This is too much for me.

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Haven't read the whole thread, have you? He doesn't even live in the house, so he obviously doesn't put a roof over anyone's head but his own. Obviously you have never lived with an abusive, alcoholic man. Lucky you. Many of us have. There's no defending such actions, and really no need to hear any side of his 'story'. Because that's all it would be. A story.
 
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There is undoubtedly someone in the world who speaks ill of you. Is there another side to that story?

I really don't care what people think of me. I know in my heart I am a good person. I'm not an abusive drunk lording over my children and spouse. I've been that wife. I was that biker wife. There is no defense of alcoholism, or the meanness that accompanies it.

If you ever sit on a jury, would you like to hear both sides of the story, or just one?

This isn't a trial, it's a young woman who has asked for help and support, something I've never seen you offer. I can tell if you ever were the judge in the court where your sympathies would lie.
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Sparrow, hold your head high and pick your way through the minefield. You have to take care of yourself. Your mother is a grown woman who has to see things much clearer than she does right now.​
 
Sparrow, I will tell you something that it took me 42 years to learn and I just learned it this past week. I love my mom but I finally realized that she not only allowed my father to abuse us emotionally, but she is an enabler and a codependent person. It may look as if she is a victim and unable to help herself, or you, but the fact remains that she, through her own actions, is allowing you to suffer needlessly. You can't help her because she doesn't want to be helped. She may say she does and she may talk a lot about it and commiserate with you about your dad. She is still tolerating this behavior and you are in the line of fire. Since she will not change, it is up to you to make a change here. There is a lot of financial help for single young people out there....a lot more than in my day. Don't wait until you are my age to realize that, though your mom seems to be your friend and fellow victim, it was and is her job to protect her children from those who hurt them. If she doesn't, she loves the man more than you. Run as fast as your feet will carry you, make a place for yourself somewhere else, and don't let this dysfunctional family cripple you any longer! If you doubt what I am saying, imagine if you had a child and what lengths you would go to keep them from being hurt. Don't let your father, or you mother, hurt you any longer.
 
Sparrow...I am a "daddy's girl" and I can only say that I would be crushed to be in your shoes and have my dad disrespect me that way. The only advice I can give or things I can say are:

It is easy to become a father but it takes a special person to be a "dad". Your father is absorbed in his alcohol, drugs and freedom, He is free of responsibility and obligation unless it suits him. Married people do not live in seperate homes 30 minutes apart.

This problem is your father's not yours. Both you and your mother need to seek some family counseling because you are both in an abusive situation under the thumb of a tyrant with "little man syndrome" who appears to be a miserable old goat.

The problem is not your chickens the problem is within him.

Now, as the mother of a 24 year old...you need to begin your transition into becoming an independent young woman. You need to be able to work and take care of yourself and your animals. Mother is not going to always be there and if something were to happen to her now...what do you think would happen to you and your chickens...not to mention your home?

******Hugs******
 

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