Citygirl, your last post indicates that you have arrived at the right place. Go and have a great time. For those who choose not to go-that's their loss. Deposits should not be refunded unless you pick up enough other guests to make it financially feasible. Have a great vacation!
I think you have definitely moved into the right place - good for you. It is hard to get over those hurt feelings sometimes. They may seem childish, but the feelings are still real. A friend on mine always plans a camping trip each year and the same thing happens - people say they'll come, but then back out. We've had to back out a couple of times, but I realize that we made the commitment and it's not fair to leave her hanging, so I pay whatever our share was (not just the deposit). I hope the "maybes" pull through and your costs are covered, but definitely do not return the others' deposits - they made the commitment; too bad they don't know how to use a calendar!
Have a fantastic time!
Liz
I agree that it sounds like you are handling It very well. I want to say too, Happy 40th! I will be 40 this summer and would love the idea of a vacation like that. Heck I would even settle for a camping trip, but by the end of Sept it is cooling off and we are about tired of camping! Go and enjoy your trip, this is the kind of thing that separates your true friends from the not so true ones! By all means DO NOT give them any $ back!
The chickenchick- the joy of the 40th birthday party is that you can hold it whenever the heck you like!! I actually turned 40 back in November, but it was entirely too cold to go to the beach then. We just postponed the party until May when we could all go play. I think you should go camping or whatever you want whenever it works for you.
I'm still frustrated and a little bummed that people are bailing on me. The one girl who hasn't paid anything yet I know is planning another trip later in the summer with her husband. That's great and all, but she was the one helping me choose which place we went to! No bailing now just so she can go play with her husband. Screw that!
Cluckcluck- I really don't want the husbands to come. I am not married, so I would definitely end up the odd man out as they all had romatic beach vacations. Phhhtttt on that. Plus, somebody has to stay home and watch all the children. If we bring the children, then my friends won't get a vacation. They will be chasing children all week. The point was to have a relaxing, do nothing kind of trip so everyone could recharge a little.
Eh... I'm going to the beach. If it's just me in that big ol' house maybe I'll start inviting BYCers and we'll hold our own conference!
I might catch some crap for saying this: Sometimes, other people can't be expected to help us pull off our fantasy. Your party has shades of *destination wedding* with the expectation that everyone would surely want this as much as you do. Please try to have a little empathy for your friends who have had to pass on *your* event. They might have relationship issues, work issues or more pressing expenses to meet. I would not break up with a long time friend over this. (But I would not refund deposits, either
). If you really, really got in over your head financially to do this, consider it an expensive lesson.
You need to be VERY firm and tell them what you just told us... that they said they were going! And..you CANT afford to be screwed over....etc...
Man, i really hate people like that..sorry, i do.
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what you said was totally pointless and kinda mean too..
They SAID they wanted to go...hello?? She asked everyone to confirm if they were going or not... these idiots said that they were def going...
Why should she have empathy for them?? Shes now stuck paying for THEIR agreed upon portion of the trip....
Give me a break..only a jerk would do that to someone!
Now..i can understand if something else very important came up and that caused them to have to cancel...BUT.... At the VERY least..if they really cant go..then they should be "friend" enough to still pay their portion or the trip they AGREED to pay!! WHY should she get stuck paying for their part of the trip?? They WANTED to go... they agreed to PAY for a portion of the house she was renting... now shes stuck paying... UGH...
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I HAVE NOT planned a "destination wedding" type event. I tossed out over a year ago (almost 2 years ago now) that I wanted to take a trip with all my friends. I had the next big birthday coming up so it was logical to tie it to my birthday. Initially I talked about going to Hawaii. I have never been and would really like to go. Then the economy tanked and that became illogical. We then, AS A GROUP, talked about moving it to a beach. We are going to outside of Panama City. It's not like we are going to Seaside or Watercolors or one of the really freakin' places on the Gulf Coast.
I purposely made sure that three of us chose the place. I did all the research and then emailed links on to my two helpers (one is my sister and one is the girl who hasn't paid). I chose those two helpers as they had the lowest income base of the group. I wanted to make sure that they could afford whatever we chose. Both of them actually encouraged me to chose the house I did. There was another place closer in to PCB that was less expensive, but a little divier. They both said get this place. So I sent out the email to reconfirm ALL of the people who had committed, got checks started my way and then put the deposit down once I had money in to cover the deposit. At no time have I said to any of them, "YOU MUST COME TO MY PARTY". They are all grown women and are free to do as they like. I didn't ask for a commitment until almost the end of January. That was the last possible drop dead date there was to get the place. That is only 4 months before the trip. Not too far in advance to plan your life, especially since we had been talking about it for almost two years.
I have not browbeat or guilted anyone into coming. I offered an opportunity and 6 people took that opportunity. All 6 committed to coming.
I chose a very reasonable place based on those 6 commitments. Any extra people will be sleeping on pull out beds and whatnot. Everyone knows this.
I have given people every opportunity to pull back out. I was VERY specific about it being a commitment when I sent out the January email. Five of the six people have given me some amount of money.
The one lady that has backed out currently is agreeing to pay what she promised. I want to give her some/all back because I know money is tight in her world. I am frustrated with her because she did not check the school calendar that has been posted for almost a year now.
The one lady that hasn't paid has spent her money on other things. I know it has not been for life important stuff because she has told me of some of her escapades. She has also told me that she has planned a trip to an amusement park later in June with another friend and she is going on vacation with her mom later in the summer. I am unhappy with her because she told me to get this place, committed to coming and paying for it and then planned all this other stuff with other people after the fact. I feel like she has ditched me for other trips and that makes me feel sort of second class. I thought our relationship was closer than that. We shall see if I was wrong. This sort of thing would not make me break up with a long term friend, but it might make me revisit how good a friend she is if she is willing to leave me in the lurch so she can go play somewhere else.
The last lady thinking of pulling out is actually my sister's friend. She was very gung-ho about the whole deal and gave her deposit before I even asked. I would not have counted her as a factor except that she was so prompt AND my sister said she was confirmed. So now my sister is screwed over also.
The trip is going to be fine. I just needed to vent a little the other night. I HATE being in charge of such things and likely will never do it again. Someone always flakes on you.
