in Law.

I have tried not posting how I felt because I didnt want to be inappropriate. I have no understanding of your whole picture and it would be presumptuous that I could know. All I do know is your posts pull at my heart strings soo much.

I apologize for being forward... but...

deb

Deb, I'm gonna stick my nose in. If you had broken one of my posts into paragraphs I would be flattered. It means that the people I'm writing to and pouring my heart out to really WANT to read every word I write and are willing to take the time to make it easier for themselves to do that. I think that's such an act of kindness! I have no problem reading your posts, oldmomma but sometimes I lose my place. To have friends that care about you enough and are concerned enough about you to that they don't want to miss a word is the highest form of respect. I'm proud to call the porch sitters here my friends.

 

[Tomtommom]

Y'all are good people

 

[enola]

Blooie & Deb, you have a way with words that I will never have.....

Oldmamma, if no one else in your life has respect for you, WE do. We may not understand exactly why you want to live in Lybia, but we have TONS of respect for you, as a woman that is as strong in spirit as you are.

I will be the first one of us to step up and say I am not at all sure I am strong enough to live in your world.

Sending you tons of hugs!!!

 

[LindaB220]

Blooie & Deb, you have a way with words that I will never have.....

Oldmamma, if no one else in your life has respect for you, WE do. We may not understand exactly why you want to live in Lybia, but we have TONS of respect for you, as a woman that is as strong in spirit as you are.

I will be the first one of us to step up and say I am not at all sure I am strong enough to live in your world.

Sending you tons of hugs!!!

Definitely x2 on this. I KNOW that I couldn't.

 

[Triple Willow]

Guys, I have a family member in the hospital that needs some serious prayer. They are not doing good at all. Would you guys please pray for them. Thanks much!

 

[Bill Matthews]

Yes for sure...Take care.

 

[Triple Willow]

Yes for sure...Take care.

Thank you.

 

[Oldmomma]

Thank you all and after going to a friends house and venting I feel better. Its hard I liken my journey to my ancestors that I researched for so many years. Out in new territories, pioneers, people who left everything behind to go to find a dream in another land. How many of our ancestors struggled as I am now? But here I got language too. But so did many of my ancestors. Im reliving their lives it seems I got my wish to go back in time.
my husband is a very good man, he accepted me with a LOT of baggage. 2 children, evil ex husband, disfunctional family he knew it all when he married me and loved me unconditionally. None of this was planned. He thought he would be 4 months at most to finish settling our affairs in the usa and back here. But God had other plans. He got sick, so I sent my second son to help him. Then he could not find help with how to ship our belongings to a country where few airlines come and mail service doesnt exist and no one seems to know anything. To give you an example we opened a bank account here 2 yrs ago. I didnt know the account number for a year, his brother never told me. Then it was only in ky husbands name since my bil said I had no need to touch money! Then my husband said put her name on the account. It took 6 hours and 2 days to get my name on the account. Then if I wanted money I had to bring someone with me to explain what I needed since no one in the bank spoke english. Then one man continued to harassing me everytime I came to take money asking me where was my husband? Yesterday after 2 yrs of having the account we finally got checks for the account. My husband wired through a friend a large sum of money. Banks here dont work internationally so you have to send money to people who have business connections in both countries. Then you got to trust that person. Well with the turmoil in the city and if things should get bad I didnt want to have the money in the bank. So I took someone with me to withdrawl most of the deposit. Imagine going into a bank with no guards, to a counter lined with people all looking and seeing your every move and then a teller handing you a LARGE sum of cash that you tuck into a bag and walking out to your car alone. Yep....thats life here. Anyway I have to wait for tickets so my son can go back, put the house in his name, pack the house still, then hubby can come and we wait 2 months for the ship to arrive IF THERE IS SAFE PORTS we will then have our household which we have no place to put it and im not lugging it up 3 stories. Ive been married 27 yrs and been happy. I knew one day I might be alone and feeling it was better to be near family than alone 7n my old age I made this choice to be close to his. But 32 yrs changed so much, he is a stranger to his family and his country. I know its not going to be easy but to be abused by people I will not accept. I wont let it happen and if I had the words they would hear it. My husbands upset he isnt here but we don't have much choice. I feel like a military wife. But there is no welcome wagon here. Thanks for the hugs and shoulders I need it some days. There are many foreigners here but most wont lift a hand to help a newcomer each for thrir own reason. Its a toss the kid in the lake you either learn to swim or drown. They say god task you only for what he knows you can handle, but then why do people kill themselves? It will make ke stronger and I know im leaving my kids with a legacy of strength but some days I just need to cry.
Its late and a friend is going to show me how to get to a meat plant tomorrow so I can buy meat cheaper. Sadly my bil and husbands of sils go there but never offer to take me or pick ip for me. So its do for myself.
I have one of my Georgia ancestors who was scalped twice and lived, I feel like her some days...but its my heart they are cutting. But I put 8n a bonnet and put a smile on my face and go on. Nite....

 

[bruceha2000]

Holy cow Blooie! I can imagine you're furious. This is the kind of stuff that drives me crazy. The kind of thing where after the fact they go "We don't know what happened. We will investigate" and then years and years go by until they come up with some big rapport full of blah blah about who dropped the ball.

I'm glad we've got our shelter now. We do have a community shelter, but it would do us no good if something was that close!


Anyway. Thanks y'all. It's nice to have some folks to talk to that are a bit older wiser and have been there.

We get 45 minutes of therapy twice a month in-home.. it's not much, but enough for him. I don't think he could handle much more of the 'special instruction'. It's sort of forceful, very repetitive and it makes him angry at times... but she always makes it up to him by letting him dance. That little boy LOOOVES to dance. It's the cutest thing. She's worked with him for a year on the same stuff... and he can repeat her during therapy, but only because she makes him

Only recently he started to use some of the signs on his own. After a YEAR. My son is very, VERY stubborn.

I'm excited though, he's using words now. He's asking for 'mihk' (milk) several times a day.... I can't say no when he actually uses words! I'm hearing some other words too, hard to understand, but he's trying. We've got an appointment in a week or two for his IEP (individual education plan), since he will leave the early intervention plan in January, when he turns 3... so we gotta find other programs for him. We live in a college town and they actually have a training program in town for audiologist and speech pathologists and all that jazz, so they offer therapy with folks that are in training. Beats driving to Birmingham (suicide by vehicle... basically). I told the lady at the hearing center that I was going to take him there and she pretty much ignored that and went back to trying to talk me into driving to Birmingham. "Well, if you can't do it weekly, how about biweekly?" ....which part of 'my kid can't handle the drive' do you not get?

Poor fellah. I used to get car sick too... even as an adult! As a little kid I once puked on an elderly lady in a furcoat while riding the bus... And I threw up in the bus during a schooltrip in high school.... talk about embarrassing. I thought I was ok, but nope.... I know what he's going through. It's scary having to strip down a little boy at the side of a 4-5 lane interstate with traffic flying by because he just puked all over himself and his car seat. But, knock on wood, he has not gotten sick in a while. The dramamine works.

I just remembered something. Something about the vehicle moving and me NOT seeing where I was going was what made me sick.

She's outgrown it somewhat, but doesn't travel as well in the back seat as she does the front.

That is really common. People who get car sick are frequently much better if they sit in the front where there is nothing blocking their view. Similarly when on a boat, look at the horizon, NOT at things in the boat. Of course, on a cruise ship, that is a bit difficult since they are sometimes the size of a small town.

Bruce