Ooh i got a couple:
My friend thinks he is smart. He told me an onion is the only food that makes you cry, so I threw a coconut at his face.
A child asked his father, "How were people born?" So his father said, "Adam and Eve made babies, then their babies became adults and made babies, and so on." The child then went to his mother, asked her the same question and she told him, "We were monkeys then we evolved to become like we are now." The child ran back to his father and said, "You lied to me!" His father replied, "No, your mom was talking about her side of the family."
A man went to his lawyer and told him, "My neighbor owes me $500 and he won’t pay up. What should I do?" "Do you have any proof he owes you the money?" asked the lawyer. "Nope," replied the man. "OK, then write him a letter asking him for the $5,000 he owed you," said the lawyer. "But it's only $500," replied the man. "Precisely. That’s what he will reply and then you’ll have your proof!"
Laugh Factory is a good place to get this kinda stuff
Oh l have herd the fist one
One day a little girl goes to school and stared talking about a boy who got eaten by a wale the teacher herd her and said that that was impossible they argued for a while than the girl said when l go to heaven l will ask him the teacher asked what if the boy did not go to heaven the little girl simply replied " than you can ask him"
I got sent to the. Principals office to day because my teacher pointed a ruler at me and said that there was a stupid person at the end of it and l asked which end
A spokesman was talking to a crowd and was saying that sticks and stones may break my bones but words can't hurt me so l through a book at him
I gave you 10 bucks and he gave you 50 and you thought he was so much better but l only had 10 he had 500