The Old Folks Home

[Alaskan]

OOOOH!

Diva loves me!

 

[hennible]

I don't know diva... Maybe... Nope I don't have a clue...

 

[ozexpat]

The punk next-door knocked me down on ice when I was 8. Broke off the bottom half of both permanent front teeth . My mother didn't like the temporary crowns , so told me NOT to smile in any photos. My older sister had crooked / crowded teeth. My mom said she'd never get married because of that. Well she's the only one of the 3 of us that did get married. My mom was great at NOT building our self esteem.

Why do some mothers enjoy torpedoing their own kids?

I am greatful for a mother who is the opposite

She even signed up on BYC to give me a cheer-along! I really think its beacuse she can find out what I am up to but my mum is the most optimistic person I have ever met.

 

[Wisher1000]

My mom told me, "If you never date an ugly man, you'll never have an ugly husband."

 

[Alaskan]

my mom was very straight forward... so yep, she will totally tell you that "wow you must have gained some weight!" or whatever negative....

But, at the same time, she is the biggest cheerleader of her kids.

So, the faults that she sees in us, she is very much 'that is a problem for you, what can we do to fix it, or improve it, or help live with it" and the things that we do well, she helps us do even better, but without nit-picking and finding things wrong with it. More like "you are doing great, is there anything that I can do to help?"

It is hard for me to explain.... but I liked the way she parented, since I then knew that her compliments were true and fully complete complements.

My dad over compliments, so you aren't ever sure if you should trust his opinion. I like my mom's style better.

And with my mom, you can say "that totally ticked me off, now I am super man at you" and she does NOT take offense. She says she is sorry, and asks what she should do differently.

 

[Peep_Show]

Diva... Good question! I think that a lot *may be* their insecurities that their kids will surpass them and then they'd have no leverage. They cut me off at the knees on every single achievement and milestone I was so proud of... It got to the point that I'd just not share the victories because (1) they'd be nonchalant to the point of dismissive or (2) would take credit for something they had no doing in. What's interesting in my case is that I was active in stuff that they had not intellectual knowledge of and so they'd have no option but to lampoon it whenever possible, i.e., they were golfers and socialites and I was most content in the barn and away from the country club scene, so I was deemed anti-social. My sister (who was a total suck-up conformist) was their darling, a cheerleader and athletic. I was bookish, read and wrote plays, sculpted, bred goldfish and did introverted stuff. My dad was a total Type A personality and I just hated the competitive aspect of everything. Both parents had a bit of an alcohol problem, both were narcissistic, and I became the problem child because I called them on it, mainly because I wasn't too keen on being the private scapegoat when not in public and it is really, really hard to respect someone when they get so far out there despite their insistence of portraying a flawless façade. I loved them, but couldn't deal with the daily target practice of turning their frustrations into somehow being my character faults. They thought they were perfect and let me know that I was less than so...builds a great character foundation for self-esteem, yes? Needless to say, Dr. Phil would've had a heyday had he been around back then.

Oh, well. Sometimes we just have to rise above our upbringing....and sometimes it takes decades (and lots of therapy) to do so. As I used to say about life with Dad, "If you cannot be a good role model then be a horrible example."

Folks are gone now. I appreciate all they have done for me, but IMHO it was at a really high price.

 

[perchie.girl]

Perchie who could forget a very HOT Pink silkie wiith a tiara? That gal drew a lot of attacks - I'm glad she didn't let that phase her. The silkie was very personable and calm. Nobody got hurt and it was just fun.

Yep.... I followed her for a year and thats about how long it took for all the pink to go away..... Silkey had NO probs with her coop mates either...

deb

 

[hennible]

Diva...  Good question!   I think that a lot *may be* their insecurities that their kids will surpass them and then they'd have no leverage.   They cut me off at the knees on every single achievement and milestone I was so proud of... It got to the point that I'd just not share the victories because (1) they'd be nonchalant to the point of dismissive or (2) would take credit for something they had no doing in.   What's interesting in my case is that I was active in stuff that they had not intellectual knowledge of and so they'd have no option but to lampoon it whenever possible, i.e., they were golfers and socialites and I was most content in the barn and away from the country club scene, so I was deemed anti-social.   My sister (who was a total suck-up conformist) was their darling, a cheerleader and athletic.  I was bookish, read and wrote plays, sculpted, bred goldfish and did introverted stuff.  My dad was a total Type A personality and I just hated the competitive aspect of everything.   Both parents had a bit of an alcohol problem, both were narcissistic, and I became the problem child because I called them on it, mainly because I wasn't too keen on being the private scapegoat when not in public and it is really, really hard to respect someone when they get so far out there despite their insistence of portraying a flawless façade.  I loved them, but couldn't deal with the daily target practice of turning their frustrations into somehow being my character faults.   They thought they were perfect and let me know that I was less than so...builds a great character foundation for self-esteem, yes?   Needless to say, Dr. Phil would've had a heyday had he been around back then.

Oh, well.   Sometimes we just have to rise above our upbringing....and sometimes it takes decades (and lots of therapy) to do so.   As I used to say about life with Dad, "If you cannot be a good role model then be a horrible example."

Folks are gone now.  I appreciate all they have done for me, but IMHO it was at a really high price.

FWIW you sure seem like a great person...

 

[Peep_Show]

thanks, sweetie!

 

[ronott1]

Diva... Good question! I think that a lot *may be* their insecurities that their kids will surpass them and then they'd have no leverage. They cut me off at the knees on every single achievement and milestone I was so proud of... It got to the point that I'd just not share the victories because (1) they'd be nonchalant to the point of dismissive or (2) would take credit for something they had no doing in. What's interesting in my case is that I was active in stuff that they had not intellectual knowledge of and so they'd have no option but to lampoon it whenever possible, i.e., they were golfers and socialites and I was most content in the barn and away from the country club scene, so I was deemed anti-social. My sister (who was a total suck-up conformist) was their darling, a cheerleader and athletic. I was bookish, read and wrote plays, sculpted, bred goldfish and did introverted stuff. My dad was a total Type A personality and I just hated the competitive aspect of everything. Both parents had a bit of an alcohol problem, both were narcissistic, and I became the problem child because I called them on it, mainly because I wasn't too keen on being the private scapegoat when not in public and it is really, really hard to respect someone when they get so far out there despite their insistence of portraying a flawless façade. I loved them, but couldn't deal with the daily target practice of turning their frustrations into somehow being my character faults. They thought they were perfect and let me know that I was less than so...builds a great character foundation for self-esteem, yes? Needless to say, Dr. Phil would've had a heyday had he been around back then.

Oh, well. Sometimes we just have to rise above our upbringing....and sometimes it takes decades (and lots of therapy) to do so. As I used to say about life with Dad, "If you cannot be a good role model then be a horrible example."

Folks are gone now. I appreciate all they have done for me, but IMHO it was at a really high price.

People reap what they sew. Being happy and well adjusted according you a persons character is much better than your Sis and parents had in life.