I guess I just need a place to vent. I'm nervous because I am going in for a D&C tomorrow. After doing some research online and reading other women's stories of miscarriage, I decided that's the way to go for me. The weird part is that in reading all these stories of other women's experiences, most of them have been DEVASTATED. Many even mourning on the day their baby should have been born. Now I recognize every pregnancy, loss and person in this world are different and unique. Some women have gone through the pain of hearing a heartbeat and seeing a baby move inside them, just to lose it. That wasn't my case. I even jokingly told my doc that I had seen enough unhatched chicken eggs to know what I was looking at, a yolk sac and a small bundle of cells that never turned into anything. What I am struggling with is how upset I am NOT about the whole thing. I am more nervous for the procedure, because I will be put under general anesthesia, and I have a beautiful little 2.5 year old daughter at home, and I worry more about anything going wrong while I am out that would jeopardize my ability to be a mother to my little girl. Is it wrong to not feel like this is a loss? I am more angry about having had 6 weeks of first trimester nausea and other uncomfortable symptoms that come with early pregnancy - just for nothing. I don't feel like I lost a baby, I feel like a chemistry experiment that has failed, and I just need to clean out the beakers and start over. I'm nervous about the D&C because I don't like being put under, and I don't handle pain very well, but I handle surprises even worse. But I don't see me spending time mourning something that never was anything, anyhow. Heck, I couldn't function for a couple of weeks when I found out I was going to have to put my dog down because of cancer, I'm not a heartless person, I can cry with the best of them, but I haven't seen or heard of any woman, including my own friends, that haven't been devastated by a miscarriage. Thanks for listening.