Discussion in 'Games, Jokes, and Fun!' started by Davaroo, Jul 18, 2008.

  1. Davaroo

    Davaroo Poultry Crank

    Feb 4, 2007
    Leesville, SC
    1. If being chased through town, you can usually take cover in any passing parade - since there is one en route at any time of the year.

    2. All beds have special L-shaped top sheets that reach to armpit level on a woman but only waist level on the man lying beside her.

    3. All grocery shopping bags contain at least one stick of French bread.

    4. Once applied, lipstick will never rub off - even while scuba diving.

    5. The ventilation system of any building is a perfect hiding place. No one will ever think of looking for you in there and you can travel to any other part of the building without difficulty, or even getting dirty.

    6. Should you wish to pass yourself off as a German officer, it will not be necessary to speak the language. A German accent will do.

    7. The Eiffel Tower can be seen from any window of any building in Paris.

    8. A man will show no pain while taking the most ferocious beating but will wince when a woman tries to clean his wounds.

    9. When paying for a taxi, never look at your wallet as you take out a note - just grab one at random and hand it over. It will always be the exact fare.

    10. If you lose a hand, it will cause the stump of your arm to grow by 15cm.

    11. Mothers routinely cook eggs, bacon and waffles for their family every morning, even though the husband and children never have time to eat them.

    12. Cars and trucks that crash always burst into flames.

    13. A single match will be sufficient to light up a room the size of a football stadium.

    14. Medieval peasants had perfect teeth.

    15. All single women have a cat.

    16. Any person waking from a nightmare will sit bolt upright and pant.

    17. One man shooting at 20 men has a better chance of killing them than those same 20 men have of killing him.

    18. Creepy music coming from a graveyard should always be closely investigated with a flashlight... at night... with lots fo fog rolling by.

    19. Most people keep a scrapbook of newspaper cuttings - especially if any of their family or friends has died in a strange boating accident.

    20. It does not matter if you are heavily outnumbered in a fight involved martial arts - your enemies will wait patiently to attack you one by one by dancing around in a threatening manner until you have knocked out their predecessor.

    21. During a very emotional confrontation, instead of facing the person you are speaking to, it is customary to stand behind them and talk to their back.

    22. When you turn out the light to go to bed, everything in your room will still be clearly visible, just slightly bluish.

    23. Dogs always know who’s bad and will naturally bark at them.

    24. When they are alone, all foreigners prefer to speak English to each other.

    25. Rather than wasting bullets, megalomaniacs prefer to kill their arch-enemies using complicated machinery involving fuses, pulley systems, deadly gases, lasers and man eating sharks that will
    A. Fail to search their captives for escape worthy devices or tools,
    B. Allow at least 20 minutes for their captives to escape, in some devilishly clever manner.

    26. Having a job of any kind will make all fathers forget their son’s eighth birthday.

    27. Many musical instruments - especially wind instruments and accordions - can be played without moving the fingers.

    28. All bombs are fitted with electronic timing devices with large red readouts so you know exactly when they’re going to go off. They always beep as they countdown the seconds to detonation, too.

    29. It is always possible to park directly outside the building you are visiting.

    30. A detective can only solve a case once he has been suspended from duty.

    31. If you decide to spuriously start dancing in the street, everyone you bump will, indeed the entire city itself, will automatically know all the steps.
  2. Wolf-Kim

    Wolf-Kim Songster

    Jan 25, 2008

    No matter what the situation or the amount of explosives, clothes and hair never get dirty.

  3. farmgirlie1031

    farmgirlie1031 Songster

    Apr 26, 2008
    [​IMG] Thanks for sharing.
  4. Southernbelle

    Southernbelle Gone Broody

    Mar 17, 2008
    So this is where you've been. Where do you get all this stuff?
  5. gumpsgirl

    gumpsgirl Crowing

    Mar 25, 2008
    Quote:Oh boy! I'm really in trouble! Everyone that comes to my house is bad. [​IMG]

    That was all so true Davaroo! Thanks for the laugh.[​IMG]
  6. countryboy

    countryboy Songster

    Oct 31, 2007
  7. speckledhen

    speckledhen Intentional Solitude

    When faced with some horror in the movies, the main female character will scream, put the back of her hand to her mouth, run three feet and trip over a stick, falling to the ground and have to be rescued...unless she's Lara Croft or Sigourney Weaver. Never could figure out why a woman running for her life can never manage to get her feet under her. [​IMG]
  8. d.k

    d.k red-headed stepchild

    * No matter how much time a hero spends in or under water, he always dries off at least 1O minutes sooner than his busty co-star.
  9. spiderman

    spiderman In the Brooder

    Jul 18, 2008
    The Sticks, VT
    They always have to walk towards the bady guy
  10. d.k

    d.k red-headed stepchild

    *Even the most botched landing following a stunt jump during a car chase usually has no discernable effect on the car itself, either in condition or continuing performance. [​IMG]

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