the poison in my life is gone, so why do i feel so guilty? long post *update now it goes to trial*

[shadowpaints]

grama has decided that they are out of her life too . neither of us have talked or will talk to them . we are both done

 

[Mahonri]

1. Someone needs to protect 80 old grandma. If she is falling regularly and she has no one to take care of her, that's elder abuse. Call uncles and aunts, if they don't want to take her in, you may need to.

2. The mother who raised you is your mom and you should call her "Mom". Your birth mother is nothing but an incubator and IMO less than human in her actions. You need to stay as far away from your brother and birth mother as possible. AND get rid of anything in your possession that she actually owns as soon as possible. CUT ALL TIES! So you loose some money on feed. GET RID OF IT ALL.

3. You can forgive her, (ALL OF US ARE REQUIRED TO FORGIVE) but you DO NOT need to apologize! You've done' nothing wrong. I would never subject my kids to that. I wouldn't have Thanksgiving or Christmas or any other holiday with that, you've done nothing wrong. There is no need to feel guilty. The guilty party is your mother and obviously your brother and your grandmother is a saint.

4. I could give you scriptural references that would support all of the above, but would only do it in a PM.

 

[shadowpaints]

Quote:
thank you Mahonri. this is exacttly how i feel.

so far, i think grama is ok on her own, with daily check ins from me and multi daily check ins from my uncle. when the time comes, i will hire a nurse, to live with her.
luckily, terri (birth mother) has no proof the animals i have belong to her. the ones that are registered, are registered in my name and they have a current brand inspection in my name. the mule will go. no matter what. the mini tho, i would like to use in my breeding herd, but we will see. i may just sell both of them , time will tell

scriptural refrences, would be nice, maybe they would ease my mind a bit.

thanks

 

[HeatherLynn]

Myabe you feel guilty because you want to feel differently about your mom. Its hard to let go of our pre conceived notions of how family and parents should act and our relationship with them. Your finding out her actions don't match up to what you would expect but you don't seem to have given up the relationship you normally should have with her. Your not in a normal family relationship with her or your brother though. Accept that they might be blood related but not really family. I have a sibling I have relegated that way. I hope your Grandma doesn;t have to put up with such abuse anymore. If it were me I would check if you can report elderly abuse without grandma being the one to press charges. Sounds like she could use an advocate to look after her best interest.

 

[zzGypsy]

you feel guilty because you've been trained to... that's one of the ways crazy people keep you in their game.

keep in mind it's *their* game, you don't know the rules, you aren't allowed to figure it out, that's part of the rules... if you start to figure it out, the rules change. given that you can't know the rules, you will always, always come out on the losing side of the game.

the only way to win, the only way to survive with your sanity, is to not play at all.

I know this, first hand. I was raised by crazy people. so here are my suggestions:

1) stay away from crazy people. especially if they're related to you.

2) save your grandma. call senior services or the county welfare agent and ask for help for her. if she can't get up when she falls, she can't live alone. she's having significant health issues, she needs help. if you can't take her in, then get her help from someone else.

3) call the police on your brother. if he punched someone, that's assault. and in this case, it's elder abuse too. report it, ask the police to investigate, the DA to prosecute. if he can't behave like a civil person with the woman who's housing him and paying his way, if he feels free to punch her, clearly it's time for him to have another lesson. let the system do that. his behavior will continue to escalate, you've already seen that. the next time he's ticked off, it may go well beyond just one punch... getting the police involved may save someone real injuries or worse.

once you've done those 3 things, you'll know you've done what you can, and you can start to breathe again, let go of the guilt, and have your own life back.

 

[shadowpaints]

charges are being pressed, the pretrial is janurary 5th. ugh...
its weird not having her here, i mean, sometimes she is nice and i do love her but GAH the drama, the negativness! i cant have it any more! ya know? i mean 'mother' (i call her tj) caused a argument with my hubby while they were standing in my ICU room after my brain surgery. its CRAZY. truth be told, i have more friends that are like family , then i do actual family .

 

[zzGypsy]

see rule # 1:

Quote:
weird not to have the drama?
unusual, maybe.
but I call that kind of weird... Peace.

AAAaaaaah.

 

[Sonoran Silkies]

Quote:
thank you Mahonri. this is exacttly how i feel.

so far, i think grama is ok on her own, with daily check ins from me and multi daily check ins from my uncle. when the time comes, i will hire a nurse, to live with her.
luckily, terri (birth mother) has no proof the animals i have belong to her. the ones that are registered, are registered in my name and they have a current brand inspection in my name. the mule will go. no matter what. the mini tho, i would like to use in my breeding herd, but we will see. i may just sell both of them , time will tell

scriptural refrences, would be nice, maybe they would ease my mind a bit.

thanks

It sounds like there may not be, but, if there IS anything indicating her ownership of the animals, send her a certified letter giving 30 days for all fees owed to be paid, or that the animals will be sold to cover them.

 

[Mattemma]

I am so sorry you and your gam are going through this. I thought police will press charges when there is evident physical abuse. My friends gram got abused to her death. Some just get so beat down from all those *little things*, or feel they must put up with it for family.

I hope you can protect your gram.She does not have to much time left,and it would be a shame if she has to spend the rest of her days abused by family.Sadly,she may forgive and allow them to return into her home and life.I hope you can help her. We have similar family issues going on. Younger ones abusing and taking advantage of the older family members.Everyone sees it,says it is sad,but does nothing to stop it.

The guilt and sadness will come and go. You always wonder what you could have done more to finally make things better.You feel bad for finally saying *enough* and cutting them off. I know. Hugs to you.Hugs to your gram. Prayers for your mom and brother that they make a change for the better. Sometimes stepping back and cutting them off is the only thing you can do.Sometimes it actually makes them see the error of their ways. Ofcourse there are times they will put on an act just to get you to let them back in,and then the bad stuff starts seeping in all over again. Be cautious.

Life will be better without all that crazy drama.Maybe gram can stay with you for a little while. A home health aide is a option. Some even prefer the security of an apartment in a senoir complex.They have activites and someone on call all day.My moms friend is in one and it is rent by income.

Best wishes for your family!

 

[redhen]

Holy crazy family Batman....

I would stay away from those toxic people...
I'm sorry that its your mom and brother... but those types of people are dangerous to be around,...
You dont want your children to grow up seeing that, do you? Just keep thinking of them...
Just stay strong, you did nothing wrong..

I hope you feel better about all of this soon..