What do you do when a freind of 20 yrs dumps you for a new one?

[Dar]

I have had a few friends do that to me...

1- it turned out she was hiding a really bad drug problem and it had gotten out of control and she knew very well my feelings on drugs and was embarrassed to come to me for help

2- who i thought was a friend was using me for my offers of babysitting.. and trips to the grocery store on shopping day ect.. (i am a sucker)

3- her and I have grown apart she thinks its OK to allow her underage children to drink and get drunk at the age of 14

I have one friend that I have only known for about 5 years and she has been with me through some really rough spots...

other then that i have a lot of acquaintances not many TRUE friends

 

[Melissa034]

people diffinately grow apart, for all kinds a selfish reasons. Their drugs, what they can get, what they want. Very selfish.

 

[lizareny]

Dang! Thank you thank you, I feel better. Having more opinions and thoughts than the ones in my own head is a great comfort. Thanks so much. Makes me feel stronger and comforted, and that's a good thing!

Obviously the word 'comfort' is an ongoing verb here....but I mean it! I feel comforted!

 

[AHappychick]

I had a friend who I thought was a very strong independent person. She ended up dating a guy who was no good. I didn't care much until he decided that he did not like my DH (BF at the time) anyway she stopped returning my calls, and ignored me all of a sudden. after a few months of calling and thinking she was just busy or perhaps mad at me I finally got in touch with her and she said she was no longer going to be friends with me if I dated AJ. That made no sense as everyone loved AJ.

I stopped speaking with her and our lives went on.

Then when AJ died she and the BF had the nerve to come to the wake. I don't remember much but I know I said something to her my sister said I looked at them when they came up to me and said. "you both should be ashamed of yourselves" or something like that. I guess they left right after I said that.

Then a year later they decided to get married on the exact anniversary of my dh'ds death. I flipped out, how could they, not only was it weird but it forced one of our mutual friends to make a decision on where she was to go that day. I cursed them and their wedding, literally.

Come to find out she was already cheating on him and texting the other man at the WEDDING! then on the honey moon they broke up (got marriage annulled) and she went with the other guy, who is actually way worse than the first.

Now she has a kid which the "father" never pays attention to and basically lives a very sad life.

So I guess what I am saying is if she ended it let it stay that way you are probably better off, although I doubt she is....

 

[Cindiloohoo]

If you miss her, leave her a message that her and the new friend are invited to lunch or something...on YOUR turf. If not...eh, there are other people to be friends with. Emotionally it is hard. Maybe she is hiding a new habit from you, or doing something she knows you wouldn't appreciate. Don't sweat it though. My best friend and I used to sit on the front porch with a glass of iced tea and just chat for hours....fast forward to recently...she hadn't called for months, and then called needing a shoulder to cry on, and then hung up on me to take another call...LOL! That's just how she is though, and I accept that. I laugh at her and harass her with a voicemail saying "I see how important I am!" and get a good giggle out of it. She's a dork, but if I really need her she's there. Some friends just aren't everyday friends and the availability of quality time can be from one extreme to the other. Find someone else to hang out with and get your nails done. I do that stuff with my kids, it's a hoot! Your issue may be that you have started to define yourself and your friendship by interaction with her and taken for granted it would always be like that. She has a NEW buddy...the NEW will wear off eventually. Let her figure that out on her own.

 

[Sissy]

I have been there, after
no return calls .always busy, ETc...
I let it go.

 

[jerseygirl1]

Quote:
We're your friends forever on here

 

[lizareny]

We've shared our lives together since we were in 2nd grade. She has no obligation to me to continue. Having read the advice given I feel like I've gotten over a hump...maybe not THE hump, but I feel more secure about trusting myself to make the right/best decision and be happy with it. Thanks so much you guys!!! I appreciate you giving me your ear and sharing very helpful advice! Thank you Thank you!


Now I feel as if I must go do a good deed to pay karma back, hehee.

 

[bantamamba]

Glad you've figured things out.

I started a similar thread some time ago. Exact same situation. My friend since 2nd grade, suddenly has other, more interesting people to occupy her. I learned to quit trying to contact her and move on with life. If she was truly my friend, she would not be ignoring me or out of touch so often. Not worth my time, nor any negative emotions spent.

It's sad and frustrating, but childhood friends often do pull apart...and it's usually for the better.

 

[Melissa034]

Quote:
You are always the best person to make the best decisions for your life. Provided you are a responsible adult.(all you little eyes out there)