The Rules of Dixie

Discussion in 'Games, Jokes, and Fun!' started by Davaroo, Jun 19, 2008.

  1. Davaroo

    Davaroo Poultry Crank

    Feb 4, 2007
    Leesville, SC
    NOTE: Firmly place your tongue in your cheek as you read this - it is intended as fun. You are not authorized to take it seriously.

    In case any of you were wondering (or worse, Yankees planning to visit the South [​IMG] ), here's what there is to know.

    Rules of DIXIE

    · Save all manner of bacon or sausage grease. If it can't be fried in pork renderings, it ain't worth cooking, let alone eating.

    · Just because one can drive on snow and ice, doesn't mean one should. Better to stay home on the one or two days of the year it snows here.

    · If you do run your car into a ditch, don't panic. Four men in a four-wheel-drive with a 12-pack of beer and a tow chain will be along shortly. Don't try to help them with your car. Just stay out of their way: This is what they live for.

    · Don't be surprised to find movie rentals, shotgun ammunition and fishing bait in the same store.

    · Remember: "Y'all" is singular. "All y'all" is plural. "All y'all's" is plural possessive.

    · There is nothing sillier than a northerner imitating a Southern accent, unless it is a Southerner imitating a Boston accent.

    · People walk slower here.

    · Don't be worried that you don't understand anyone. They don't understand you either.

    · The first Southern expression to creep into a transplanted Northerner's vocabulary is the adjective "Big ol'", as in "big ol' truck" or "big ol' boy". Eighty-five percent begin their new southern influenced dialect with this expression. One hundred percent are in denial about it.

    · The proper pronunciation you learned in school is no longer proper.

    · "He needed killin'" is a valid defense here.

    · If attending a funeral in the South: remember, we stay until the last shovel of dirt is thrown on and the tent is torn down. Then we eat.

    · If you hear a Southerner exclaim, "Hey, y'all, watch this!" stay out of his way. He's about to do something very stupid.... these are likely the last words he will ever say.

    · Most Southerners do not use turn signals, and they ignore those who do (the same can be said of Bostonians, for the record).
    In fact, if you see a signal blinking on a car with southern plates, you may rest assured that it was on and blinking when the car was purchased.

    · Northerners can be identified by the spit on the inside of their car's windshield, which comes from yelling at other drivers.

    · The winter wardrobe you're accustomed to bringing out in September - can wait until November.

    · If there is the prediction of the slightest chance, of even the tiniest accumulation of snow, your presence is required at the local grocery store. Usually this entails the panicked purchase of bread, milk and eggs.
    It does not matter if you need these things, or anything else from the store; it is just something you're supposed to do here.

    · Satellite dishes are very popular in the South. When you purchase one it is to be positioned directly in front of your trailer. This is logical, considering the dish costs considerably more than the trailer itself and should, therefore, be displayed proudly.

    · Tornadoes and Southerners going through a divorce have a lot in common. In either case, someone is going to lose a trailer.

    · Florida is not considered a Southern state (except Gainesville), since there are far more Yankees than Southerners living there.

    · As you are cursing someone driving 15 mph in a 55 mph zone and hogging the whole lane before you, remember:
    Many folks learned to drive on a vehicle little seen above the Mason-Dixon Line, known as a 'John Deere.' This is the proper speed and lane position for this vehicle.

    · You can ask a Southerner for directions, but unless you already know the positions of key hills, trees, rocks or large dogs in the area - you're better off trying to find it yourself.

    Thanks to my daughter for this! SO much, so true [​IMG]
    Last edited by a moderator: Jun 19, 2008
  2. ticks

    ticks Pheasant Obsessed

    Apr 1, 2008
    The Sticks, Vermont
    I will remember that. [​IMG] [​IMG]
  3. nccountrygirl

    nccountrygirl Songster

    Jul 31, 2007
    Sanford N.C.
    YeeeHaaa, that was sure a goodun. And how right you are.
  4. Quote:[​IMG] [​IMG] [​IMG]
  5. Matt A NC

    Matt A NC Crowing

    Feb 22, 2007
    Morganton, NC
    Quote:Don't bother em, just move. It may the last thing he ever does, but it'll be Funny as Hell.

    Matt - raised in the foothills and mountains of TN and NC, that special kind of southerner.
    Last edited: Jun 19, 2008
  6. debbyluvschickens

    debbyluvschickens Songster

    Apr 21, 2008
    eastern arkansas
    LOL that is so cute........ and true for the most part.....
  7. mangled

    mangled Songster

    "He needed killin'" is a valid defense here.

    LOL, I know a few folks who would use that as a defence... [​IMG]

  8. TeaLady

    TeaLady In the Brooder

    May 9, 2008
    All that bit about snow? Same applies to the Seattle area. One person sees one flake and the phone lines and emails light up.
    [​IMG] B-Bok! [​IMG] B-bokbok b-bok!!! [​IMG] [​IMG]

    In our defense, though, on the rare occasions when we get snow it is wet heavy stuff. On hills -- this is very up and down terrain. It warms up enough during the day to either melt the snow entirely or turn it into a thin layer of water on top of ice. If the latter, it then freezes again to a nice smooth sheet. There isn't much of it, but it is a doozy. And hardly anyone knows how to drive on it. Best to make a cup of cocoa and build a fire. If you have a view of a street on a hill, though, you can pull up a chair and watch the show.
  9. LilPeeps

    LilPeeps Songster

    Jan 13, 2007
    SE Mass
    Quote:Could not agree more!!!

    Quote:Also true [​IMG]
    Last edited: Jun 20, 2008
  10. ChickieWhickie

    ChickieWhickie Songster

    May 28, 2008
    Western KY
    I love it.[​IMG]

    I have to add:

    If your mail carrier drives a old 4x4 that doubles for a huntin'/fishin' truck, you might be in the south.

    I always think about Chevy Chase in Funny Farm when I have to drive my dad's farm truck to deliver mail. If you haven't seen the movie, you have to rent it.

    Craig Morgan made a video International Harvester. The video shows the proper lane position & speed for farm equipment.
    Last edited: Jun 20, 2008

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