What do you do when you catch a friend cheating??

[ScoobyRoo]

What will be akward for Xtina, is the next time they have a get together. How is she going to play cool knowing what she and her husband have been told? Maybe this other person who saw the cheater might say something? I agree to stay out of it. But I have never been in either postion, so..... good luck.

 

[Sequin]

Quote:
I completely agree. But it isn't really gossip if you are discussing the matter with the person the 'gossip' is about, is it? It is actually preventing additional rumors and gossip from taking place because you are seeking the truth and looking to put to rest this situation when talking it over with the person it is all about. I still feel that good communication can be of value in this situation.

 

[beckt]

Xtina, like you said before have you been cheated on before? I think in my opinion, and everyone is entitled to their own, if she is a true friend then start asking questions just to feel her out. If they are still in a relationship then you have your answer. Yes I have been cheated on by hubby and just wished like holy heck someone who was hearing all the rumors would have given me a heads up. Just know this if she knows and is turning a blind eye to it there is nothing you can do to change things.

 

[onthespot]

If I spent a lot of time with the couple, I'd ask the cheater off to the side, away from the GF. I would totally blind side him with it, not give him any time to prep himself. If his response seemed guilty at all, I would tell the GF. I would not tell her he cheated, I would tell her what I heard, what I said to the BF, and his reaction. I would also tell her I was not getting involved any further, and she was on her own. Anyone worth spending "lots of time with" is worth telling she's being played.

 

[Chook-A-Holic]

Xtina, I've been in the dilemma you and your DH are in now, except I was the witness myself. Me and the DW caught one of my best friends wife with another man 500 miles from home. We carried this burden for about a month and decided to tell him. He was very appreciative at the time. Him and his wife split and filed for a divorce. Later they reconciled and me an the DW ended up being the bad guys in the whole mess. About 5yrs ago someone else caught her again. After talking with me they decided not to get involved. She has now left him for this other person. He sure could have been saved a lot of misery. Now he started calling me wanting to do things we used to do before all of this mess. I am very skeptical due to how me and the DW were treated and just avoid having anything to do with him. Never again will I get involved in someone Else's business.

 

[wildorchid053]

if they aren't married then stay out of it.. they are free to date and kiss whoever they want. you will only hurt someones feelings by tattling.

 

[DuckLady]

I agree with those who say that unless you saw it first hand, stay out of it.

The people who witnessed it were sure quick to call you and gossip about it. They probably told others, too. If they feel it is such an important issue that they have to tattle about it, let them confront your husband's friend. That was pretty rude to put your hubby in the middle of it and let him take the fall if he talked to his friend.

And if your husband feels the need to talk to his friend about it, he should make sure to disclose who told what in the first place.


If the people who spotted them are just so dang curious about the personal relationship of someone they don't know well, then they need to panty up and ask the couple themselves.

Xtina and her hubby are in a hard position. If it were me, I would merely say that they didn't want to gossip about their friends and remind the tattlers to MYOB.

 

[Wifezilla]

The people who saw it first hand have the obligation to go to the cheater and tell him to fess up NOW because they are going to tell the gf. If you are hearing this second of 3rd hand...tell the people who told you to do the right thing.

I have outright told my friends if I ever saw them cheating I would rat them out. If you are so sick and tired of your spouse that you are considering being with someone else....get a divorce. You DO NOT cheat on your spouse and let them carry on building a life with you while you take time, energy and resources and spend it on a slime bag. That's right...if you knowingly cheat with someone who is married, you are slime in my book.

 

[mom'sfolly]

For what its worth....

You didn't see what happened. You have a rumor of bad behavior, not a personal knowledge. As for kissing....there are a lot of scenarios that could be completely innocent. Maybe it was a kiss of greeting, or goodbye, or a kiss between friends. Lots of people have different boundaries for that sort of thing. Because you did not see what happened, if you talk to your friends, it will just be relaying possibly hurtful gossip. I'd keep my mouth shut, and my eyes open. If you do see something, then you can re-evaluate.

At this point, you know the first friends are not people you should trust in a delicate situation. They seem to be fairly free with spreading rumors and stirring trouble. The "cheater" should be given the benefit of the doubt until you have a real reason to believe otherwise.

I also disagree with most here. If you, personally, have witnessed something, I feel that the obligation of friendship would be to help a friend with the situation. That would mean your dh approaching his best friend with the evidence, and asking about it, perhaps in a "do you really think this is the best idea" sort of way. The only obligation of friendship you have in this situation might be to inform your friend that there are some nasty rumors floating around.....

 

[The Chicken People]

I have been cheated on and it hurt! That being said, I am glad that relationship ended and I married my soulmate!
I recently had to make a hard decision. I told my best friend that her daughter ( also a great friend of mine) was using drugs. I have been called names not appropriate for a family forum! I have lost a friend but now I know that my friend wont be financially funding her daughters drug problem!
If I were in your shoes I would let my husband make this call and I would stay out of it! UNLESS she ask you ..then I wouldnt lie or candy coat the situation..I would tell it like you heard it and tell who you heard it from! Honesty is the best policy when you are asked!