I know that this is hard to read, and I know that it is hard to fathom why some people do certain things in certain ways. I am not upset by the ones on here begging for me to spare his life, I understand, because I want to so badly. This morning went I went out to give them their goodmorning and look them all over to make sure everyone was in good health and spirits not only was Enchilada having a hard time walking but when I turned him over to check his belly and feet I noticed that he is wheezing and breathing so heavy. Of course I broke down like a baby. As for why I decided to raise a bird was because I am moving to two acres of land to live off grid and I thought that I might want to raise meat birds and eggers to help sustain me. I have never taken a life on purpose, I have never really done anything that wasn’t modern consumerism. I don’t want to spend a bunch of money on animals that I don’t know for sure I will be able to keep healthy and cull for food or if something bad happens. I am envious of anyone who, just knows, they can do it; I don’t. So from the emotional safety of my urban environment (for whatthat it is worth) I decided to try it. If I could, then great I can go forward with my plan, if I can’t then I need a different plan. As for getting attached..well, I am and that sucks, but I get attached to everything. Another point to make about Enchilada and his life is this; when my dad had cancer we learned about something called quality of life. We had to watch my dad battle to be alive with chemo until the doctors decided to tell us that we were at a point when duration of life was now passing the quality of life. I had to sit next to my dad and administer medication that would ease his pain until his disease killed him. I am telling you that was a life lesson that was hard to learn. Now I know this is just a chicken and not my dad, but watching Enchilada not have a quality life just because I can’t do what needs to be done for him doesn’t sit well in my heart. So tomorrow....I will, as gently as I can, process him. Or at least that is the plan. Again, I thank everyone on here for their support, their kindness, and for being here with me as I go through this. It means more than I can say.