The NFC B-Day Chat Thread

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igorsMistress said:
I wonder what their parents are like.
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Probably not good!

But then again I’ve known people who’s parents have been amazing and given them the whole world and still turn out awful so it depends I guess haha

rjohns39 said:
Sue can elaborate more, but my read is that most don't discipline at all.
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Ugh that’s the worst!! I hate this new wave of not disciplining anything! I say anything instead of kids cause they do it with dogs too! I’m all for not using harsh techniques and I do think positive and/or more scientific methods have their place both with kids and dogs, they’re very useful, so that’s something good that’s come up, but this whole never saying no to them thing, that it’s “psychologically damaging” or “hurts their self esteem” or whatever is quite frankly a load of B.S.!! And I think it does a lot more harm than good. You have to say no sometimes.

And while we’re at it, I kind of think giving everyone “participation trophies” is a load of B.S. too. Sometimes you win, sometimes you lose. That’s life. Try harder next time. It’s not the end of the world. But it will become the end of the world to them if you constantly coddle them for losing and act like it’s so terrible/make a huge deal out of it instead of just accepting it and moving on. Kids have to learn how to lose. The real world isn’t gonna hold their hand every time their feelings are hurt or things don’t go their way and they’re definitely not gonna go along with everything.... sometimes they will be told NO.

But that said, I do think that sometimes no is overused. I don’t think it’s necessarily “psychologically damaging” or whatever other B.S. they say these days but I think it WILL eventually become ineffective and meaningless if someone is constantly just shouting “No! Stop that! Put that down! Don’t do that! No no no no!” At them all the time. Sometimes telling them that they CAN do instead and offering alternatives is far more effective than focusing on what they CAN’T do. So I can see that part. But not telling them no at all ever is just plain stupid imo.

And I guess this theory isn’t really “new”, probably really been a trend the last like 5-10 years? Maybe closer to 10 or even 15?? But I think it’s ridiculous.

Also equally ridiculous are the people who just want to be their kids friend but never want to discipline or be the parent then wonder why the kid is getting into all sorts of trouble as a teen or whatever... kids need a PARENT not a friend and they definitely need structure too.

That doesn’t mean being mean either.

For example, to go to dogs for a second (they are remarkably similar lol), a lot of people think positive reinforcement means all cookies and love and no rules or structure whatsoever and on the other end, people think corrections or using training tools means abuse or dominance or physically intimidating dogs or something but neither could be further from the truth. They both involve structure and rules and love, just in different ways. I personally am somewhere in the middle; I try to use as much positive reinforcement as possible but yes, sometimes a correction is necessary, much to the chagrin of the purely positive people.

But that doesn’t mean my dogs don’t also get plenty of love, cookies, spoiling, play time, walks, hikes, fun things. I don’t have one anymore but when I did and with the next one, he had rules and structure but also tons of fun and always knew he was loved.

I feel it should be the same way with kids.

Actually, I feel like most dogs and kids WANT rules and structure, crave it even. I know with me personally sometimes my parents have been a bit lax and while at the time I loved it, now I kinda hate it and wish they pushed me a little harder. I have to push/force myself.

ANYWAY.

Sorry for the huge rant/novel. :lau :oops:
 
igorsMistress said:
That's great DD, it's good to get out and enjoy the fresh air.



Devils Tower with her son on a vacation.
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im, sorry i missed your birthday so belated happy birt c2552c4058aa20e6e365fc807fbf933a.jpg hday
 

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