Victim, Villain, or Jerk?

[Booodog]

Trying to figure out how to interpret some behavior. Wondering if anyone has any insight.

I have a duck who is constantly the target of aggressive behavior from the most dominant ducks in the group.

This seems like it would most likely be a power struggle. Thing is, if it is, he lost a long time ago, and will never win.

Now, medium-status ducks and lower give him no problems. Here are my questions:

• Is this just a contest of wills, where he can tap out anytime?

• What are the behaviors that tell the dominant ducks that it's not over?

• Is he a marked man for life, or a passive-aggressive maniac, subtly pushing their buttons all day?

Any thoughts?

 

[Thunderduck9]

I have one duck like that all the other ducks chase him away,he just stays by himself all day its sad he is a nice duck but doesn’t know how to interact with the other ducks so he just hangs out with the chickens.

 

[Booodog]

I have one duck like that all the other ducks chase him away,he just stays by himself all day its sad he is a nice duck but doesn’t know how to interact with the other ducks so he just hangs out with the chickens.

This guy is not giving any ground, though. He's lucky to have one loyal buddy. Sounds rough for your guy.

 

[Willowspirit]

I once worked with a kid in elementary school who was frequently bullied. Just working with him i realized he was in a circle of pain. Other kids felt justified in being mean to him because he was obnoxious! He felt justified in being obnoxious because they bullied him. Even the teachers didn't like him because he was so disruptive. He was not a bad kid, he would probably be more socially competent if he were. I was his fourth counselor in four years and in spite of trying to teach him social skills and reflection i was pretty much ineffective. Which saddened me and which is probably why i still remember him.

So my point is that there are some beings that just miss the developmental point where they are still behaviorally flexible enough to "get it" and fit in enough.

My positive example is my pullet Delores. She is absolutely on the bottom and always has been. She's a runt i think because she didn't get as much food. She got picked on for a little while but has adjusted her behavior to avoid conflict. Over the last 2-3 weeks she has slowly become a center of the flock. She gets full and then snuggles in a sand bath hole to enjoy the sun. Eventually the others snuggle with her. On the roost she's in the middle.

unfortunately maybe you'll just have to be your duck's friend. But don't be too sad. He does have you!

 

[Booodog]

I once worked with a kid in elementary school who was frequently bullied. Just working with him i realized he was in a circle of pain. Other kids felt justified in being mean to him because he was obnoxious! He felt justified in being obnoxious because they bullied him. Even the teachers didn't like him because he was so disruptive. He was not a bad kid, he would probably be more socially competent if he were. I was his fourth counselor in four years and in spite of trying to teach him social skills and reflection i was pretty much ineffective. Which saddened me and which is probably why i still remember him.

So my point is that there are some beings that just miss the developmental point where they are still behaviorally flexible enough to "get it" and fit in enough.

My positive example is my pullet Delores. She is absolutely on the bottom and always has been. She's a runt i think because she didn't get as much food. She got picked on for a little while but has adjusted her behavior to avoid conflict. Over the last 2-3 weeks she has slowly become a center of the flock. She gets full and then snuggles in a sand bath hole to enjoy the sun. Eventually the others snuggle with her. On the roost she's in the middle.

unfortunately maybe you'll just have to be your duck's friend. But don't be too sad. He does have you!

I teach 5th grade. I think I just sent this kid to middle school.

 

[Willowspirit]

I teach 5th grade. I think I just sent this kid to middle school.

Well. I didn’t tell the brief middle school story I have about him. I was walking by the field at the school the next year. There was a PE class running the field at the time and I could hear a kid yelling insults at the girl ahead of him and sure enough. That’s who it was. Sure enough he had passed to the girl-liking stage!

 

[Duckworth]

I teach 5th grade. I think I just sent this kid to middle school.

I’m the mom of that kid. He was severely traumatized early in life and his anxiety looks like obnoxious or aggressive behavior. Trauma-informed therapeutic parenting, therapy, and special ed with a trauma-competent teacher changed his life and he is now in high school, well-liked, very social, and a natural leader.

As for ducks, how many ducks do you have and how many are drakes? You may have a situation where there isn’t room for this young male in the existing hierarchy. I don’t have any drakes, so I don’t know from firsthand experience, but others have shared experience on this issue. I hope some of them will chime in.

 

[Willowspirit]

I’m the mom of that kid. He was severely traumatized early in life and his anxiety looks like obnoxious or aggressive behavior. Trauma-informed therapeutic parenting, therapy, and special ed with a trauma-competent teacher changed his life and he is now in high school, well-liked, very social, and a natural leader.

As for ducks, how many ducks do you have and how many are drakes? You may have a situation where there isn’t room for this young male in the existing hierarchy. I don’t have any drakes, so I don’t know from firsthand experience, but others have shared experience on this issue. I hope some of them will chime in.

In our defense school based therapy was all his father would accept and so it was what he got. I am certain that his behavior stemmed from trauma during the time we learn to become social. I interacted mostly with his legal stepmom and I think there was a deep family secret not communicated to any of us. I think that was why dad did not allow extensive history taking, parent involvement, and accepted no outside referrals of any kind. At that time in our district he did not qualify for special ed. I agree with you wholeheartedly about what might have been possible but your vantage point is from that of an involved parent. You would be shocked and surprised by how few parents like you I met in my five years at that job.

 

[Willowspirit]

No. I realize I need to say this. Your kid was not the same as my kid because my kid was 12 in 1995. He did not receive the triumvirate of services you named at my school district because we seriously lacked funds and personnel to deliver them. At that time many many people questioned why schools should provide the services we did. This child wasn’t eligible in any way for spec Ed. Also my position was rare and funded by Title I funds or not at all. I was only paid for 20 hours a week for an hourly rate that would be embarrassing to note here.

You and your child are very lucky to have received services well above the level of any kid at my District then or even now.

 

[Booodog]

I'm so glad things have worked out well for your son. I want to learn more about the approaches you described.

Obviously, we all do what we can, when we can, with what we have and who we are.

My six ducks are all drakes. No females on site. This bachelor flock approach is more complicated than my research had led me to believe, but so far, the challenges are manageable.

The drake in question came in at the same time as most of the others ( and all the ducks he is in conflict with). I'm finding that the hierarchy is nowhere near as stable as I had expected. Different ducks (including this one) have made bids for dominance at different times as they've grown up together over the last year.