The Front Porch Swing

[Oldmomma]

Here cleaning is obsession. My home has its days but I always had just a few rules with my kids. If my room is clean yours is. If you eat, bathe, wear clothes you can help do your part. Never forced my kids but boy or girl they all know how to help. Unlike ladies here though I will continue to clean up and cook meals cause I find joy in doing so and I try not to let "how I do it" get in the way of getting it done. I try to keep things picked up and do a big clean once a month. Try not to fill our house with unnecessary stuff. Give away things I no longer need or have lost matches too.

 

[Triple Willow]

Completely off topic , if we have one... snakes!

 

[heartsizedfarm]

I had a friend in England who was not the best housekeeper. She would do the ordinary supper dishes, but hated pots and pans, so she just tucked them away under the sink or back in their drawers. On the weekend her husband took over the dish washing chores and he would ask her, in the sweetest way, so that he could include them in his clean up: "Anything of long-standing darling?"

 

[MistyMountain]

I dont have good dishes. None. I was given two sets of Corel when I moved out of the house... 35 years ago. They got lost in the move up to the house in the desert. I am sort of glad because sadly to say I relly didnt like them.

Grandma has the same set here of Corel. Shes probably had them 40-45 years. The things are indestructible.

So eventually I will get another set of Corel and possibly a few pieces of decorative serving plates ... I love cobalt blue and lately I see Walmart has Glassware plates that are cobalt... Sigh one day... But I will rarely ever have to do enough place settings for more than four people.

Except if I decide to have a Backyard Chicken meetup at my house. Been day dreaming about doing that one. Here we do Potluck And because its so far off the beaten path I will have to offer a campout. I certainly have plenty of spots for tents and parking of motor homes. Then there is the Spa/hotel in town if people want to stay there too ...

Who knows.... Sigh one day...

deb

Deb, I know you would like this. My Grandma bought this set for me around my 18th birthday. Something I always stored in my cedar chest. It is a set, big plates, small plates, mugs, bowls all stoneware. I have never used it… mostly because it is only four place settings and mostly because I was afraid to break anything. It sits boxed on the shelf in the basement, which is good because I have moved 6 times since then. We are finally where we will spend the rest of our days (minus, perhaps, when we become nomads and travel the continent in our RV LOL) but I have two little ones and entertain family often. They will come out of the boxes some day… maybe find a place in the RV mentioned above

!!

 

[bruceha2000]

Yep...that's a biggie here and a way to gauge character, if the new brides jump in to help or if they just sit on the can while we do it all. My DIL would always say "Is there anything I can do to help?" instead of just jumping into help. ( If you have to ask, you obviously don't want to help, IME.) So, the last trip we all took together we gave her the rundown on our opinion of those who~ while sitting in the other room~ ask if they can help.....which is just a cop out way of volunteering without having any intentions of actually doing anything, so they can say later, "Well, I ASKED if they needed help!!!". That's like driving by someone stranded along the road and yelling out the window as you drive by, "Need any help???" as you whiz by.....

She must have actually listened, because now she doesn't ask, she just jumps in and helps and that's the mark of true family....even if you don't know where everything goes, you DO know that it needs washed, things need wiped off and put away, etc. Even a 5 yr old knows that much.

In defense if people who ask if they can help ...

I have to do that because I really don't see well and tend to be very overwhelmed in social situations and new places ... trying to get and keep my bearings without hurting myself or the furniture. So ... I need to ask, and I'm sincere.

Also, I vastly prefer it if people ask me what they can do to help in my house so I have a clue what they're up to. I usually have a plan that can be foiled with too much help.

For the record, you may always wash it if it's in the sink. You may always vacuum up the pet hair.

What about a friend that drops by for a visit then helps their self to washing your dishes without asking...? I wonder how they would feel if I cleaned their toilet when I drop by their house. lol

I used to think the same thing when my mother would visit and start cleaning on my house....always thought "I just can't please this woman!" but since then I've realized it is how she shows love....and how I show love too. When I would visit my friend's house in high school I loved her family so much that I would always volunteer to clean up the supper dishes and do any other chores her mom wanted done. Even helped her dad in the barn with the cows.

When they had a wedding or death in the family they would call me and I would be behind the scenes cleaning up, putting out food, doing laundry and remaking beds while everyone was at the event, etc. Later I realized they used me quite a bit, but I don't care...it was my way of showing love and love is never wasted....it may be wasted by those who take advantage, but it is never wasted by those who give it and it's measured carefully by the Lord, Who is always watching and proud of His child who gives love freely. He loves a cheerful giver!

I may gripe and complain about my family who takes and takes and rarely gives, but I really do love being a servant most of the time. It's how I best show my love, though sometimes I wish I got some love back now and again. Just sometimes it would be nice......

Related to all of the above quoted. I can't get past the incongruity. First Bee says people should do, not ask, when it comes to helping, then later says she volunteered to clean up at a friend's house which I presume is the same as asking before doing.

Lots of people are willing to help and lots of people don't want help for whatever reason, several mentioned in other posts. Now if you know someone is just asking to say they asked but really don't want to help, take them up on the "offer" and tell them they don't have to ask the next time, you can always use the help. Which brings up the question: If DIL is asking from the other room, where is her husband? Sitting on his can or in the kitchen helping Mom clean up? And if the answer is the first one, then maybe the circle of "jump in and help" family members is a bit too small to start with. If the second then he can certainly explain the dynamics of "Mom won't ask but she wants us to help".

As far as I am concerned, it is rude to just step in unless you know the person well because you might be violating their "space". Especially people new to the family. You don't know the dynamics, you don't know if other family members that aren't helping are just lazy, it is out of years of "habit" starting when they were kids and were never asked to step up when they were old enough or the accepted decades old pattern is "the guys watch football, the women clean up" or if the one doing the work is "OCD" about how things are done and really does not want anyone messing with their system (*). The appropriate thing to do is ask. But, I wouldn't be asking from the other room, I would be standing next to you at the time. If I ask and you say "no" then you better mean it and not later say "people don't help" because if *I* ask it is because I am willing to help but I do NOT want to step on anyone's toes. No fair saying "no" because you don't want to "impose" on your guests but REALLY want them to ask again so you can say "yes" since they must really WANT to help because they asked twice so they aren't thinking you are being inhospitable. Yes I have seen this more than once. And if it is family or good friends, there is nothing wrong with saying "many hands make light work, let's get this cleaned up then we can all go out to the porch".

Tio (Dad's brother) married a girl in Barcelona. (3 of my grandparents were born in Spain, my Dad and Uncle are 1st generation USA). My grandmother had to teach my new aunt how to cook. She was 22 and had never cooked because the kitchen was her grandmother's domain and NO ONE was allowed in. I'm not sure how Tia's mother learned how to cook, maybe her mother started letting her in the kitchen later in life.

To TW, I bet a clean toilet wouldn't be complained about in many houses

Either they don't notice it ISN'T clean so won't notice when it is or they really don't like cleaning toilets and are glad it was done but the "cleaning fairy".

As you porch sitters know, my girls and I spent several fun hours with Leslie last week. If I had not been aware of some of her health issues before I wouldn't know now, any more than she would know my older daughter's head is totally messed up because neither exhibited anything other than 'normal activity'. So, as with someone who looks physically "OK" using a handicapped parking space, do not presume they are just lazy if they don't jump in to help because their disability may be "invisible".

Grandma has the same set here of Corel. Shes probably had them 40-45 years. The things are indestructible.

So my younger sister thought and she "proved" it by throwing a dish on the floor. One less dish to wash.

So meetups are an aweful lot of fun

Here is a picture of the very first duck I met at a meetup....

That is one group I would NOT be real interested in joining.


Bruce

 

[perchie.girl]

Quote: LOL... My mom didnt teach me to clean because she didnt know how.... I still struggle... but I have recently found a sense of satisfaction of doing dishes. ... Its a start.

deb

 

[perchie.girl]

Quote:

If I could design the perfect kitchen, it would be all stainless steel, with a huge drain in the middle of the floor, and a high pressure hose with optional soap. After a meal, i could have folks clear out, and just hose everything down, including the plates and silverware. Single step clean up! Oh, and i'd invite young children to stay for the clean up. They could get the hose as well, take care of the evening showers, and get their clothes clean at the same time. For that matter, the dog could stay if i had one!!

That kitchen reminds me of the haunted hospital in Louisville, KY. They had operating rooms where everything was stainless steel and the drain was in the middle of the floor. Creepy. I love haunted houses. I had made plans to go home a few years ago and found out that my dad had gotten tickets for all of us kids to go to this haunted hospital. That just cracked me up.

Lisa

I love the drain in the floor idea.... for a whole other reason. Here its dust... the fine sandy kind that if you sweep it floats in the air... if you vacume it floats in the air on static electricty. The only way to combat it is to wet the cleaning surface. This also works for the blow sand which is like talc. So a good wetting down and a squeegie sounds to me like a good option.... Of course I would have the floors set up for this type of cleaning. AND yes you can put carpet down.... Area carpets to be hauled out and whacked on the fence...

deb

 

[perchie.girl]

I had a friend in England who was not the best housekeeper. She would do the ordinary supper dishes, but hated pots and pans, so she just tucked them away under the sink or back in their drawers. On the weekend her husband took over the dish washing chores and he would ask her, in the sweetest way, so that he could include them in his clean up: "Anything of long-standing darling?"

LOL.... I have been known to hide a dirty pot or roasting pan in the oven .... till I get to it.

 

[perchie.girl]

Quote:
Just because of a single duck in a dress?

Or is it the whole activity of the meetup... Me personally I have NO social outlet none zip nada. I find the people interesting and incredibly diverse quick to engage in all sorts of conversations.

deb

 

[BCMaraniac]

What could Bee possibly be banned for? She's super nice to everybody. She has a powerful spirituality. But who could possibly object to that?

You would be surprised....