The NFC B-Day Chat Thread

[ShrekDawg]

Sounds like you're enabling her.

I had a friend in high school that over the years I wish I could see again. Last time I saw her was my wedding day. 2 summers ago she contacted me and I was so happy to hear from her...about the 4th time she texted me she asked to borrow $200. I asked why she didn’t go to her family and I never got an answer. Needless to say I blocked her after that text as it hurt me. Enabling does not help a person to want to help themselves. I don’t know your friends situation and don’t need to know it. End of rant.

Both good points, thanks.

But the reason I say it's complicated is because she's technically disabled because she got hit by a car years ago and has a bad knee and back (I think they replaced the knee) so I think she gets $1000/month disability plus I think her dad left her and one of her brothers some money when he passed so I think she gets more a month from that. I think she has bipolar too and definitely depression, possibly anxiety. But she could work or ask someone else. Cause I only started talking to her again in December or January so like what did she do before then?

But she has a daughter that was taken at the hospital that she's been fighting to get back, she'll be a year old in August.

And she has people stay over, like she's got 2 friends there now.

So she's always wanting like money or rides or whatever I feel like. Or like money for the bus to see her daughter or me to bring food or money for it, or money to buy medicine for the friemd, or just lots of stuff. And I don't want to and have said no a few times but then sometimes I'm like well she can't not see her daughter or not eat and I feel bad and give it up. And she keeps saying she'll pay me back and she has parts but like such a minuscule amount compared to how much I've given her.

And she claims she doesn't use me or whatever and that our other friend (her ex friend ha) does and how bad she is yet I don't hang with this one unless she needs something.

I don't think she means to or even necessarily realizes she's doing it cause I think she might also have a very slight mental disability which is also part of the money she's getting I think but still.

She says she's gonna get a job but hasn't yet so idk. I don't think you can work full-time on disability though.

And another thing her food stamps keep getting messed up so I've bought more but it's like... that's not my problem.

Idk.

I'm too nice.

I did tell her once I wasn't giving her anymore until I got paid back but then the next reason was just as good and I felt bad. She did give me some but not fully.

And sometimes the bills are more than she thought or whatever and then Im I'm like oh that's okay...

I have told her to pay me back when she can because I don't want her to go broke and wanted to be nice but I think I'm going to put my foot down and say to pay me in full or at least half and no more money because otherwise I'll never get paid back cause what ends up happening is a tiny bit gets paid back but then she borrows way more.

 

[The Farmers' Daughter]

Both good points, thanks.

But the reason I say it's complicated is because she's technically disabled because she got hit by a car years ago and has a bad knee and back (I think they replaced the knee) so I think she gets $1000/month disability plus I think her dad left her and one of her brothers some money when he passed so I think she gets more a month from that. I think she has bipolar too and definitely depression, possibly anxiety. But she could work or ask someone else. Cause I only started talking to her again in December or January so like what did she do before then?

But she has a daughter that was taken at the hospital that she's been fighting to get back, she'll be a year old in August.

And she has people stay over, like she's got 2 friends there now.

So she's always wanting like money or rides or whatever I feel like. Or like money for the bus to see her daughter or me to bring food or money for it, or money to buy medicine for the friemd, or just lots of stuff. And I don't want to and have said no a few times but then sometimes I'm like well she can't not see her daughter or not eat and I feel bad and give it up. And she keeps saying she'll pay me back and she has parts but like such a minuscule amount compared to how much I've given her.

And she claims she doesn't use me or whatever and that our other friend (her ex friend ha) does and how bad she is yet I don't hang with this one unless she needs something.

I don't think she means to or even necessarily realizes she's doing it cause I think she might also have a very slight mental disability which is also part of the money she's getting I think but still.

She says she's gonna get a job but hasn't yet so idk. I don't think you can work full-time on disability though.

And another thing her food stamps keep getting messed up so I've bought more but it's like... that's not my problem.

Idk.

I'm too nice.

I did tell her once I wasn't giving her anymore until I got paid back but then the next reason was just as good and I felt bad. She did give me some but not fully.

And sometimes the bills are more than she thought or whatever and then Im I'm like oh that's okay...

I have told her to pay me back when she can because I don't want her to go broke and wanted to be nice but I think I'm going to put my foot down and say to pay me in full or at least half and no more money because otherwise I'll never get paid back cause what ends up happening is a tiny bit gets paid back but then she borrows way more.

You're buying things for her friends?!?

 

[CapricornFarm]

Yeah, I know. But even since I've started earning my own, I still have been giving her it. I keep saying I'm not going to anymore but then it's hard because there's always a really good reason and I'm too nice and feel bad. She doesn't have much money

Well she needs a job then. You are never going to reach your goals giving away money.

 

[CapricornFarm]

Both good points, thanks.

But the reason I say it's complicated is because she's technically disabled because she got hit by a car years ago and has a bad knee and back (I think they replaced the knee) so I think she gets $1000/month disability plus I think her dad left her and one of her brothers some money when he passed so I think she gets more a month from that. I think she has bipolar too and definitely depression, possibly anxiety. But she could work or ask someone else. Cause I only started talking to her again in December or January so like what did she do before then?

But she has a daughter that was taken at the hospital that she's been fighting to get back, she'll be a year old in August.

And she has people stay over, like she's got 2 friends there now.

So she's always wanting like money or rides or whatever I feel like. Or like money for the bus to see her daughter or me to bring food or money for it, or money to buy medicine for the friemd, or just lots of stuff. And I don't want to and have said no a few times but then sometimes I'm like well she can't not see her daughter or not eat and I feel bad and give it up. And she keeps saying she'll pay me back and she has parts but like such a minuscule amount compared to how much I've given her.

And she claims she doesn't use me or whatever and that our other friend (her ex friend ha) does and how bad she is yet I don't hang with this one unless she needs something.

I don't think she means to or even necessarily realizes she's doing it cause I think she might also have a very slight mental disability which is also part of the money she's getting I think but still.

She says she's gonna get a job but hasn't yet so idk. I don't think you can work full-time on disability though.

And another thing her food stamps keep getting messed up so I've bought more but it's like... that's not my problem.

Idk.

I'm too nice.

I did tell her once I wasn't giving her anymore until I got paid back but then the next reason was just as good and I felt bad. She did give me some but not fully.

And sometimes the bills are more than she thought or whatever and then Im I'm like oh that's okay...

I have told her to pay me back when she can because I don't want her to go broke and wanted to be nice but I think I'm going to put my foot down and say to pay me in full or at least half and no more money because otherwise I'll never get paid back cause what ends up happening is a tiny bit gets paid back but then she borrows way more.

KD, she is using you. She gets $1000 a month disability! Way more than you. Just stop giving her money. I bet you only hear from her when she wants more. The kind of friends you buy are not worth having.

 

[CapricornFarm]

Good morning everyone.

 

[DigMyChicks]

Both good points, thanks.

But the reason I say it's complicated is because she's technically disabled because she got hit by a car years ago and has a bad knee and back (I think they replaced the knee) so I think she gets $1000/month disability plus I think her dad left her and one of her brothers some money when he passed so I think she gets more a month from that. I think she has bipolar too and definitely depression, possibly anxiety. But she could work or ask someone else. Cause I only started talking to her again in December or January so like what did she do before then?

But she has a daughter that was taken at the hospital that she's been fighting to get back, she'll be a year old in August.

And she has people stay over, like she's got 2 friends there now.

So she's always wanting like money or rides or whatever I feel like. Or like money for the bus to see her daughter or me to bring food or money for it, or money to buy medicine for the friemd, or just lots of stuff. And I don't want to and have said no a few times but then sometimes I'm like well she can't not see her daughter or not eat and I feel bad and give it up. And she keeps saying she'll pay me back and she has parts but like such a minuscule amount compared to how much I've given her.

And she claims she doesn't use me or whatever and that our other friend (her ex friend ha) does and how bad she is yet I don't hang with this one unless she needs something.

I don't think she means to or even necessarily realizes she's doing it cause I think she might also have a very slight mental disability which is also part of the money she's getting I think but still.

She says she's gonna get a job but hasn't yet so idk. I don't think you can work full-time on disability though.

And another thing her food stamps keep getting messed up so I've bought more but it's like... that's not my problem.

Idk.

I'm too nice.

I did tell her once I wasn't giving her anymore until I got paid back but then the next reason was just as good and I felt bad. She did give me some but not fully.

And sometimes the bills are more than she thought or whatever and then Im I'm like oh that's okay...

I have told her to pay me back when she can because I don't want her to go broke and wanted to be nice but I think I'm going to put my foot down and say to pay me in full or at least half and no more money because otherwise I'll never get paid back cause what ends up happening is a tiny bit gets paid back but then she borrows way more.

She’s got you hook line and sinker!!

 

[007Sean]

Both good points, thanks.

But the reason I say it's complicated is because she's technically disabled because she got hit by a car years ago and has a bad knee and back (I think they replaced the knee) so I think she gets $1000/month disability plus I think her dad left her and one of her brothers some money when he passed so I think she gets more a month from that. I think she has bipolar too and definitely depression, possibly anxiety. But she could work or ask someone else. Cause I only started talking to her again in December or January so like what did she do before then?

But she has a daughter that was taken at the hospital that she's been fighting to get back, she'll be a year old in August.

And she has people stay over, like she's got 2 friends there now.

So she's always wanting like money or rides or whatever I feel like. Or like money for the bus to see her daughter or me to bring food or money for it, or money to buy medicine for the friemd, or just lots of stuff. And I don't want to and have said no a few times but then sometimes I'm like well she can't not see her daughter or not eat and I feel bad and give it up. And she keeps saying she'll pay me back and she has parts but like such a minuscule amount compared to how much I've given her.

And she claims she doesn't use me or whatever and that our other friend (her ex friend ha) does and how bad she is yet I don't hang with this one unless she needs something.

I don't think she means to or even necessarily realizes she's doing it cause I think she might also have a very slight mental disability which is also part of the money she's getting I think but still.

She says she's gonna get a job but hasn't yet so idk. I don't think you can work full-time on disability though.

And another thing her food stamps keep getting messed up so I've bought more but it's like... that's not my problem.

Idk.

I'm too nice.

I did tell her once I wasn't giving her anymore until I got paid back but then the next reason was just as good and I felt bad. She did give me some but not fully.

And sometimes the bills are more than she thought or whatever and then Im I'm like oh that's okay...

I have told her to pay me back when she can because I don't want her to go broke and wanted to be nice but I think I'm going to put my foot down and say to pay me in full or at least half and no more money because otherwise I'll never get paid back cause what ends up happening is a tiny bit gets paid back but then she borrows way more.

Neither a borrower nor lender be! It's called "tough love" ....help people who help themselves, not just because their your friend. Actually, what's taking place has ended many a friendship and split families apart.
Just my 2 cents.

 

[Blooie]

Kendra is a genius, guys. A total, out and out communications whiz! Well, okay, maybe not that far yet, but she's writing words to tell me what she wants. We've been doing the pencil and paper thing, and she's making the connection. But now she's taken to going over to her letters on the fridge and spelling it out there! She stood at the counter the other day and pointed at the door where I keep her PlayDoh. Before I could even ask her what she wanted, she got back down and went to the fridge, made the word PayDo, then crawled back over, stood and pointed again. WOW! You betcha!! Here ya go!

So I started expanding on that for other things. She really surprised me by adding the word "want" when she wanted her iPad, but she had a little trouble and it was my fault. She knew there should be an "I" in there somewhere to say "I want" but she kept putting it in the wrong place. I didn't catch that right off, so I kept taking that letter out. Dumb Gramma, if I'd caught that I'd have put the word "I" where it belongs and then let her write the rest. Words she doesn't spell right are no big deal if she's never written them before - I let her do those phonetically, but I do make her spell words she does know correctly, just like we gently correct words our kids learn to speak when they start talking. In just one day we got "want lunch" (the word "want" I had finally just left up there) IPad, Coke, and Apple. Apple was spelled wrong, and she DOES know how to spell it right, but I gotta get more letters for double letter words and for phrases that need the same letters. She spelled "Eple". "Brown horse" drove her crazy yesterday! She's figured out that a "Z" can double as another "N", and that she can use an "H" and an "I" interchangeably. Also she'll switch between the "W" and the "M". She figured all that out on her own, but she usually says the correct name of the letter before she flips it. I really think this is gonna work for her!! Ken bought her a kid's hand sized mouse for the keyboard, and he's going to go back and get the "kid friendly" keyboard too, so she can get better at the computer for her on-line speech classes.

Anyway, much more than you wanted or needed to know, probably, but I'm so excited for her. She GETS it! Of course, now we have the issue of "if she can communicate it, she gets it" meaning she gets some things we'd really rather she not have, like "Coke". But it is what it is! My phone video camera got a workout Thursday and Friday, I'll tell you! I emailed the links to her speech therapist but haven't heard back yet with a reaction. (This is where you're supposed to say, "But Blooie, we wanna see one too!!" and then I humbly say, "Oh, well...if you insist!")

 

[N F C]

Blooie, that's exciting Kendra is communicating more! Thanks for sharing the video

 

[DigMyChicks]

Kendra is a genius, guys. A total, out and out communications whiz! Well, okay, maybe not that far yet, but she's writing words to tell me what she wants. We've been doing the pencil and paper thing, and she's making the connection. But now she's taken to going over to her letters on the fridge and spelling it out there! She stood at the counter the other day and pointed at the door where I keep her PlayDoh. Before I could even ask her what she wanted, she got back down and went to the fridge, made the word PayDo, then crawled back over, stood and pointed again. WOW! You betcha!! Here ya go!

So I started expanding on that for other things. She really surprised me by adding the word "want" when she wanted her iPad, but she had a little trouble and it was my fault. She knew there should be an "I" in there somewhere to say "I want" but she kept putting it in the wrong place. I didn't catch that right off, so I kept taking that letter out. Dumb Gramma, if I'd caught that I'd have put the word "I" where it belongs and then let her write the rest. Words she doesn't spell right are no big deal if she's never written them before - I let her do those phonetically, but I do make her spell words she does know correctly, just like we gently correct words our kids learn to speak when they start talking. In just one day we got "want lunch" (the word "want" I had finally just left up there) IPad, Coke, and Apple. Apple was spelled wrong, and she DOES know how to spell it right, but I gotta get more letters for double letter words and for phrases that need the same letters. She spelled "Eple". "Brown horse" drove her crazy yesterday! She's figured out that a "Z" can double as another "N", and that she can use an "H" and an "I" interchangeably. Also she'll switch between the "W" and the "M". She figured all that out on her own, but she usually says the correct name of the letter before she flips it. I really think this is gonna work for her!! Ken bought her a kid's hand sized mouse for the keyboard, and he's going to go back and get the "kid friendly" keyboard too, so she can get better at the computer for her on-line speech classes.

Anyway, much more than you wanted or needed to know, probably, but I'm so excited for her. She GETS it! Of course, now we have the issue of "if she can communicate it, she gets it" meaning she gets some things we'd really rather she not have, like "Coke". But it is what it is! My phone video camera got a workout Thursday and Friday, I'll tell you! I emailed the links to her speech therapist but haven't heard back yet with a reaction. (This is where you're supposed to say, "But Blooie, we wanna see one too!!" and then I humbly say, "Oh, well...if you insist!")

We never get sick of hearing about Kendra so post away!