the poison in my life is gone, so why do i feel so guilty? long post *update now it goes to trial*

[shadowpaints]

spent the afternoon with grama today. she is in such better spirits now that my brother is not living there. we worked on cleaning out all the stuff he had in his room, and got half of it cleaned out and half of what we got out was trash.. UGH i am hoping that we can have that room cleaned out before the new year.


i sure appreciate all your support. it makes me feel so much better, knowing there are some more people on my side and not my birth mothers and brothers side

 

[rancher hicks]

I just read the beginning or the original post and have this advice.

Sometimes you love them but you can't help them. You can however survive, but you need to cut them off and be strong. If you don't they will ruin your life, you spouses life and your kids lives and theirs. My DIL is going through this very thing. I went through it.

YOU HAVE TO SEPARATE YOURSELF FOR YOUR FAMILIES SAKE. THEY COME FIRST.

DIL 's mother is in need and has been of counseling. However don't expect them to take the advice.

You are only a bad person if you don't realize you need to stay away from them and them from you. Don't let them do to your kids what they did to you.

You can not love them into functionality. No amount of kindness will change them. This goes for any member of your family who is an adult and "chooses" badly. Mother , father , brother, sister etc. etc.

You can learn from my experience or you can take your kids to counseling later the choice is your. I have a sister who I won't speak to. She is poison and spreads poison where ever she goes.

Sorry for sounding harsh but, its a sad fact of life,

Rancher

Friends are family you choose for yourself.

 

[zzGypsy]

Quote:
Rancher, that is one of the most brilliant things I've heard said about situations like these.
If I'd learned that earlier, I'd have lived less of my life crazy.

Quote:
indeed.

shadowpaints, Rancher is wise... his words may help you let go of the nonsenical guilt that's sometimes hard to turn loose of.

I'd put them on a pendant and wear it close to your heart.

 

[shadowpaints]

another update. grama spent all day in court, waiting to get a restraining order on my birth mother. she got it. i am so glad!! now she cant be hurt by her any more

 

[redhen]

 

[dewey]

My heart goes out to your family and I am so sorry for all that your family has been through.

I'm not sure how it is in other states but in this state, RO's have to be served on the party before it can be enforced. Many times the named party ends up being served when they show up again on the property, hopefully it's served before that.

Statistically, about 50% of restraining orders are violated (it's just a piece of paper and offers no protection whatsoever) not to mention that about 70% of RO's for stalker situations are violated. RO's only give a paper trail & legal recourse after the fact.

Having a safety plan in place is so very important after obtaining an RO. While RO's may deter some abusers from further actions, RO's cannot prevent or protect against anything...in fact, RO's often serve to inflame and anger the abuser to take further drastic actions (which is classic textbook behavior on the abuser's part) and is usually the most dangerous time for those that seek to separate from the abuser.

Please search out info on safety plans, and be as safe as possible during this time. There's national and local resources with info on safety plans for survivors of domestic violence.

 

[shadowpaints]

a little funny...

when my uncle slapped my brother, my brother is now pressing charges for getting 'beat up' ( yeahhh right 2 slaps is not getting beat up.... i can show him what its like to get beat up tho! LOL

well my brother went and tried to get a public defender

*snort*

poor brother what is he going to do when he finds out he is going to have to pay for a lawyer?? he has no job... and he hasnt been able to get one because of his crime


grama is in good spirits this morning, she called me first thing to have our cup of coffee over the phone... only i was still in bed . then 4 minutes later she called again LOL ok im up LOL

i love her!

 

[CityClucks]

Your grandma is blessed to have you. Sounds like you are both doing the right thing - stick to your guns.

 

[BlackBrookPoultry]

There's no doubt that your brother will end up in jail again. You're "mother" will probably come around when that happens, out of lonliness or to try to get money from grandma to pay his fines/lawyers. You guys need to stay strong and keep both of them out of your lives. Your kids don't need people like that influencing them. And your grandma certainly doesn't need to spend the rest of her life with a violent leech stuck to her.

 

[shadowpaints]

just found out that brother got approved for SSI disability... why i have NO idea, i cant even get ssi disability and i have had brain surgery! UGH


any who he has a large sum of money now, as they have been fighting for this for a while

Grama has paid for all his room and board. all electricity, all clothing and paid for his smokes. grama also did his laundry, cooked his meals ETC. brother, burned up 2 of her brand new chainsaws, her weedeater, her router (for woodworking) and 2 lawn mowers.

grama also would give him 40$ a week.
Grama is listed as the 'payee' of his money. grama doesnt want to charge him anything, not when i first talked to her these last few days, but i now have her agreeing he owes her SOMETHING

i think he owes grama 500$ a month for the last 23 months. i think that is fair is it not??