The Saga of Chuckleberry Manor

[Flobbalop]

Suzie and myself (Jon) wanted a few hens for egg laying and pets, we thought the best way to go was to save a few point of lay battery hens from a bad existence, so we purchased 8 lovely Warrens from the battery farmer.

I made a hen house for them, that’s an understatement though, this hen house is more like the lord of the manor’s mansion.
The hens are named Tilla the hen, Stitch, Marjorie, Victoria, Blodwyn, Abigail, Holly and Chuckles.

Marjorie is the leader of the gang and often leads the others astray with escape attempts apparently planned and executed with military precision.

She fooled me once when I opened the nest box and she tried to get out, I shooed her back in and she clucked at me in disgust then started to walk away.
Marjorie is no ordinary hen....oh no far from it, little did I know that she was leading me into a false sense of security as she showed her backside and did what comes naturally on the nest box as if to say “eat my shorts bird brain”.

Because I had seen her walking away I turned my back for a second and then proceeded to fasten the nest box back up and walked away up the garden path thinking everything was hunky dory,
I was wrong.......very wrong

Our pet cat named T.C. was in the kitchen and I heard him scream as if all the demons from cat hell had risen up from the depths to get him. I ran towards the back door to find Marjorie head butting the cat flap, trying to get at T.C. in order I presumed, to eat him.

We were lucky that fateful day, it was just an opportunistic escape attempt she had made and she was on her own, if she had planned it she would probably have acquired some C4 explosive and made a proper job of the door.

I had just lit a cigarette so I put it between my lips, picked Marjorie up and carried her back to the run, I saw her look at my cigarette but sussed out that she wanted to eat it as her cat supper was now spoilt, I kept her away from my cig and felt chuffed that she was being co-operative

I didn’t feel good for long........darn it all, she is just a chicken and I am intelligent and supposed to be at the top of the food chain.

I went into the run and placed her gently on the ground next to Blodwyn,
(I named her Blodwyn due to her slightly Welsh sounding cluck).....

As I stood up relishing my victory Marjorie squawked and took a flying leap at my head, she grabbed my cigarette....I was afraid......very afraid, not because she might hurt herself but because she might set the chicken coop on fire just to escape, my lightning reactions kicked in (due to the constant commando style escape attempts) and I had grabbed the cigarette from her before she hit the ground, I was only gleeful for a micro second as Marjorie’s second in command Blodwyn grabbed it from my hand and headed for the coop knowing that I couldn’t fit through the small hatch.......

I set off running, my heart pounding........hoping against hope that they hadn’t stored any dynamite in the coop while I was away, Marjorie’s military cunning kicked in now and she jumped in front of me to trip me up

AAAARGH I screamed in fear and I fell forward, my whole life flashed through my mind as Marjorie flew up to meet me in mid fall on my downward journey, it was like a scene from ‘chariots of fire’
I turned my head as Marjorie leapt up to join my fall.....I looked into her eyes and I’m sure I saw her beak turned upwards into a grin as she followed me down and waited for the splat......

It was worth her wait....It was a big splat.....It had been raining and Chuckles leapt out the way just in time after depositing a great big sloppy present right in the middle of the puddle that the side of my head went into,
(it occurred to me at that moment why we had named her Chuckles.....she was rolling about on her back laughing) as was my wife Suzie on the outside of the fence who had rushed outside on hearing the commotion to observe me lying with my head in a puddle blowing bubbles with a burning cigarette stuck in my right ear and Blodwyn wandering about on the side of my face.

I burbled insanely at the ambulance men as they carried me out on a stretcher to please keep them locked in, one of them said “don’t worry they won’t get hurt in your garden”......I replied
”I know that but Marjorie knows where my car keys are”

 

[joedie]

I'd love a pic of the hen with a butt in her beak!

 

[OHhappychicks]

I laughed so much while reading your story, my husband had to come see what it was about, and I read it to him with much difficulty

Keep updated on the latest from "Chuckleberry Manor"!!!

 

[SangaChicken]

I once had a chicken steal a lit cigarette. She ran about, all proud of herself. I eventually got it back, and was careful to make sure she didn't inhale.

 

[Sillystunt]

i think i just pee'd my pants

 

[DebbieLynn]

I want to say THANK YOU! I laughed for so long I started crying and the family just knew I had finally gone off the deep end! I haven't laughed that hard in a long time.

 

[SunnyChic]

Your story is the greatest!

 

[Iowa Roo Mom]

First I have to say

OMG! That was so freaking funny!!!

That was just what I needed! Thanks