Poor dear.
What are your hobbies and interests?
When I was first married and a new mommy I found many of the former "friends" I associated with were not the kind of people I wanted to be around. That, or they were just not good friends. For a long time I thought it was fine, and I could just dedicate myself to my family. After a time I found I was lonely and sad and that my family was suffering for it. I was depressed and not myself.
I decided to take the bull by the horns. First, I joined the YMCA. It was a good thing just to get me out of the house & in a public place with people. I had been on maternity leave for a while and had forgotten how to be around people over 1. Also, I felt better after a workout and more confident, slept better, and had a much more positive attitude.
I also began going to things - by myself - mandolin lessons and group jams for beginners, a knitting group, yoga classes, I started to meet more people and feel much better about myself. I found if I went to events with my husband or my sister I would just talk to them (I am chronically anti-social, but I practice being out with folks and friendly, and it is easier all the time) and not meet new people, but if I went alone I would have to talk to strangers.
After a year of this I began to have some good friends in the bluegrass community that I saw at festivals and concerts, a few gals from the knitting group I would meet for coffee or at a yarn shop, etc. Now, after 6 years of forcing myself to say "Yes" to things I would normally say "No" to, doing things that scared me half to death (playing music with people, then IN FRONT of people in an audience setting. Yikes!) I feel a million times better about myself, have a big group of wonderful friends from all walks of life who share my interests, and a new confidence in who I am as a person. I am also a better mom and friend because I am happier.
Now, it is hard to be the new person in a group, but the more I do things that make me uncomfortable & survive, the more I can do new things without being uncomfortable.
I am sure you are a kind, wonderful person with a lot to offer. Put yourself out there and take a few chances. I am sure you will meet many wonderful (and some not so wonderful) people and, if you meet them doing things you enjoy there is at least one thing to talk about right away.
No friend will ever replace your Mawmaw, but she would want you to find friends to enrich your life. Your marriage will improve (even if it is already great) when you are happier.
Good luck. I am sure you will do fine. You already took a leap and put yourself out there here on the site, that proves you are a brave, strong person. You had a wonderful relationship with your Mawmaw, and that proves you are a loyal friend who is capable of great love. Show yourself some of that love by allowing yourself the space to meet some people. Take an adult education class at the local community school, or join a photgraphy club, or whatever YOU love to do. You will inevitably find people who share your interests and appreciate you for your heart.
I miss my Mawmaw soo very bad and the worst partis that I have no "real" friend to talk about my feelings with
