_-Captain BRM-_
Post Tenebras Lux.
- Feb 1, 2021
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"It's really nothing deeper than a rich misunderstanding," Tay agreed, hand falling away from her sweaty forehead, "Ember's apprehension is valid, and her protection was necessary."A brow rose without Jintao's consent. Fear tickled down his spine and old habits tried to stop it. Never before had such harshness came upon him for such talk, even if he was in the wrong. Jokes were typically the calmer of the situation, and later passed on for public humiliation; not this.
The wall greeted his heel, telling him he was trapped. The Captain's stare stabbed him like a thin blade, pulling out his heart and sitting on the desk to be chopped up and served to the crew. He closed his mouth, realizing it must have fallen open, and searched the floor for anything that could get him out of this situation. Time is ticking, his conscience was even frightened. She's not going to take 'silence' for anything. How he knew that was true.
Jintao cleared his throat, rearranging his hat in the crick of his arm as though that would help any. It did not. He took a step forward to speak, but his brain was blank. Appart from the Captain's harshness, it was the moment in the Royal's prison all over again. The Destruction had been destroyed, the surviving crew members executed before his very eyes, and the leading Royal in the raid had popped the question to what he had no answer for.
Death, why was he so scared of it? And Suidalmas, why did it have so much control over his life? He hated all of it. He wished there was a place to escape, but there was none.
"I-" he cleared his throat again. "I'm sorry, Captain." The sterness in his tone was gone. It was replaced by terror- terror he knew he had to hide or else it would be forever poked at my those wishing to see it again and again. "I meant no offense by anything I said."
His gaze found the floor again, hoping some old courage would somehow rise. He attempted eye contact with the Captain. She had already scolded him for being too shady. "Most captains care less about such matters and I assumed you'd be the same. I was wrong about you, Captain, and for that I apologize. You carry such traits that most captains tend to lack, and for that, you should feel honored."
Jintao's talk was going nowhere. He was stalling and Vhanya’s burning eyes told of her annoyance. His gut twisted to where it had earlier and his throat threatened to close up, suffocating him before anyone else could. His eyes stole a glance at Tay, where it had all started, and where he didn't want to speak. Lie to the Captain? No. She had already cut him deep enough to know which blood was lies and which was not.
"The girl there," his voice was thick. Idiot! Now's not the time! Don't call her that! "Apprentice, I mean." Gaze with the Captain was lost once more, falling to the floor and licking up the dust that wasn't there. "Uh..." Could his collar get any tighter? He brought his gaze back up, focusing on the Captain's ears because that's all he could do.
"I made the mistake," he rose his shoulders, guilt returning. "The apprentice-Lyra- has insight that I only wish I had." He was protecting her- he had to. This wasn't meant to be brought in the open, and he could say the very words that could very well pass any punishments he may receive onto her, but he couldn't- just couldn't. She had called him a coward and she was right. But further hurting her, right though he knew he was wrong, was something his very core stood against. Now, he told himself, now that it's too late.
"We were talking like always, and I misheard her on something that I shouldn't of." Jintao's shoulders fell slack. Keeping an appearance no longer mattered. "It was something of my past she truly knows nothing about and would never say anything about it to hurt me, but I took her words that were meant as encouragement as something an enemy would say and acted accordingly. She wasn’t at fault, I was. And I know for sure there's nothing I can do to change it."
There. What more was there to say? Anything? No, not without revealing the lie he had been telling ever since he had lost his arm. This hopeless mess of a man should have never left his apartment that morning. His head hug, ashamed of his own existence and the actions that continued to haunt him. A moment passed, but nothing was said yet as he wasn't finished. He looked up again, knowing the Captain would soon speak. "If there's nothing more I can say over this, I will say this: It won't happen again. You have my word. I know how to control myself and I will for sure keep it that way."
She could not fray the truth so. Vhanya was sharper than a whetted sword.
"Mistakes were made, but do these things not happen in ship of men? Is a pecking order not to be established? This man is fresh with memory, and this ship has opened and rawed them. Give him time, my captain. No one here has meant offense."
Heat pulsed in her temples, smarting in time with her wrist.