What do feel is an appropriate amount of time......

[SarahBeth9394]

So y'all know I am not a big sharer of personal stuff. But I have got to ask this because it's something that is peeving me. So 5 years ago we moved 1500 miles away from the family because financially we were going to drown if we didn't. We absolutely love my hubby's family. It has been in fact quite hard being away from them but you do what you gotta do.

So when it comes to family members and medical emergencies I have to ask what you think is an appropriate amount of time to wait when either mom or dad are taken to the hospital by ambulance before we are called and informed of a problem.

Today we were called at 5pm and told that dad was taken by ambulance yesterday early morning with symptoms of a possible stroke. Last month mom went by ambulance for shortness of breath and the emt's equipement wasn't working well so they had to take her worried about heart attack and we didn't know till a few days later. My poor sil has had alot of issues in the last couple years. She's only 42. But we don't find out for days and three visits to the ER and that is if I call her and get worried because I can't get ahold of her. Now the halloween before last my hubby had to have gall bladder surgery. He was in alot of pain and he went to the dr and when they told him he needed surgery I called his mom right away and let them know what was happening and when it would take place. So back to dad. While I don't expect a call right away I think that if dad went to the hospital by ambulance in the early am my hubby should be called before the night is over if dad is still in the hospital. Oh and I should mention that a few months ago I called my sil to chat and she tried to cut the call short because they had just got back from the funeral. I said "what funeral" thinking some friend of hers had passed away. Nope it was a beloved uncle who had passed and it took over a week for them to have the funeral for him so it wasn't like someone couldn't have called.

Now I feel like a complete jerk because my daughter had her wisdom teeth taken out surgically and I had a cold and allergies that turned to asthma and and allergy shot that kicked me straight into hell at the same time and I didn't call them when this went down. But I had told them that she was going to have the procedure done during Christmas break because we couldn't let it ruin her band commitments and college auditions. Yet there's a difference between a scheduled procedure and the ambulance coming for a stroke.

So what would have been a reasonable time to call and tell my hubby his father was in the hospital due to a possible stroke. Because I am ticked that nobody thought to call him. He is the man (and I do emphasize MAN) who broke down and totally blubbered to me last New Years that he terribly missed his mom and dad and convinced me to trek across country this summer to see them no matter the expense for the sake of his sanity. Oh and he planned another visit just himself "for business purposes" this January while we were out there.

 

[Mattemma]

For health issues that can lead to death I would hope to be called immediately.General health stuff I might expect an email or call letting me know what is going on before or after the issue.

I would just let family know again to call you asap when there are serious health issues going on.Speedy healings for the loved ones!
They probably did not want to worry you and/or waited to see what the outcome was.Still,if you want to know right away just remind them to call once your loved one is in medical hands.

 

[sfw2]

I'd be furious, too.

My parents live in the UK, near my eldest brother. A few years ago, my dad had a health emergency that required hospitalization. My mother didn't call to let me know until several days later, because they "didn't want to worry me". I (nicely) ready her the riot act, explaining that, because they waited to tell me, I was now going to be worried ALL THE TIME, thinking that there might be something going on that I wasn't being told about. Yes, I turned the maternal guilt trip around on my mother. I'm not proud of it, but it worked. Now I get a call the same day (either from them or one of my brothers) for medical emergencies, and we catch up on the non-emergency stuff during our regularly scheduled calls, every Sunday. For things like elective surgery, (your daughter's wisdom teeth, my mother's toenail surgery

), we let each other know ahead of time that it's happening, and follow up with a quick phone call or an email to let each other know that everything went ok.

Perhaps your husband can call a family meeting while he's there in January, and they can designate somebody to contact him in the event of a parental emergency, with a backup to call if the designee is the one who is ill. It sounds like a case of "out of sight, out of mind", to me.

Hope you can make them understand how much you need to be kept up-to-date on family happenings.

 

[HeatherLynn]

I have the same issues. The way it seems is like. hey they moved so they don't care what goes on around here anyway. We had a nephew in the ICU, grandmother with cancer, aunt with brain tumor and surgery. We never found out about them till we went to visit. We live 23 hours away so visits are not easy or cheap to do. You can say something but generally it does little good. I would just call often, its the only way we hear about anything anymore or keep an eye on their facebook pages. Facebook is how we learned the nephew was in the ICU.

 

[sunnychooks]

You should be called immediately. You need to have a serious discussion with your family and your husband needs to speak to his. Let them know that you want to be contacted ASAP if something should happen to anyone in the family.
When my Dad was sent to the hospital my brother in Colorado was contacted before he was out of the operating room (we are in NJ). NOT to contact him would have been unthinkable.
Let your desires be known to the people who are most likely to contact you and state your desires in no uncertain terms.

 

[sourland]

I would hope to be called immediately.

 

[SarahBeth9394]

You know I'm ok with them not calling immediately since it's pretty hectic having someone taken by ambulance. But really I felt like we should have received a call after a few hours or even as late as early evening (since he went early morning). But to not call for a day and a half is inexcusable. So when this particular incident is over and dad's back home there will be a serious conversation with the family.

 

[Sonoran Silkies]

Once the person who is ill is in the hands and care of medical professionals, there is usually a LOT of "free" time waiting for various tests, doctors, a room to be moved to, etc. Grown children can and SHOULD be called during this time, regardless of whether the final condition is known or not. Despite being miles away, you have as much right to be involved as those who live nearby.

As for deaths of relatives, not telling you when the death first occurred is outrageous--what if y'all had wanted to come home for the funeral?

If this is dh's sister, he needs to talk to her and ask how she would feel if their parents were visiting and they chose not to call and tell HER about a medical emergency with their parents. If she is dh's brother's wife, the conversation needs to be wth the brother, laying hte responsibility on him. You should probably also tell the parents that keeping y'all informed is VERY important to your peace of mind. Your names need to be listed in their medical records as being people to contact and permission to release medical information.