Thoughts on stealing baby names?

[charliethezero]

Yes, they do.

 

[Espresso]

Just to offer another perspective, I come from Scottish heritage where nobody really had a unique name all to themselves. You were always named after relatives. Fifteen boys going back four generations and only five names: Alexander, Ian, William, Andrew and Robert. Same with the girls: Jessie, Bessie, Sheila, Nanny, Mary and Roberta.

So you could still use that name you love for your next daughter whether your SIL has used it or not.

Good point. And she can't whine.... You liked it first. I might do that if I didn't see her much.
Although I am possessive so I can't really say... I deliberately chose unique names and rarely mention them online so other people won't use them. Like a crazy person. Haha.
There's no wrong response from you. Sorry for your loss.

 

[Ol Grey Mare]

I am generally of the opinion that one cannot "steal" a name and/or that it is not a big deal to use a name someone else has or wishes to use - but in this specific situation I find it to be in horribly bad taste to say the least. So many hugs to you, I am so sorry for your loss.

 

[heartsizedfarm]

Yeah I agree with old grey mare on this. It would have been tactful for them to choose another name because it reminds you of your loss. They're sort of saying Ive got mine and you don't.

Also, you may be extra attached to the idea of the name because of your loss. Maybe you need a ceremony to say goodbye to the baby you carried, for however short a time, and give it that name.

 

[Alice28]

I'm very sorry for your heartbreaking loss and for your husbands un supporting and insensitive family. My husband has an evil horrible brother in law and a weak pathetic sister who supposedly use to be a kind person but is now a sick twisted person like her husband. They made my horrible birth experience about them (not going to go into details) and were so nasty. I would NEVER have my child around them. Being around people like that is showing your kid by your actions your ok with it (my husbands BIL is extremely abusive to everyone including his wife and children). This was the biggest strain on our marriage. My husband finally told his sister he's done and when she tried to blame me, he stopped her, told her he hates her husband and made it clear it wasn't my fault. We live less then twenty minutes away and my son has no idea who they are. Best choice we ever made. I won't have my son grow up to be an abuser and I won't be around that. I'm not sure what your sister in law is like in general, but if it's your husbands family they often will blame you, the outsider, unless he is willing to take a stand and support you ad the family you two have created together. My husbands family isn't super close anyways, so it's not that big of a deal for us.

 

[donrae]

I am generally of the opinion that one cannot "steal" a name and/or that it is not a big deal to use a name someone else has or wishes to use - but in this specific situation I find it to be in horribly bad taste to say the least. So many hugs to you, I am so sorry for your loss.

Yeah I agree with old grey mare on this. It would have been tactful for them to choose another name because it reminds you of your loss. They're sort of saying Ive got mine and you don't.

Also, you may be extra attached to the idea of the name because of your loss. Maybe you need a ceremony to say goodbye to the baby you carried, for however short a time, and give it that name.

I'm in this camp, also. I don't see why two related kids can't have the same name. Unless you made it up and trademarked it, someone else is going to have it, sorry.

Yeah, it's a douchy move on their part. But you can't change them. Douches are douches. If your honey's supportive of you, you'll have very limited contact with this family. Personally, I see my husband's family on major holidays and that's it, and they really weren't that bad.

On a lighter side, we decided to name our second son after my mother's recently departed father, but didn't want to tell anyone ahead of time, in case anything happened to baby. So, we told everyone we were calling him William Robert (our last name is Bell). Yep, in Redneck translation that would be Billy Bob Bell

. Poor kid's 12 and to this day one of his cousins calls him Billy Bob

 

[JW12]

I'm very sorry for your heartbreaking loss and for your husbands un supporting and insensitive family. My husband has an evil horrible brother in law and a weak pathetic sister who supposedly use to be a kind person but is now a sick twisted person like her husband. They made my horrible birth experience about them (not going to go into details) and were so nasty. I would NEVER have my child around them. Being around people like that is showing your kid by your actions your ok with it (my husbands BIL is extremely abusive to everyone including his wife and children). This was the biggest strain on our marriage. My husband finally told his sister he's done and when she tried to blame me, he stopped her, told her he hates her husband and made it clear it wasn't my fault. We live less then twenty minutes away and my son has no idea who they are. Best choice we ever made. I won't have my son grow up to be an abuser and I won't be around that. I'm not sure what your sister in law is like in general, but if it's your husbands family they often will blame you, the outsider, unless he is willing to take a stand and support you ad the family you two have created together. My husbands family isn't super close anyways, so it's not that big of a deal for us.

X's 2
I have a sister and BIL I haven't spoken to or seen in over 3 years because of how they are. My sister totally changed when she met this guy and my DW and kids were finally jut done! IMHO you can love a family member from a distance. The situation is totally different from yours but a mean vindictive person just isn't worth being around. If a situation comes up to where you all have to be around each other just take the high road, the rest of the time just live your life as best you can and forget about people that don't contribute positively to your family's life. I am very sorry for your loss and for those people adding insult to injury.

 

[55funfarm]

Sorry for your loss

 

[HugHess]

My condolences for you and you immediate family's loss. I give you much credit for keeping your head on your shoulders, because I think mine would have popped right of with rage.
Unfortunately, it just seems like some people weren't 'raised' right! Or, have some deep rooted psychological anomaly that allows them to never think of anything that doesn't have to do with themselves. Maybe using your chosen name as your future daughter's middle name, in loving memory...(as your baby had the name FIRST, when in utero), can help allow you to keep heeling and continue to take the higher road?
I give you even more credit, because every time I looked into that evil women's daughter's face, I would turn around and punch her mother in the mouth, thus would have to be bailed out of jail for assault.
If the rest of your husband's family seems to be 'ok' with her absurd actions, I would be more worried about 'raising' my children any wear NEAR them. I hope to God she doesn't live right down the street!
If you have already started a memorial for your little girl, make it 'loud' (enough) and proud so no one else can continue to try to sweep your feelings under the rug...
Personally, I would find the ugliest bee-eye-tch of a dog and name it after the Slither, I mean sister-in-law.
I hope things work out as they should, so you can concentrate on keeping your daughter in your heart and continue raising your family with a kind and open love.
I now have to go hug my Mum and thank her for instilling in me empathy for those who have walked in my shoes and sympathy for others that have NOT.
Thanks for sharing as it has deepened my respect in loving others as I would hope to be loved....

 

[Michael OShay]

So my husband and I have had a girl's name picked out for years and the entire family knew of it. My sister-in-law and I both got pregnant, I lost mine. They had been having trouble picking a name. Now it's a week to the due date and they announced they are going to use the name I picked no matter what. What are your thoughts?

I'm so sorry about the loss of your child. You're sister-in-law sounds like my sister-in-law (whom we haven't been around in years); totally inconsiderate and self-centered. I wouldn't lose any sleep over her actions. If you have a daughter, and you like the name and want to give it to your daughter, go ahead and do it. Don't let your jerk of a sister-in-law control your happiness.