The Old Folks Home

[Kusanar]

Not sure how.....


But when I was looking up records (geneology stuff), I found my grandmother listed as deceased at birth.

Very odd...since she grew up, married, had two kids, and died at age 80.

I had a similar situation happen with a horse.. I have a 26 year old gelding in my field that was registered as deceased at less than a year old. Best we can figure, he is a carrier of some genetic disease since he was gelded at 2 months rather than the more normal 6 months to a year...

 

[Kusanar]

Kusanar I had to back off and think about your post for awhile as I didn't want to jump in with my mouth before my brain had a chance to come up to full speed. First off. I worked the nursing home industry for more years than I would care to admit and on the average was in charge of anywhere from 10-15 or more nurses aides when I was second shift charge. Not all of them work in the industry because they have a true and genuine love for old or disabled people. To 3 out of every 5 are there because they think it is an easy way to make a living and soon learn that the emotional and physical demands of the job are not what they expected and they move on to other jobs. It is the same with many nurses also. In the facility where I worked, four nurses, myself included, worked there longer than three years. There is a steady revolving door in nursing homes. The best are the church owned and operated. The worse, the corporate and unless the 'resident' is deep in dementia, or mentally incompetent due to stroke I can't remember any one cognizant resident who was there simply because they needed help to remain in their home but didn't have it say that they loved where they were living as human being under custodial care.

What you suggest may be logical in theory but it is just a larger example of the downhill slide of the American culture. Orientals and Hispanics are multi-generational cultures. Old people are welcomed into the children's homes and cared for with reverence and respect. Is it hard? Yes. I see the same thing in the Amish families around us. Old people are home, in wheelchairs, looking out windows. They are clean, they are well fed, they are loved. Them causing inconveniences for their families is not even considered. It is family, pure and simple.

The baby boomers are one of the biggest age groups in America at this time if not the biggest. We are starting to age. We don't move as fast as we used to, our joints do not work as well. We have pain and health problems that pop up when we least expect it. But we still have much to offer to society. If, as in your case, your mother is in poor health herself, there are a multitude of senior services offered through the Dept of Aging that will allow her to stay in her home comfortably without her being a burden to her family. Yes, caregivers for hire, meals on wheels, and yes, drag the grandkids away from the video games and send them over to mow grandma's lawn for her and weed her flower bed. How else are kids going to learn that we are not an inconvenience to be tossed aways to a nursing home as we age but a treasure. And trust me, when you are 65, 75 or 85, life is going to be as precious to you as when you were 15, and you will, unless you are a turnip from dementia, stroke or Alzheimer's, rebel at the very thought of giving up your freedom to custodial care.

I fear that if society as a whole begins to think of it's senior citizens as being expendable, the death panels that were in the news a few years ago will come to reality. Medicine is trying to extend quality of life as well as quantity of life for humans. My husband and I have no close family. When we get to the point in our lives where we need help and if we had family, would we ask them for help? You bet.

As I stated, I cared for my parents for over 20 years and yes, the last two years of my father's life was spent in a nursing home because I could not leave him at home any longer. But he was where I worked and under my eye 8 hours every day I was there. Would I do it over again? Yes. With the knowledge I have now of senior services, I would definitely get help for myself so my shoulders didn't have to bear so much weight alone. Do I have regrets? Sure. I put my life on hold for them but I was all they had. But I go to sleep every night knowing I did all I could do and when all is said and done that is all any of us can do.

Sorry for the rant. Guess it's my turn to go away now.....

Eh, your rant is fine, I'm a big girl. lol

The thing is, the Orientals, Hispanics, and Amish are all big family's that live close to each other. I have 3 brothers, one may eventually help some, but probably not, the other is 4+ hours away, and then there is me. I don't have a maternal bone in my body and I know from having the horses that being a caregiver for a person would be harder, people need attention more than once a day and can't fend for themselves for a day if they have to because something came up. I KNOW I would resent having to take care of ANYONE other than maybe my husband for years, but the reason for him being different is that I chose him, I did not chose a single member of my family, and some I hated before they became "family" but no one gave me a choice in the matter. If you choose to have a person or animal in your life, then I feel you have a responsibility to them, but having kids just because you want someone around to take care of you is just wrong..

I'm not going to have kids, so, if I ever become a burden on anyone, it's not going to be anyone I know.

The problem I have is that people are staying alive and sick much too long, my great grandmother lived to be close to 100, but, until a quilt drug her down a cliff when she was trying to hang it on a line and ended up breaking her arm, she was completely independent, that was the first time she stepped foot in a hospital and she had 13 surviving kids. She died less than 5 years after her first hospital visit. Up until that point, she was digging her own potatoes and everything. Even when she needed help, she was still fine in the house, one of the 300+ people that she indirectly created lived with her the last few years, but she didn't actually need it and I don't think she even liked it, she had been living alone so long... If everyone lived like her, and once they got sick, just went ahead and died, it would probably be better for everyone rather than them becoming a chore that someone else has to deal with.

 

[microchick]

I do see your point Kusanar, but we are living longer. The average lifespan in the US is 79 years. That is the average, usually people live a lot longer than that, some in excellent health others, not so. I took care of two high school classmates where I worked. One of them had a stroke in their 40s, the other died while I was working there of a neuromuscular disease. You just never know and frankly I don't want the world to turn into a "Soylent Green" or "Logan's Run" sort of scenario where people are 'terminated' at the age of 30 like in "Logan's Run". There is also an episode of Star Trek: The Next Generation where they are dealing with a society where everyone commits suicide at the age of 60 so they do not become a burden to their families. To me that is just frightening.

If you consider that human being's life span were they to live in the wild is 35 years, you begin to see the the effects of civilization on our life spans. True that a lot of medical problems for the elderly happen by accident,for example, broken hips, broken arms like your grandmother, most of our problems right now stem from the life styles we have lived in our youth. Too much food, too much drink, not enough exercise, obesity, untreated high blood pressure leading to stroke or organ failure, smoking, the list goes on. So maybe the key to living longer and us not becoming a "burden" to our families or others lies in our own hands.

Something to think about.

 

[Alaskan]

AND in early March, the goofballs  push clocks ahead by an hour   -    Make them stop!

I ultra hate that.




Takes the kids and I a month to adjust.

Years ago, when I still lived in Los Angeles, I went to my local Wells Fargo to deposit my paycheck (the days before direct deposit). The teller looked at me funny and asked me to wait while she got the manager. Seems that I had died and the Social Security Administration had frozen all my accounts at the bank and everywhere else. Turns out that if that happens it is up to you to prove you are still alive. It took over a year to get everything back to alive-status.

That. Is. So. Painful!!

 

[pennyJo1960]

You all know I recently lost my Ma, she was a very strong women all her life her Mother
lived to be older than dirt but her mind was toast they called it senility back then she actually
waited till 103 Ma always said she never wanted to be a burden to her children....
Ma was infirm less than a year she went to sleep and died at 78...
I hate the Daylight savings as they call it, that time switch messes me up close to a month
on both ends... The reason's for it are now invalid it must stop!

 

[Leave a LightOn]

You all know I recently lost my Ma, she was a very strong women all her life her Mother
lived to be older than dirt but her mind was toast they called it senility back then she actually
waited till 103 Ma always said she never wanted to be a burden to her children....
Ma was infirm less than a year she went to sleep and died at 78...
I hate the Daylight savings as they call it, that time switch messes me up close to a month
on both ends... The reason's for it are now invalid it must stop!

I agree! When is the last time any of us had to light a candle or oil lamp to see what we were doing at work?

 

[Leave a LightOn]

p.s.


I guess I was hoping yesterday that someone would offer some words of wisdom I could use to convince my mother that memory deficits were not a reason to kill oneself. Hint Hint

 

[Alaskan]

p.s.


 I guess I was hoping yesterday that someone would offer some words of wisdom  I could use to convince my mother that memory deficits were not a reason to kill oneself.  Hint Hint

1. Forgetting the bad stuff is a blessing

2. Asking the same question twelve times in a row gives those around her the chance to learn patience and improve their delivery! Seriously... I like the chance to improve my delivery. If I mess up the first time, I get a clean slate to try again in 15 minutes. What can I say...my delivery needs help, and lots of practice helps.

3. Cheerful Demented people can be a joy to be around. They forget all of the truly stupid or mean stuff you have done and live in the moment.

 

[Leave a LightOn]

1. Forgetting the bad stuff is a blessing

2. Asking the same question twelve times in a row gives those around her the chance to learn patience and improve their delivery!

Seriously... I like the chance to improve my delivery. If I mess up the first time, I get a clean slate to try again in 15 minutes. What can I say...my delivery needs help, and lots of practice helps.

3. Cheerful Demented people can be a joy to be around. They forget all of the truly stupid or mean stuff you have done and live in the moment.

thanks.....this is hard

 

[superchemicalgirl]

p.s.


I guess I was hoping yesterday that someone would offer some words of wisdom I could use to convince my mother that memory deficits were not a reason to kill oneself. Hint Hint

My father killed himself.

It was probably the most difficult thing I've been through.

The pain and confusion that that leaves behind is unspeakable.