The "Man" Rules

Discussion in 'Games, Jokes, and Fun!' started by AllChookUp, Jun 17, 2009.

  1. AllChookUp

    AllChookUp Will Shut Up for Chocolate

    May 7, 2008
    Frozen Lake, MN
    Completely tongue-in-cheek and in a joking manner, of course....


    The "Man" Rules

    We always hear "the rules" from the Female side.
    Now here are the rules from the Male side.

    Please note... These are all numbered "1" ON PURPOSE!


    1. Men are NOT mind readers.

    1. Learn to work the toilet seat.
    You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down.
    We need it up, you need it down.
    You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.

    1. Sunday sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.

    1. Crying is blackmail.

    1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one:
    Subtle hints do not work!
    Strong hints do not work!
    Obvious hints do not work!
    Just say it!

    1. "Yes" and "No" are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

    1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it.
    That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

    1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument.
    In fact, all comments become Null and Void after 7 Days.

    1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us - We'll just get in more trouble with our answers.

    1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.

    1. You can either ask us to do something, OR tell us how you want it done. Not both.
    If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

    1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.

    1. Christopher Columbus did NOT need directions, and neither do we.

    1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings.
    'Peach', for example, is a fruit, NOT a color.
    'Pumpkin' is also a fruit. We have no idea what 'Mauve' is.

    1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.

    1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

    1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to,
    Expect an answer you don't want to hear.

    1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine... Really.

    1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as baseball or golf.

    1. You have enough clothes.

    1. You have too many shoes.

    1. I am in shape. Round IS a shape!


    Thank you for reading this. Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight.

    But did you know men really don't mind that? It's like camping.


    .
     
  2. Buff Hooligans

    Buff Hooligans Scrambled

    12,147
    281
    311
    Jun 11, 2007
    Amen Brother - tell it!

    "1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as baseball or golf."

    You can add to this, don't ask a man what he's thinking or what's on his mind at any particular time. The answer will almost always be "nothing", and it will be true.
     
  3. FrizzleFreak

    FrizzleFreak Songster

    Please note... These are all numbered "1" ON PURPOSE!

    Why, cause men can't count? [​IMG]
     
  4. AllChookUp

    AllChookUp Will Shut Up for Chocolate

    May 7, 2008
    Frozen Lake, MN
    Quote:Yes. Yes, that's it.
    [​IMG]
     
  5. HarlansHollowFarms

    HarlansHollowFarms bana-bhuidseach anns gára

    2,895
    11
    183
    Jan 16, 2009
    Ok, just remember the REAL RULEs!
    Ladies, it is so funny how they are always trying to 'one up' us! (pitiful) [​IMG]

    https://www.backyardchickens.com/forum/viewtopic.php?id=160344
    The Rules


    *********************************************************************

    1. The FEMALE always makes THE RULES.

    2. NO male can possibly know THE RULES.

    3. THE RULES are subject to change at any time with prior notification by the FEMALE.

    4. If the FEMALE suspects that the male knows THE RULES, she shall immediately change some, or all, of THE RULES.

    5. The FEMALE is never wrong.

    6. If it appears that the FEMALE is wrong, it is due to a flagrant misunderstanding which is the direct result of something the male said or did.

    7. Should RULE6 apply, the male must apologize immediately for causing the misunderstanding.

    8. The FEMALE my change her mind at any time.

    9. The male shall never change his mind without prior written consent from the FEMALE.

    10. The FEMALE may be angry or upset at any time.

    11. The male shall remain calm at all times, unless the FEMALE wants him to be angry or upset.

    12. The FEMALE shall never, under any circumstances, let the male know whether or not she wants him to be angry or upset.

    13. Any attempt by the male to document a RULE for settlement of future disputes may result in bodily harm.

    14. If the male is confused about any RULE, refer to RULE #1.

    NOTICE
    A. If the FEMALE has PMS, all RULES are null and void.
    B. If the male has UMS (Ugly Mood Swings), that’s his problem.

    Signed: THE QUEEN
     
  6. trilyn

    trilyn Songster

    2,117
    11
    211
    Apr 13, 2009
    East Syracuse
    Quote:Yeah, that's what I get from my dh all the time, "nothing". [​IMG] [​IMG]
     
  7. Chicks_N_Horses

    Chicks_N_Horses Songster

    Mar 30, 2009
    South Alabama
    [​IMG] [​IMG] [​IMG]
     
  8. PurpleChicken

    PurpleChicken Tolerated.....Mostly

    11,744
    32
    321
    Apr 6, 2007
    Iceland
    Chooks brother I think you may just have started the next super long thread.

    I'm putting those rules on my next prenup.
     
  9. C-Dub

    C-Dub In the Brooder

    30
    0
    22
    Apr 25, 2009
    Altadena
    Quote:True! All of it!
     
  10. Buff Hooligans

    Buff Hooligans Scrambled

    12,147
    281
    311
    Jun 11, 2007
    In my experience, the one below does not achieve good results.
    Most times results in the opposite.


    "1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one:
    Subtle hints do not work!
    Strong hints do not work!
    Obvious hints do not work!
    Just say it!"


    Of course, the original saying never mentioned anything about positive results...
    or results at all, so I guess it can stay on the list.
     
    Last edited: Jun 17, 2009

BackYard Chickens is proudly sponsored by: