The Old Folks Home

[7 Biddies]

Sounds like that British comedy with the sisters Violet, Rose and whats her name!!!

Oh, you'll have to tell me the name of the show. I think I'd love it!


Edited to say: Googled Hyacinth Bucket and found the name of the show. Needless to say, I've heard of it, but will have to watch it. Hope I can find some back episodes on NetFlix.

Keeping Up Appearances ... yes, that sounds like they should've had an "Olive" (my mother) in the cast. Hers was a British family and she definitely would've fit right in. I often laugh thinking what she would've thought of my current country lifestyle *with chickens*. <OMG!>

 

[Arielle]

Chickenwrangler definitely work out the ground rules before she comes and lives nearby. We didn't do that and by the time I tried setting boundaries it was way too late. It should be a little easier since she won't be living with you directly. My MIL respected our privacy when we were in the bedroom but it seemed like she took over the rest of the house. We actually lived in two different houses with her. In each she had her own room, her own bathroom and a "sitting room". She would hardly ever use the sitting rooms though other than to put her stuff in. She would park herself in the living room and rule the television all day long until she went to bed. She had something of hers in just about every room in the house. Now I did want her to feel like it was her house as well but I swear, if there was a horizontal surface in the house, she would put something there. She was all about quantity and not quality. I called her the Dollar Store Queen (well when I was being nice, I had another nickname for her that wasn't so nice

). Why have one nice doodad or nicknack when you can have 20 and be able to mark your territory in 20 places. One time she was having some dizziness and chest pains. I called the EMT's to get her checked out. They came and hooked her up and she was OK, no heart attack. They told her to make an appointment with her heart specialist and take it easy for the rest of the day. She had a rocker in the living room where she was sitting but it didn't have a table next to it. DH brought an end table in to set next to the chair so that she could set a glass of water right next to her and not have to get up. It was supposed to be temporary. The next day she was feeling much better and by lunch time she had her crap on the table.

It stayed there from that day forwards. I drew the line at hanging all of the family pictures all over the house. She would have wallpapered the whole house with them had I let her. I have nothing wrong with family pictures being hung but I wanted to feel like it was my house too. I also drew the line after her mother passed away. She had a box of things that she got when they cleaned out her mother's house. She wanted to display all the items in different areas of the house. I told her to pick a few special ones and the rest of the items she could find a place for in her room or her sitting room. This was years into living together and I was tired of dusting her multitudes of crap. It really didn't help that her taste and my taste were different. Oh well, that part of our lives is thankfully over. I feel bad for her other son. You walk into the house that they share and don't even realize that he lives there until you get to the back of the house where he has one room for his stuff.

Dh and I had a little chat about the possiblity of either of our mothers coming to live with us. Rather I put my foot down his mom is not living with us . . and his reply was not your mother either. Funny how my view has changed in 20 years. Ihad designed our house with the idea of putting a bathroom near a room with TWO built in closets. Love my MIL but she is getting too set in her ways and she is more manipuating than I realized. Maybe it's because we always meshed, and then the day came when I wanted something diferent . . . and she got upset complete with tears and the boo hoos. My SIL was right. Our relationship has deteriorated since.

 

[dsqard]

Arielle, I have totally seen MIL use tears as weapons. She acts like a sweet little old lady but I know that woman has an iron core and a will to go with it. If she wants something a certain way, she has boo hoo'd to get it. It worked on DH since he grew up with his dad treating her like a queen but it didn't work on me. I have seen passive agressive behavior before and knew what I was looking at. I was just trying to keep the peace and get along. The thing is, I think she would have only been 100% happy if we would all completely bend to her will and I wasn't willing to go all the way. I was willing to make consessions and adjustments but not her. I think that is why when I specifically asked her not to put DH in the middle anymore, she couldn't last more than a day. As I said, I am very happy that part of my life is over. I get along with her just fine from 900 miles away.

Soon, it might even be further away. I am sitting in VA right now coming back from checking out a job opportunity with my company in VA. DH and I are both really excited about the idea of moving away from UT. Sorry Cynthia, but I am ready to leave. UT is pretty but it doesn't feel like home.

 

[Arielle]

Arielle, I have totally seen MIL use tears as weapons. She acts like a sweet little old lady but I know that woman has an iron core and a will to go with it. If she wants something a certain way, she has boo hoo'd to get it. It worked on DH since he grew up with his dad treating her like a queen but it didn't work on me. I have seen passive agressive behavior before and knew what I was looking at. I was just trying to keep the peace and get along. The thing is, I think she would have only been 100% happy if we would all completely bend to her will and I wasn't willing to go all the way. I was willing to make consessions and adjustments but not her. I think that is why when I specifically asked her not to put DH in the middle anymore, she couldn't last more than a day. As I said, I am very happy that part of my life is over. I get along with her just fine from 900 miles away.

Soon, it might even be further away. I am sitting in VA right now coming back from checking out a job opportunity with my company in VA. DH and I are both really excited about the idea of moving away from UT. Sorry Cynthia, but I am ready to leave. UT is pretty but it doesn't feel like home.

MY mother divorced her first husband after he pointed a gun at her. SHe always played the victim, and as I child I believed her; them I saw the arguments with her second husband and he eventually caved to prevent the horriffic arguments. Passive-aggressive. Many years later I would hear from distant cousins how much they liked my father. (I hadn't seen him since the divorce, aparrently the new husband threatened the other to stay away.) I did get to meet him a few times in the year before he died.

I live 300+ miles away from my mother, and moved out the day after graduating from college. It was a healthy choice to make. I see her occassionally for short visits. It is what it is.

Home is in NEw England for me. I visited FLorida once as a teenager, and hated it even in February. I knew I could only live in NEw England. It is not Maine, but then Maine is not as I remember it either.

I will take your situation under advisement and neither mothers are coming to live with us. Afterall they do have other children that are their favorites and all have a much bigger houses!!

 

[Achickenwrangler#1]

Good luck with that job transfer, it's beautiful on this side of the world. Yeah, one thing I never could do was turn on the water facet tears. I think they want to take over the house, remember the good old days when they were queen. Most people don't know how to share a house, IMO, or pick up after themselves either. The first thing mil did when visiting is plop herself down on the couch in my spot. I had even set up a nice last lazy boy, with table and floor lamp for reading...and clearly, my things were right there next to my spot. It was so obvious she wanted my place. Turns out she had alot of trouble standing up from the couch...so I said...that is why I set up a chair you can be comfortable in. 'Oh?! That's your spot..I didn't know everybody had a spot" well, really, we do. So now you know (liar) besides, the chair was on the other side, close enough so she could talk with her son if she wants. She tried sitting in 'his' spot once to talk with me (on the pretense of acting like she can sit where she wants) couldn't stand up and wanted me to help her...so I laughed and said, if you're going to sit on the couch, you'll have to be able to stand yourself up by yourself. She stays in her spot now, which really is comfy...go figure. Maybe I'm mean but I just hate manipulative crap and I'm not buying any of it, besides, due to a neck injury I can't be pulling 200 lb old ladies out of chairs.... and they always go all dead weight on you for some reason. At least, though, I am making sure the addition is the way I want, so the masterbedroom bath and closets can be closed off from the rest of the house...even just for guests. Closed. No admittance.

 

[dsqard]

Chickenwrangler, when we all moved back to AZ we purchased a new couch for the living room. When DH and I moved up to Utah, the couch that was only 5 years old, came with us. We had to replace it because one cusion had a permanent MIL butt print in it.

 

[Achickenwrangler#1]

Way too funny!

 

[7 Biddies]

Dh and I had a little chat about the possiblity of either of our mothers coming to live with us. Rather I put my foot down his mom is not living with us . . and his reply was not your mother either. Funny how my view has changed in 20 years. Ihad designed our house with the idea of putting a bathroom near a room with TWO built in closets. Love my MIL but she is getting too set in her ways and she is more manipuating than I realized. Maybe it's because we always meshed, and then the day came when I wanted something diferent . . . and she got upset complete with tears and the boo hoos. My SIL was right. Our relationship has deteriorated since.

My mother stayed with my brother for 2 years before he finally managed to get her out of his house. She only lasted at my house for 2 very loooooong months. She was only in her early 60's and in excellent shape at the time but, when my dad died, she wanted someone to "take care of her".

I learned never to do the same thing to my children, so I have taken out a Long-Term Disability Insurance Policy. My kids know about it and are grateful that I've seen to it that I'm taken care of in my dotage. Unfortunately, their father hasn't done the same and they worry about what will happen. My daughter lives in France, but is moving back to live in SFO. My son is thinking of moving to the west coast, as well, while both their father and I live in Georgia. I don't want to turn their lives upside down by moving in with them one day, and wish their father felt the same. But, he's busy spending it all on having fun before that time comes. (Obviously, I was young and stupid and ended up marrying a man just like my mother.

)

The best thing anyone can do for their kids is to see that they don't have to worry about taking care of their parents in their old age. Given a choice between that and a larger inheritance, I chose the former. My kids are glad I did.

 

[7 Biddies]

Oh, you'll have to tell me the name of the show. I think I'd love it!


Edited to say: Googled Hyacinth Bucket and found the name of the show. Needless to say, I've heard of it, but will have to watch it. Hope I can find some back episodes on NetFlix.

Keeping Up Appearances ... yes, that sounds like they should've had an "Olive" (my mother) in the cast. Hers was a British family and she definitely would've fit right in. I often laugh thinking what she would've thought of my current country lifestyle *with chickens*. <OMG!>

Just read this: ".. Hyacinth's days are spent performing "charitable" acts for the lower classes (including her sisters)". As my avatar, Miss Prissy, would say, "Why, yay-yesss". Perfect, just perfect. Can't wait to watch this on NetFlix tonight.

 

[Arielle]

Quote: I can laugh at Hyacinth---silly antics, her poor husband Richard! Love his patience and the looks between him and SIL husband. Precious. Or the next door neighbor who is always breaking beautiful teacups because Hyacinthe has made her so nervous about dropping the teacups. Too funny.