Update on me ;) :(

[bheila]

I feel for you...I know what it's like to deal with a family member with Dementia. I took care of my Grandmother who had it until she took her last breath. It was hell! She was also an ungrateful ole coot. But she only became that way once she had Dementia. I just had to constantly remind myself that it wasn't really her being grouchy, it was her illness. Although there were times we did have our screaming matches.

As far as 500 chickens goes, OMG! I do wish you lived closer. I would come help you with your chores if I could. I actually like doing my animal chores. Even if it is scooping poop. For me it's just peaceful being with the birds. At 500 birds I can only imagine that maybe it's become so much of a chore that maybe at times it's not so much fun anymore, especially when they are someone else's. Here's to you

try to put your feet up, relax and don't forget to breathe.

 

[Starwalker Fallen Angel]

Thank you.

There's a new update with dad.

he has decided it's a good idea to ramsack all of moms stuff. He's carried her jewelry, coins and everything valuable to HIS room. Lord, we never get visitors so idk what he's thinking. So far I can not locate two rings. EXPENSIVE rings and some of her other gold jewelry. Then I find a CASH FOR GOLD ad on his kitchen table.

He is NOT hurting for money in any sense of the word. He wants to know WHEN we are having an AUCTION.

He wants to have a YARD SALE and get rid of her extensive Madame Alexander doll collection.

I'm sick about it. Mom gave the one ring to Lissie and the other to me. The one she gave me came from my brother who passed away 2 years ago. It had 55 diamonds because he was born in 1955. It's actually a butt ugly ring. lol The other one mom just liked it and she wanted my DD to have it. It's a wedding set and she figured Lissie just might need it someday.

I rented a safety box at the bank and I'm taking moms stuff there today.

Mom gave me in depth instructions on what items go to whom she chose to give them to. And I am going to honor her last wishes!

 

[cristy17]

Sorry to hear about you mother. My grandmother has pancreatic cancer as well and is in the final stages. Docs told her she may make it til christmas. About the rest, not much I say is going to make you feel better, but I hope the venting helped. I always do after a good vent.

 

[wegotchickens]

Wow.

Will send good vibes your way. Sounds like you are taking a very reasonable and fair approach to all of this.

 

[smom1976]

I havent read the posts... I am so sorry to hear what is happening.. The only think I can say is maybe you could initiate some personal boundries... like lay the law down.. at least where your sons concerned he can go and rent a storage place! If they are his birds. He needs to rehome them! And as for your dad you should be able to get some help. Even if it is once or twice a week. There is a serious condition of caretaker burnout...

My dear you are taking so much upon yourself that shouldnt be there... I am so sorry you are having to deal with all this.. the added stress of your mother passing so quickly just adds to the idea of lightening your load right now..

I will be praying for you and your family.

 

[HennysMom]

I'm so sorry about the loss of your mom and to hear about your father - its very hard to deal with both grief and illness at the same time while trying to deal with our own lives as well.

Just know that we understand your frustration and that your dad appreciates all that you are doing - even if he doesnt or cannot express it the way he wants to or the way you expect him to.

Hang in there and know that you will look back on this, hard as it may be - one day with joy in your heart and a smile on your face, telling your children "Remember that one time when your Grandfather did ____________....and we went nuts?"

Trust me - those days will happen and you will be happy for them.

to you.

 

[debilorrah]

Wo, you have a lot going on, it's no wonder you feel ready to snap! I just came out the other end of a realy tough period, so I can tell you, it DOES get better. Life goes in cycles, and this is a rough one for you right now. I will keep you in my prayers!

 

[Starwalker Fallen Angel]

Thank you all.

I needed to vent. I just wanted to explain also. I don't care how much anything is worth mom had. Material items mean nothing to me as far as monetary value. I could send the coins, gold and antiques to Christy's or one of the big auction houses. We could probably retire with the money. Material items are all you have left when loved one's pass. Momma knew I would never sell one single item.

So, what she did is get things ready when she got the bad news that there was not much they could do for her. She separated the sterling silverware she had collected from before I was born into 3 parts. One part for each of my kids. She did this by their interests. Flower patterns and Art Nouvue for Lissie and the more "guy" looking pieces for the boys.

The high priced jewelry she did the same way and the trinket items she more or less left that up to me when I pass. The coins she didn't do this way. She squarely told me SELL them if things tank in this economy.

They are emergency income I guess.

I will divvy them up in thirds tho.

Mom collected all this stuff over her 72 years and hauled it to many states along the way! There's also quite a few items from my grandmother.

DAD wants to sell all this stuff. Our heritage if you want to put it that way.

In his state of mind the only items that have a sentimentary meaning is stuff from HIS side of the family and ONLY his side.

And of course the WAR items. Which to me they all have equal value.

I never dreamed dad would feel this way about moms stuff.

My most treasured item is her plastic mug she would not do without.

I also put in a change of address so all his mail comes here. The utility bill receipts come and it's literally close to 12 times a day (or more) he brings them to me." Are they going to shut my power off?" "Is the mortgage paid?" It's ALL paid by bank draft." YES, dad everything is fine." I have even posted the paid bills on the wall with a note. "Dad, these are automatically paid from the bank. Please do not worry about them." "Set these aside as paid." I even circled the key areas.

The mortgage is in mine and Ricks name. Mom signed everything over about 3 years ago. She said your dad and I are getting old. If we get sick or die I want to make sure everything we worked for is safe. What dad doesn't know is we took over the mortgage at that time.

He hasn't paid it for 3 years.

Thank you everyone. It's helped a lot just having somebody to talk too.

I have one friend here but he's busy right now moving and I haven't gotten out much since mom got sick. Friends drift away with the hustle and bustle of their own lives.

Most of mine live at both ends of Tennessee too.

I just thank god mom had one thing stuck in her mind and literally forced me to do. I didn't want to accept that she would die. I was in denial. She made me a Power of Attny over both of them!