The New Noah

Discussion in 'Games, Jokes, and Fun!' started by Davaroo, Jul 3, 2008.

  1. Davaroo

    Davaroo Poultry Crank

    Feb 4, 2007
    Leesville, SC
    In the year 2008, the Lord came unto Noah, who was now living in the United States , and said:

    "Once again, the earth has become wicked and over-populated, and I see the end of all flesh before me.
    Build another Ark and save 2 of every living thing along with a few good humans."
    He gave Noah the blueprints, saying: "You have 6 months to build the Ark, before I will start the unending rain for 40 days and 40 nights."

    Six months later, the Lord looked down and saw Noah weeping in his yard - but no Ark.
    "Noah!" He roared. "I'm about to start the rain! Where is the Ark ?"
    "Forgive me, Lord," begged Noah, "but things have changed around here since your last flood....

    I needed a building permit.

    I've been arguing with the inspector about the need for a sprinkler system.

    My neighbors claim that I've violated the neighborhood zoning laws by building the Ark in my yard and exceeding the height limitations.
    We had to go to the Development Appeal Board for a decision.

    Then the Department of Transportation demanded a bond be posted for the future costs of moving power lines and other overhead obstructions, to clear the passage for the Ark 's move to the sea.
    I told them that the sea would be coming to us, but they would hear nothing of it.

    Getting the wood was another problem. There's a ban on cutting local trees in order to save the spotted owl.
    I tried to convince the environmentalists that I needed the wood to save the owls - But no go!

    When I started gathering the animals, an animal rights group sued me. They insisted that I was confining wild animals against their will. They argued the accommodations were too restrictive, and it was cruel and inhumane to put so many animals in a confined space.

    Then the EPA ruled that I couldn't build the Ark until they'd conducted an environmental impact study on your proposed flood.

    I'm still trying to resolve a complaint with the Human Rights Commission on how many minorities I'm supposed to hire for my building crew.

    Immigration and Naturalization are checking the green-card status of most of the people who still want to work on the job.

    The trades unions say I can't use my sons to do any of the work. They insist I have to hire only Union workers with Ark-building experience.

    To make matters worse, the IRS seized all my assets, claiming I'm trying to leave the country illegally with endangered species....

    So, forgive me, Lord, but it would take at least 10 years for me to finish this Ark."

    Suddenly the skies cleared, the sun began to shine, and a rainbow stretched across the sky.

    Noah looked up in wonder and asked,
    "You mean you're not going to destroy the world, Lord?"

    "No," said the Lord. "There's no need. The government beat me to it."
  2. arlee453

    arlee453 Songster

    Aug 13, 2007
    near Charlotte NC

    I wish it weren't so true though... [​IMG]
  3. JenniferJoIN

    JenniferJoIN Songster

    Sep 10, 2007
    Southern Indiana

    Very true!
  4. chicken_boy_Kurt

    chicken_boy_Kurt Songster

    Mar 20, 2008
    lol [​IMG] [​IMG] [​IMG] [​IMG]
  5. eggzettera

    eggzettera Songster

    I have always maintained that real humor has to contain 2 elements - Truth & Pain.
    That was really funny! :eek:
  6. Davaroo

    Davaroo Poultry Crank

    Feb 4, 2007
    Leesville, SC
    Quote:The third element is brevity. While this one wasnt short - it sure had enough of the first two.

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