venting (miscarriage mentioned)

[cassidy22]

I guess I just need a place to vent.

I'm nervous because I am going in for a D&C tomorrow. After doing some research online and reading other women's stories of miscarriage, I decided that's the way to go for me. The weird part is that in reading all these stories of other women's experiences, most of them have been DEVASTATED. Many even mourning on the day their baby should have been born. Now I recognize every pregnancy, loss and person in this world are different and unique. Some women have gone through the pain of hearing a heartbeat and seeing a baby move inside them, just to lose it. That wasn't my case.

I even jokingly told my doc that I had seen enough unhatched chicken eggs to know what I was looking at, a yolk sac and a small bundle of cells that never turned into anything.

What I am struggling with is how upset I am NOT about the whole thing. I am more nervous for the procedure, because I will be put under general anesthesia, and I have a beautiful little 2.5 year old daughter at home, and I worry more about anything going wrong while I am out that would jeopardize my ability to be a mother to my little girl.

Is it wrong to not feel like this is a loss? I am more angry about having had 6 weeks of first trimester nausea and other uncomfortable symptoms that come with early pregnancy - just for nothing. I don't feel like I lost a baby, I feel like a chemistry experiment that has failed, and I just need to clean out the beakers and start over. I'm nervous about the D&C because I don't like being put under, and I don't handle pain very well, but I handle surprises even worse. But I don't see me spending time mourning something that never was anything, anyhow. Heck, I couldn't function for a couple of weeks when I found out I was going to have to put my dog down because of cancer, I'm not a heartless person, I can cry with the best of them, but I haven't seen or heard of any woman, including my own friends, that haven't been devastated by a miscarriage.

Thanks for listening.

 

[australorpchick]

To each his own. Everyone's mind & heart reacts differently than others do. If this is the way you're coping with it, so be it.

 

[Orchid]

Don't be ashamed of your own feelings.

On the D & C - I had one after a miscarriage. There was no pain involved at all. The worst part was the bleeding afterwards, and that's wasn't horrid either.

They don't put you under really deep for a D & C, so you shouldn't have too much of an anesthesia hangover.

Take care.

 

[bustermommy]

You're dealing with it how you need to. A warning though, grief may hit later.

But, if it doesn't, that's ok too.

 

[sfw2]

Quote:
This.

 

[TinyChickenLady]

It sounds to me like you are a practical person. You understand the science of things before you become emotional about it.
I am the same way.
There is nothing wrong with being realistic and not grieving yet.
But like bustermommy said, it could hit you later, so be prepared and always know that there is ALWAYS someone nearby for you to turn to.

 

[Godsgrl]

Grief hits everyone differently, and I've always said not to judge people for how they grieve. (Casey Anthony is the exception to that rule.

) Anyway, I pray your procedure goes well, and be gentle with yourself, and seek help if you need it. Sorry for your loss.

 

[chicmom]

Hello! I think the way you're feeling is perfectly fine! You've got a very healthy attitude. Procedures always make me nervous too.

 

[Jamie_Dog_Trainer]

I just dealt with a very similar situation two months ago. My DH and I have been trying to get pregnant again for a long time. Long story short I was thrilled to get a positive test, but things weren't "normal" for me pretty much right away. I knew the pregnancy wasn't going well since my hormone levels weren't in the normal ranges. Then I started bleeding off and on, and was having twice weekly ultrasounds trying to figure out where I was in the pregnancy and to see where the bleeding was coming from.

I have experienced the feeling of loss, thats a definate with me. But I can also tune in to what you're saying about how you are feeling about the irritation of dealing with a pregnancy and symptoms without anything to show for it. Or at least I think that's partially what you were saying. I became really angry about this miscarriage because I was taking so many perscriptions, even getting VERY painful daily progesterone injections just to have the baby die anyway. It felt like such a waste of time, money and emotional and physical energy!! With everything we went through I had to ask: Why the **LL did we do all that?

I certainly don't think you are abnormal. We all deal with things in our own time, sometimes it is best to compartmenalize facts and look at the pregnancy with the bare facts. In my own trail with miscarriage one thing that really helped me deal is knowing that, despite modern science, my baby wasn't normal or healthy, so it was natural and -- I hate to say this -- was right that it didn't survive. I would rather have gone through the the miscarriage than to have gone through a whole pregnancy just to find out the baby wasn't going to live. I had a cousin and his wife go through that situation just to have their baby die 23 minutes after he was born.

So, I guess what I am trying to say is you are not alone. Even thought you might feel like you are. And you might feel that your reaction isn't normal, but I know that I had some of those same thoughts and they made me feel guility too. You will deal with this the way you have to for now and *maybe* some sense of sad loss will hit you later. But even if it doesn't -- that is perfectly fine.

ETA: my miscarriage was two months ago, or about and I didn't have a D&C. I wanted to do this the natural way and I did. However I have an appt with my GYN this afternoon because my cycle has not been normal yet. I have a feeling the miscarriage didn't complete-

if you know what I am saying. So after all the stuff I went through I don't think I have avoided the D&C -- so to address your concerns I wish I had just had one done and I would know right that I wouldn't be dealing with the issues I have for the past three weeks.

 

[cafarmgirl]

Quote:
I agree and I also tend to be the same way. I also don't spend a lot of time on "what if's" and "if only's". It takes a lot for me to get emotionally invested and with both of my pregnancies it did not occur until later in the pregancy. A later term miscarriage may have affected you differently then this very early one.

And I'm sure you'll do fine with the D+C but I do understand. I hate any kind of procedure or surgery too!