The Old Folks Home

[microchick]

Kusanar I had to back off and think about your post for awhile as I didn't want to jump in with my mouth before my brain had a chance to come up to full speed. First off. I worked the nursing home industry for more years than I would care to admit and on the average was in charge of anywhere from 10-15 or more nurses aides when I was second shift charge. Not all of them work in the industry because they have a true and genuine love for old or disabled people. To 3 out of every 5 are there because they think it is an easy way to make a living and soon learn that the emotional and physical demands of the job are not what they expected and they move on to other jobs. It is the same with many nurses also. In the facility where I worked, four nurses, myself included, worked there longer than three years. There is a steady revolving door in nursing homes. The best are the church owned and operated. The worse, the corporate and unless the 'resident' is deep in dementia, or mentally incompetent due to stroke I can't remember any one cognizant resident who was there simply because they needed help to remain in their home but didn't have it say that they loved where they were living as human being under custodial care.

What you suggest may be logical in theory but it is just a larger example of the downhill slide of the American culture. Orientals and Hispanics are multi-generational cultures. Old people are welcomed into the children's homes and cared for with reverence and respect. Is it hard? Yes. I see the same thing in the Amish families around us. Old people are home, in wheelchairs, looking out windows. They are clean, they are well fed, they are loved. Them causing inconveniences for their families is not even considered. It is family, pure and simple.

The baby boomers are one of the biggest age groups in America at this time if not the biggest. We are starting to age. We don't move as fast as we used to, our joints do not work as well. We have pain and health problems that pop up when we least expect it. But we still have much to offer to society. If, as in your case, your mother is in poor health herself, there are a multitude of senior services offered through the Dept of Aging that will allow her to stay in her home comfortably without her being a burden to her family. Yes, caregivers for hire, meals on wheels, and yes, drag the grandkids away from the video games and send them over to mow grandma's lawn for her and weed her flower bed. How else are kids going to learn that we are not an inconvenience to be tossed aways to a nursing home as we age but a treasure. And trust me, when you are 65, 75 or 85, life is going to be as precious to you as when you were 15, and you will, unless you are a turnip from dementia, stroke or Alzheimer's, rebel at the very thought of giving up your freedom to custodial care.

I fear that if society as a whole begins to think of it's senior citizens as being expendable, the death panels that were in the news a few years ago will come to reality. Medicine is trying to extend quality of life as well as quantity of life for humans. My husband and I have no close family. When we get to the point in our lives where we need help and if we had family, would we ask them for help? You bet.

As I stated, I cared for my parents for over 20 years and yes, the last two years of my father's life was spent in a nursing home because I could not leave him at home any longer. But he was where I worked and under my eye 8 hours every day I was there. Would I do it over again? Yes. With the knowledge I have now of senior services, I would definitely get help for myself so my shoulders didn't have to bear so much weight alone. Do I have regrets? Sure. I put my life on hold for them but I was all they had. But I go to sleep every night knowing I did all I could do and when all is said and done that is all any of us can do.

Sorry for the rant. Guess it's my turn to go away now.....

 

[pennyJo1960]

I helped my Ma with my Step Dad 2 years... my brother suffered strokes
like 20 years ago they said he was a vegetable told them we are cut from a
different cloth sold my house brought him back to Washington put him in
a **** good rehab Puyallup they brought him back as far as possible
he and I fought him back the rest.. will never have feeling in his left leg,
his balance was taken giving live tissue room to swell.. He became caregiver to Ma
till we had to make the choice to put her in dementia home those last 3 months

 

[superchemicalgirl]

My meeting went well.

I chose Type O Negative covering Black Sabbath's Paranoid for my entry.

They're going to discuss and get back to me in a month as far as what they're willing to have me do. I was offered a part time sexton position but it wasn't clear what exactly they'd want from me, so I turned it down.

 

[perchie.girl]

My family on my dads side rode life hard and burned out early.... Heavy drinkers yet held jobs and own their homes and lifestyles... Most didnt make it past seventy though. Dad was no different even though he quit drinking in his forties.

Grandmas side were caregivers large families. Tended to keep mom in her own home by hook or crook. Grandmas sister Rose was the last to pass at 95 due to issues from having broken her hip twice... Her three daughters took turns staying with her and one of her grandaughters a nurse took the turn as well. They all had families and jobs but they worked it out... Hubbies did the repair and up keep on the house. the last couple of years they hired a helper because she couldnt tend herself any more.

For me its just Grandma and Mom. Grandma has a DNR in her will and handles change quite well. She worked most her life and changed houses several times She paid cash for her last two houses as well. If need be we have a care facility in mind with experience in dealing with them. Its within five minutes from here.

But as long as she is in good health and able to do things for herself like her personal stuff she doesn't need to be warehoused for want of a better term. Besides I have no husband or small children or property that needs me I can do for her for now. Though I am not a caretaker by nature... Someone skipped over me when handing out those genes. i cant even walk into a hospital without experiencing anxiety. Dont make me look at stitches.... i will pass out.

deb

 

[chickisoup]

Wow, gone for a bit and you guys really go to the dark side!

I can "one up" you guys on the getting lost by the hospital thing. When pregnant with child #2 I went into early labor, told to go to hospital, put into labor room, labor stopped, went home. Went to my normal OB appt. the following week at the clinic in same hospital. Set in waiting room well past my appt time. Nurse finally came out with weird look on her face but wouldn't make eye contact. Since we had already done some bloodwork I'm thinking to myself this can't be good then I noticed she had a rather large file in her hand with my name on it. She commenced to apologize profusely! While I was trying to figure out what in the heck she was apologizing for I took a closer look at the folder. There in large red letters across the file folder "Deceased". I started to crack up, I thought it was hilarious, she thought I had lost it

By this time my doctor had appeared also apologizing profusely. Finally got the story. Seems since I went into the labor room but never came out of the delivery room, somebody assumed I must have died and sent my file off to the morgue (thus the long wait while they figured out where my file went). I just quoted Mark Twain and continued to laugh while they continued to apologize. I finally got put into a room. While I was waiting I figured out they must have had visions of lawsuits dancing in their heads because I never had such an attentive doctor appointment!

As for the "darker" subject, to my knowledge no one in my family has ever spent a day in a nursing home. Just not allowed in my family. It is just understood that we take care of our own, period.

 

[Latestarter]

Well SCG, I think you chose your opening approach wisely. They invited you to join them, if only on a part time basis. Good on ya!

 

[room onthebroom]

Wow, gone for a bit and you guys really go to the dark side!

I can "one up" you guys on the getting lost by the hospital thing. When pregnant with child #2 I went into early labor, told to go to hospital, put into labor room, labor stopped, went home. Went to my normal OB appt. the following week at the clinic in same hospital. Set in waiting room well past my appt time. Nurse finally came out with weird look on her face but wouldn't make eye contact. Since we had already done some bloodwork I'm thinking to myself this can't be good then I noticed she had a rather large file in her hand with my name on it. She commenced to apologize profusely! While I was trying to figure out what in the heck she was apologizing for I took a closer look at the folder. There in large red letters across the file folder "Deceased". I started to crack up, I thought it was hilarious, she thought I had lost it

By this time my doctor had appeared also apologizing profusely. Finally got the story. Seems since I went into the labor room but never came out of the delivery room, somebody assumed I must have died and sent my file off to the morgue (thus the long wait while they figured out where my file went). I just quoted Mark Twain and continued to laugh while they continued to apologize. I finally got put into a room. While I was waiting I figured out they must have had visions of lawsuits dancing in their heads because I never had such an attentive doctor appointment!

As for the "darker" subject, to my knowledge no one in my family has ever spent a day in a nursing home. Just not allowed in my family. It is just understood that we take care of our own, period.

That... Is... Hysterical!!!

 

[drumstick diva]

 

[pennyJo1960]

Okay as you may or may not know I am living with my BF 70 and his Son 34.. I had no children
raised my step daughter... James said when Dad is gone we will buy a smaller place where he
can care for me until I need to go into a nursing type home

 

[Wickedchicken6]

Kusanar I had to back off and think about your post for awhile as I didn't want to jump in with my mouth before my brain had a chance to come up to full speed. First off. I worked the nursing home industry for more years than I would care to admit and on the average was in charge of anywhere from 10-15 or more nurses aides when I was second shift charge. Not all of them work in the industry because they have a true and genuine love for old or disabled people. To 3 out of every 5 are there because they think it is an easy way to make a living and soon learn that the emotional and physical demands of the job are not what they expected and they move on to other jobs. It is the same with many nurses also. In the facility where I worked, four nurses, myself included, worked there longer than three years. There is a steady revolving door in nursing homes. The best are the church owned and operated. The worse, the corporate and unless the 'resident' is deep in dementia, or mentally incompetent due to stroke I can't remember any one cognizant resident who was there simply because they needed help to remain in their home but didn't have it say that they loved where they were living as human being under custodial care.

What you suggest may be logical in theory but it is just a larger example of the downhill slide of the American culture. Orientals and Hispanics are multi-generational cultures. Old people are welcomed into the children's homes and cared for with reverence and respect. Is it hard? Yes. I see the same thing in the Amish families around us. Old people are home, in wheelchairs, looking out windows. They are clean, they are well fed, they are loved. Them causing inconveniences for their families is not even considered. It is family, pure and simple.

The baby boomers are one of the biggest age groups in America at this time if not the biggest. We are starting to age. We don't move as fast as we used to, our joints do not work as well. We have pain and health problems that pop up when we least expect it. But we still have much to offer to society. If, as in your case, your mother is in poor health herself, there are a multitude of senior services offered through the Dept of Aging that will allow her to stay in her home comfortably without her being a burden to her family. Yes, caregivers for hire, meals on wheels, and yes, drag the grandkids away from the video games and send them over to mow grandma's lawn for her and weed her flower bed. How else are kids going to learn that we are not an inconvenience to be tossed aways to a nursing home as we age but a treasure. And trust me, when you are 65, 75 or 85, life is going to be as precious to you as when you were 15, and you will, unless you are a turnip from dementia, stroke or Alzheimer's, rebel at the very thought of giving up your freedom to custodial care.

I fear that if society as a whole begins to think of it's senior citizens as being expendable, the death panels that were in the news a few years ago will come to reality. Medicine is trying to extend quality of life as well as quantity of life for humans. My husband and I have no close family. When we get to the point in our lives where we need help and if we had family, would we ask them for help? You bet.

As I stated, I cared for my parents for over 20 years and yes, the last two years of my father's life was spent in a nursing home because I could not leave him at home any longer. But he was where I worked and under my eye 8 hours every day I was there. Would I do it over again? Yes. With the knowledge I have now of senior services, I would definitely get help for myself so my shoulders didn't have to bear so much weight alone. Do I have regrets? Sure. I put my life on hold for them but I was all they had. But I go to sleep every night knowing I did all I could do and when all is said and done that is all any of us can do.

Sorry for the rant. Guess it's my turn to go away now.....

Not a rant...but a very informed perspective. Don't go away...come back....lol.

I certainly get where you're coming from. People really think that becoming a caregiver will be an easy job??? They must not have been very well informed prior to making their decision. It's one of the hardest jobs. It's mentally hard and I'm sure very draining at times...and incredibly physically hard. I have a huge amount of respect for those who do this job and love it and do it well. I spent the majority of my Saturdays throughout my elementary years at the care home where my great grandfather stayed. I visited the grandparents of a friend more than she did!

I helped the lost residents find their rooms. And then with hubby's Grandmother when his Grandfather passed. And now my Grandmother. You can see there are workers who really love it and others...not so much.

We've always made more of a conscious decision to be in our grandparents life, especially since we had our son. DH and I both lived at our Grandparents' homes. In turn our son has grown up knowing all about care facilities and such. Once he was in high school he walked across and visited his Great Grandma every week and he (without our knowing) sat all night with DH's mom when Great Grandma passed. He also took it upon himself to "coach" his friends about going to the care home because they weren't familiar with what to say...or how to act. One of his friend's mom is a worker there...lol. Our cousins also have never visited or taken their kids to see the grandparents like we have and their kids that are the age of our son haven't been instilled with our values. So I do see what you're saying there too. That link is being lost. My generation, the one under me...I'd say the one above me...I think dropped the ball.

But were people ever more respectful of the elderly years ago than they are now? My grandma looked after a lot of my Grandpa's family's kids. She also looked after an older family member who was staying somewhere in the city where people weren't feeding him properly or taking care of him properly. I don't know if they were family...or what it was. Quite a story. From all the stories of the older generations in my family...people were pretty adept at taking advantage of the elderly...and even the middle aged. It didn't sound like anyone had much respect. I'm also not sure we think seniors as more expendable now or if many of the previous generations passed away before the need for care as we have now.