Things I have learned :)

Discussion in 'Games, Jokes, and Fun!' started by Parson's Wife, May 30, 2008.

  1. Parson's Wife

    Parson's Wife Blessed Abundantly

    Jan 22, 2008
    Arkansas
    Hello,
    Got this in an email....was mighty cute...actually almost amazing...didn't realize anybody else knowed what we always said... [​IMG]

    Things I have Learned Living in Arkansas [​IMG]

    Possums sleep in the middle of the road with their feet in the air.
    There are 5,000 types of snakes on earth and 4,998 live in Arkansas .
    There are 10,000 types of spiders. All 10,000 live in Arkansas plus a couple no one's seen before.
    If it grows, it sticks; if it crawls, it bites.
    Onced and Twiced are words.
    It is not a shopping cart; it is a buggy.
    People actually grow and eat okra.
    "Fixinto" is one word.
    There is no such thing as "lunch." There is only dinner and then there is supper.
    Iced tea is appropriate for all meals and you start drinking it when you're two. We do like a little tea with our sugar!
    Backards and forwards means "I know everything about you."
    DJeet? is actually a phrase meaning "Did you eat?"
    You don't have to wear a watch because it doesn't matter what time it is. You work until you're done or it's too dark to see.
    You don't PUSH buttons, you MASH them.
    You measure distance in minutes.
    You've ever had to switch from "heat" to "A/C" in the same day.
    "Fix" is a verb. Example: "I'm fixing to go to the store."
    All the festivals across the state are named after a fruit, vegetable, grain, insect or animal.
    You install security lights on your house and garage and leave both unlocked.
    You know what a "DAWG" is.
    You carry jumper cables in your car . . . for your OWN car.
    There are only own four spices: salt, pepper, Tabasco and ketchup.
    The local papers cover national and international news on one page, but require 6 pages for local gossip and sports.
    The first day of deer season is a national holiday.
    100 degrees Fahrenheit "a little warm.
    We have four seasons: Almost Summer, Summer, still Summer and Christmas.
    Going to Wal-mart is a favorite past time known as "goin' Wal-martin" or off to "Wally World."
    A cool snap (below 70 degrees) is good pinto-bean weather.
    A carbonated soft drink isn't a soda, cola or pop . . . it's a Coke, regardless of brand or flavor. Example: "What kinda coke you want?"
    Fried catfish is the other white meat.
    We don't need no stinking driver's ed . . . if our mama says we can drive, we can drive.
    All vehicles are known as 'trucks' regardless of what you drive.
    Everybody knows on Saturdays, your goin 'yardsalin'!

    If you understand these jokes please forward them to your friends from Arkansas (and those who just wish they were).
     
    Last edited by a moderator: May 31, 2008
  2. nccountrygirl

    nccountrygirl Chillin' With My Peeps

    Jul 31, 2007
    Sanford N.C.
    [​IMG] I think we could change the title to accommodate NC to.
     
  3. d.k

    d.k red-headed stepchild

    * And still a lot of Florida, too--at least until recently, and all except for the pinto bean growing weather, I think and everything being a truck. Oh! And the holidays are lobster season, and the beginning and, definitely, the END of tourist season!
     
    Last edited: May 30, 2008
  4. Parson's Wife

    Parson's Wife Blessed Abundantly

    Jan 22, 2008
    Arkansas
    NCgirl & dk- I agree, I think that it generally fits most of the South! [​IMG]
    Course down here in the Delta, they should have added in something 'bout the mosquitos!! [​IMG]
     
  5. Parson's Wife

    Parson's Wife Blessed Abundantly

    Jan 22, 2008
    Arkansas
    Ok...decided to post this on here....so I don't take up so much space...was really cute too....got a good laugh out of it!


    *_BEST THINGS TO SAY IF YOU GET CAUGHT SLEEPING AT YOUR DESK:_*_> >
    > > _
    > > NUMBER 5: 'They told me at the Blood Bank this might happen.'
    > >
    > > NUMBER 4 : 'This is just a 15 minute power nap they raved about
    > > in the time-management cour se you sent me to.'
    > >
    > > NUMBER 3 : 'Whew!? Guess I left the top off the White-out. You
    > > probably got here just in time!'
    > >
    > > NUMBER 2: 'Did you ever notice sound coming out of these
    > > keyboards when you put your ear down real close?'
    > >
    > > *And the NUMBER ONE best thing to say if you get c aught
    > > sleeping at your desk:
    > > (Raising your head slowly) ' ... in Jesus' name, Amen* *J*
     
  6. amystours

    amystours Chillin' With My Peeps

    289
    0
    139
    Feb 23, 2008
    Alexandria, Louisiana
    Quote:AMEN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


    And about MASHING the buttons, I've heard that one before, too!!! Cracks me up, like someone is mashing potatoes or something!
     
  7. ticks

    ticks Pheasant Obsessed

    Apr 1, 2008
    The Sticks, Vermont
    here is the vermont jokes unfortunatley I apply to most if not all


    Your idea of a traffic jam is 10 cars waiting to pass a logging truck
    Vacation means going to Burlington.
    You measure distance in hours.
    You know several people who have hit moose more than once.
    You use a down comforter in the summer.
    You see people wearing hunting clothes at social events.
    You install security lights on your house and garage and leave both unlocked.
    You think of the major food groups as deer meat, beer, fish, and berries.
    You carry jumper cables in your car and your girlfriend knows how to use them.
    You think sexy lingerie is tube socks and Flannel pajamas.
    You know all 4 seasons; almost winter, winter, still winter and construction.
    It takes you 3 hours to go to the store for one item even when you're in a rush because you have to stop and talk to everyone in town.
    You actually relate to these jokes and forward them to all your Vermont friends.
    you've taken your kids trick-or-treating during a blizzard.
    you only own three spices- salt, pepper and ketchup.
    you design your Halloween costumes to fit over a snowsuit.
    the mosquitoes have landing lights.
    you have more miles on your snowblower than your car.
    you have 10 favorite recipes for venison.
    the local Hardware store on any Saturday is busier than the toy stores at Christmas.
    you live in a house that has no front steps, yet the door is one yard above the ground.
    driving is better in the winter because the potholes get filled with snow.
    making it home during Mud Season is a competitive sport.
    you think everyone from the city has an accent.
    you owe more money on your snowmobile than your car.
    the local paper covers national and international headlines on l/4 page, but requires 6 pages for sports.
    at least twice a year, the kitchen doubles as a meat processing plant.
    the most effective mosquito repellent is a shotgun.
    your snow-blower gets stuck on the roof.
    you think the start of deer hunting season is a national holiday.
    you head south to go to your cottage.
    you frequently clean grease off your barbecue so the bears won't prowl on your deck.
    you know which leaves make good toilet paper.
    the town officials greet you on the street by your first name.
    there is only one shopping plaza in town.
    the major parish fundraiser isn't bingo- its sausage making.
    you find -20F a little chilly.
    the trunk of your car doubles as a deep freezer.
    you attended a formal event in your best clothes, your finest jewelry and your snowmobile boots.
    you can play road hockey on skates.
    shoveling the driveway constitutes a great upper body workout.
    the municipality buys a Zamboni before a bus.
     
  8. chicken_boy_Kurt

    chicken_boy_Kurt Chillin' With My Peeps

    Mar 20, 2008
    They are all so funny [​IMG]. But this one:
    Quote:[​IMG] I would die if I lived in Vermont. And I only live a couple of states down. My parents must have really come from Florida, I hate the cold.
     
  9. ticks

    ticks Pheasant Obsessed

    Apr 1, 2008
    The Sticks, Vermont
    naaa that is a little to cold I would say 0* F is chilly
     
    Last edited: Jun 1, 2008
  10. chicken_boy_Kurt

    chicken_boy_Kurt Chillin' With My Peeps

    Mar 20, 2008
    Quote:[​IMG]
     

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