The "get to 1,000 pages before 12/31/12" thread

[Scooter&Suzie]

What happens if you get scared half to death twice?

(http://www.cleanjoke.com/humor/Half-Death.html)

 

[Chickenrandomness]

 

[Scooter&Suzie]

This one is terrific!

An old man was wondering if his wife had a hearing problem. So one night, he stood behind her while she was sitting in her chair. He spoke softly to her, "Honey, can you hear me?" There was no response.

He moved a little closer and said again, "Honey, can you hear me?" Still, there was no response. Finally, he moved right behind her and said, "Honey, can you hear me?"
She replied, "for the third time, yes!"

(http://www.cleanjoke.com/humor/Hearing-Aid.html)

 

[Scooter&Suzie]

 

[Scooter&Suzie]

How many people work in your office?” the boss asked the department head.

“Oh, about half of them, sir!”

 

[Chickenrandomness]

:3

 

[Scooter&Suzie]

There were 3 tomatoes. A mommy tomato, a daddy tomato and Jr. tomato, who was there son. Jr. tomato started falling behind so daddy tomato went back and squashed little Jr. tomato and said
KATCH-UP!

 

[Scooter&Suzie]

Dear John,

I have been unable to sleep since I broke off our engagement.

Won't you forgive and forget? Your absence is breaking my heart.

I was a fool - nobody can take your place. I love you.

All my love,

Belinda. xxxxoooxxxx
P.S. Congratulations on winning this week's lottery.

 

[Scooter&Suzie]

A visitor to a college campus paused to admire the new Hemingway Hall. "It's a pleasure to see a building named for Ernest Hemingway."

"Actually," said the guide, "it's named for Joshua Hemingway. No relation."

"Oh? Was Joshua Hemingway a writer also?"

"Yes, indeed. He wrote a check."

 

[Chickenrandomness]