The Old Folks Home

[Latestarter]

Wow Diva, that's a real problem since the bus only provides service the two days... If you mess up and "lose a day" someplace, you're screwed... Or I guess you can call on your brother and hope he's in a mood to help you out... Course that "costs" too as you need to bribe him with a movie or food items... But I can totally identify with staying up because you don't want to take the chance of over sleeping and missing it... Yup, I've done that too.

Really sorry Chicka... It's a terrible situation and very difficult to break out of... It's a vicious circle/cycle that feeds on itself. I'm truly sorry to say that tragically, many are not able to break out of it and pay a very dear price for it. I'm pretty sure you're aware of that too

I hope y'all can help her get through this. You know that we're all rooting for her here.

 

[superchemicalgirl]

I have to head out to the dentist in a few. It's almost 90 minutes each way, which is plenty of time to go from fairly calm to completely panicked as I continue to sit/drive and think about the dentist.

I hate the dentist. I'd much rather be at work.

Later today I have to go get trained to be a pig-sitter for this weekend through next week. Prepare yourself, there will likely be cute pictures of hogs involved.

 

[chickadoodles]

I have to head out to the dentist in a few. It's almost 90 minutes each way, which is plenty of time to go from fairly calm to completely panicked as I continue to sit/drive and think about the dentist.

I hate the dentist. I'd much rather be at work.

Later today I have to go get trained to be a pig-sitter for this weekend through next week. Prepare yourself, there will likely be cute pictures of hogs involved.

Ask for a nerve pill before a dentist appt. It helps.

 

[bruceha2000]

Thanks so much. We was at the hospital all night last night. We just got off the phone. She is at her sisters and she is not very happy about it. Her sister has already set down strict rules?
I don't know she did not tell me. But her sister does love her and only want's the best for her. She was suppose to go to another friends house. So maybe a delay.

Her children are grown and wanted to stay with their dad.

Chicki congrats for making it thru and coming out great on the other side!

The children wanted to stay with him when? If he has been abusing your daughter for years, the children know about it. If they want to stay with him NOW, he has at least major amount of emotional and controlling abuse over them.

What a terribly difficult situation. So many have already been through it and more always follow. Sorry you and your family are now dealing with it. It's not an easy or simple issue to "fix". I really hope that your daughter has the foresight and strength to get through this, and she'll need all the caring and compassionate (but strict and no nonsense) support that she can get from you and the rest of the family and friends.

Please don't make the mistake that many make in believing that her abusive husband will let this go. And don't try to "protect her kids" from the reality of what their "daddy" has been doing all these years. They need to be made painfully aware of what a scumbag he is in order to "break the cycle". Please explain to your daughter that as long as she protects them (her kids) from the reality that is "dad", she is setting them up, and their future children, to go through exactly the same thing! It's what they think is normal and accepted and your daughter is reinforcing that belief.

I wish all of you the best, and a clean break from the mess.

YES YES YES!!!!!!!!!!!
My heart breaks thinking your grandchildren will be married to abusers or abusers themselves. So many girls marry a man like the one that married mom. Men emulate their father. She HAS TO GET OUT, she has to NOT think that the kids would be better off with Dad NOT in jail. She has to NOT think that she can not live without him. OUT!!!!!!! She AND THE KIDS all need counseling to understand what they are doing to themselves. This IS NOT NORMAL! (But too common)

I can not find a crying emoji, I need one here.

I have to head out to the dentist in a few. It's almost 90 minutes each way, which is plenty of time to go from fairly calm to completely panicked as I continue to sit/drive and think about the dentist.

I hate the dentist. I'd much rather be at work.

Later today I have to go get trained to be a pig-sitter for this weekend through next week. Prepare yourself, there will likely be cute pictures of hogs involved.

There might be other dentists in Maine, some maybe closer to where you live

 

[chickadoodles]

Latestarter thanks you. I am aware of the possibilities if she goes back. I have been trying to tell her.
We are all freaking out.

 

[chickadoodles]

Quote:
The children have grown up watching this their whole lives and think this is normal. It's crazy but that's the way it is.
They also think it's their mothers fault that this happens. And that is also the way it is.
The youngest is 18 and the oldest is 23 and they do not intend on leaving. Their mother tried to get them to leave with her. They refused!
That is all she could do.
The children also defend their father no matter what happens.

 

[bruceha2000]

So her children would rather see her on a slab in the morgue then visit her at the cemetery than visit him in jail. Perhaps they should think on that concept for awhile. At the very least (and I HIGHLY DOUBT THIS) they could convince their father to live and let live. Let her go, forget about her.

Of COURSE they think this is their Mother's fault, they have been "brainwashed" all their lives by their father to think that. And no child wants to think their father is scum, even when he is. These "kidults" need to look at the family relations of their friends and coworkers. IS this abuse "normal" and existing in a majority if not all of them? If it were NORMAL the answer would be Yes. I will bet the answer is a resounding No.

And he has "brainwashed" your daughter to think she is worthless. No one would want her, she can't exist without him. She needs to leave, and if that means leaving the children behind, so be it (easier said than done I know!). I DO understand the "suicide is the only way out" thinking. But there are people, Deb pointed to some, who can help her both be safe and regain her sense of self worth. If she were in such an environment, seeing others who are or were in her situation and state of mind, knowing that she is NOT the only person to have lived such an existence, she may heal and move on.

for you and your family

 

[superchemicalgirl]

There might be other dentists in Maine, some maybe closer to where you live

Although there are not a lot of dentists in this state, there are ones closer to me. I've tried them and I continue to go back to this guy. He's completely eccentric (today instead of his normal show tunes he was playing Johnny Cash). He's got chickens. And most importantly he doesn't bat an eyelash when I tell him it's going to require Valium and Haldol to get me back. His office genuinely cares more about you than the money.

We don't have good healthcare in this state (my tonsillectomy story should keep you up at night) so if you find someone good, you stick with it.

 

[drumstick diva]

SCG please be careful pig-sitting. Under NO circumstances do you want to fall down in the pig pen.

 

[superchemicalgirl]

No but I might bring someone along and push them in.