What do you do when you catch a friend cheating??

[debilorrah]

My ex husband cheated on me and they way I found out was the perfect way for someone to tell another: "How come your husbands truck is always parked in front of Kelly's house at 5:30 am?" And here I thought he was going to work.

 

[PineappleMama]

I wouldn't want to be sticking my foot in my mouth... but on the same note if there's a lady (using the term loosely) running around pouncing on taken men within the group I wouldn't want me and mine anywhere near her... but I have been accused of paranoia...

Honesty is the best policy, for your own conscience. Problem of course is that you've no way of knowing how the truth will be taken... MANY tend to shoot the messenger, so people lie and cover and THEN when the truth comes out and they find out you knew all along and didn't say a word THEN they shoot the lack of messenger because a real friend would have said something. Great Big Catch 22.

But in this instance it sounds like that other couple is trying to pass that Catch-22 Buck to you... don't let them. You weren't there so you cannot give honest info about the situation... They Need To... but not you.

 

[Sonoran Silkies]

Only read the first page so far.

1) YOU did not see him with someone else, the kind of kiss, etc. At this point it is nothing but gossip. Do not talk to anyone else about it; period. And do tell anyone who brings it up that passing that information behind someone's back is at best hurtful.

2) IFF lots of people are talking about it, it would be a kindness to tell your frined that you have heard people talking about her and her boyfriend. If she wants to know what is being said, she will then ask, and you can tell her what is being said, and that you have chosen to not repeat it to anyone, but thought she ought to be aware of the gossip.

3) If you see the boyfriend with another woman, tell him that he must talk to your friend--make a point of letting him know that you will not lie for him or to her. You don't even have to specifiy whether you will tell her or not, just let him know that the possibility is there. That way you have not backed yourself into any corners.

4) Do not attend any social occasions where he is with another woman and still dating your friend.

5) It is possible that he and your friend have broken up, making this entire series of speculations moot.

 

[zippitydooda]

Just my opinion:

Regardless of what you think you know.... clam up and avoid the culprit. Never has the messenger ever been welcomed when bringing bad news... and, more than likely if this guy is out in public kissing on someone other than his girlfriend, he WILL be caught by the girlfriend eventually.

 

[angelique_redhead]

I second this!

: Angelique

Quote:

 

[arabianequine]

Quote:
I am so sorry to say I disagree with you!

Just because you are not married does not mean you can date and kiss whoever you want to everyone. We do not know how this person feels about this. For instance I have been with my boyfriend technically for almost 15 years so am I free to kiss and date whoever I want? I am your right, but if he finds out I am positive it will be over. Neither of us would stand for that and we both know it.

By the way your worried about hurting someones feelings for tattling, isn't that hurting their feelings just letting them stay together and keep doing it to the other person.....if they ever found out and what if they found out you knew and never said anything?


So op I would maybe see where the person stands on this if you can talk about stuff like this with them. Are they in a open or monogamous relationship? Maybe the person being cheated on could hire "cheaters" or a PI to help them out so that person knows for sure.

You can always just let it be and see what else turns up hopefully if the person does not agree in open relationship then they will find something out somehow.

 

[Lofty Dreams]

find out more about this before you do anything
And also its good not to stick you nose up others bussisness

 

[chixie]

I would stay out it for several reasons... #1 if you didn't see it. how do you know it really happened

#2 girlfriend probably wont believe you( happens alot)
#3 you dont know the status of thier relationship(open or not)
#4 it is really not your business(though I would want to know if my hubby was heating-but thats just me)
and there is many many more

this is just my opinion

 

[whillo]

Unfortunately, nine times out of ten, the cheater will lie his butt off when confronted and the girlfriend will believe him because she loves him and wants to believe him. It will take more than hearsay to convince her that what you know is truth. She would need solid proof.

I think what you need to do is just think about what you would want if the situation were reversed... if it was your man out there and your friend knew. Would you want to be told? Would you cease to be her friend if she told you and you couldn't believe it because your cheater told you it was not true?

It happened to me. I did NOT shoot the messenger, but my S.O. wanted to!

He also convinced me at that time that it was not true. I had to find out later that it was. By that time, I was grateful that my friend had tried to warn me and we are friends to this day. The OTHER people that I realized knew though...? They're history.

 

[Xtina]

Well, by now the situation has changed and become much more complicated. I don't want to get into the specifics because it's largely resolved, but after I felt out the situation with the girl today, I emailed the guy and we worked it out. He's going to tell her - not as soon as I'd like, but he's going to do the right thing. He didn't manage this whole situation very well, but he's trying to do the right thing now, as much as he can. I just hope they can both move on and be positive going forward.