What to do when your child just won't eat?

[debilorrah]

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Every once in a while Debi nails it. This is one of those times.

A somewhat related story. Our 7 year old decided he was not going to get dressed in time to catch the school bus. After a few days of this, my wife threw him and his clothes out the front door when it was time to go outside to catch the bus. That Spiderman underwear was cute. The next day, he did not believe she would do it again. She did. After that, he believed her.

Thanks. I think.

 

[Cindiloohoo]

Sometimes they just aren't hungry, or can't eat that much. My DD was the same way. My niece was the same way.

We gave her 5 small meals a day just like they say do for a diabetic. Then she will be hungry enough to eat it all, but nothing left to play with if she's full. They have NO concept of time. Take it away after 30 minutes is up. This will not only give them a grasp of time after getting in the habit, it will also relieve your stress, and she will eat. It IS very much annoying to have that problem with a child. I have been through it twice, and hope I never have to again!!

 

[mulewagon]

I remember a great quote from a pediatrician, who said that if kids are running around and playing, they're getting enough to eat. Just don't worry about it, and don't stress. If she's hungry, she'll eat it, and if she's not, she'll keep.

 

[AK Michelle]

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Yep, that's my take on it too. I never had to battle with my kids over food, I never heated a bottle and I rarely let them choose what they were going to eat. They got what was served, after that it was a choice of two, take it or leave it. If they didn't eat, jammies and bed. No fuss, no muss.

Now they each cook at least 1 day a week. The menu that day is their choice. But everyone eats what is prepared. They are all on their own for breakfast and lunch. I assume they eat as they've not starved to death yet and the groceries consistantly need to be replaced.

 

[SpringChickens]

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See... that's your problem - you can't let him do that! The name of the game in raising children is consistency - you need to make sure that you do things the same way EVERY time. It doesn't matter how much she kicks and screams, do it anyway. It will become easier over time.

Also, I definitely wouldn't sit with her. My daughter takes a LONG time to eat as well. I will sit with her for the first 30-45 minutes, then I'm done. If she wants to keep eating, that's fine, but if she gets up from the table, she's done and I remove her food. She can finish eating while I'm cleaning the kitchen or whatever I decide to do, and it usually only takes 5 minutes for her to decide that she really was done, after all.

Good luck!

 

[welsummerchicks]

In general, I don't think it's worth worrying about. Most of the time, I figure if a kid doesn't want to eat his food, he is not hungry. So he can eat what he wants, which might be a little or nothing, and then leave the table.

If he comes back later hungry, maybe there is something about the dinner time he's trying to avoid - a problem with dad or older brother, say, or he's too wound up from school.

Would I make him something at that point?

Probably not. Pretty much at my house, the rule is, the chef makes dinner once. If you want to eat later, you need to do it yourself, with some support from the chef if you are an infant of course, but if you want to eat another time, you need to learn to do that yourself, and clean up after, and that better be pretty thorough, as the chef is pretty picky about her kitchen. And there is a list on the fridge of what's available for starving children, and it better come off that list.

As you can imagine, that's all a lot less appealing than just sitting down and stuffing your face and letting someone else do more of the work. So that doesn't happen often at my table.

What if they aren't eating a balanced diet? Well, all the experts say, it will all even out over time. If they don't drink milk, they might like ice cream, say, or frozen yogurt. If they don't like vegetables, they probably will eat a banana, or maybe a carrot.

At a certain age, many kids, their growth rate slows way down, and because of that, they tend to eat quite a bit less, some kids will even get rather thin. That pretty normal, and they will change their growth rate again later. Many times, parent's expectations don't change gear when the kid's growth rate changes and slows down.

When a kid doesn't eat, first of all I ask him if he has a stomach ache or otherwise doesn't feel good. If he feels sick, might need to not get loaded down or - well - we all know what will happen next.

If the problem is he doesn't like the food served, I know that quite a few younger kids, are actually, really physically nauseated by trying to eat different textures they're not used to. So they often don't like a lot of things. If they get a little urpy once, their stomach tends to remember even if they don't.

Generally, though, I find that kids try a great many things very easily, when their parents are adventurous eaters and try a lot of different things and are just laid back and not nervous about what they eat. We make a huge deal of being adventurous at my house and kids tend to really get into the spirit of things, especially cooking, choosing menus, etc. If they don't like something, I usually laugh and say, 'You're a BABY EATER', and they get mad and pop it in their mouths and yell, 'I AM NOT!'

I'm kind of a chef, so if a kid doesn't like something, I am a lot more interested in getting them to broaden their tastes than I am in getting them to 'clean up that plate because I told you to'...unlike the poor beleagured parent. Usually, if they are willing to take even a tiny taste, they get a big round of applause here, and everyone says, 'what's it taste like? come on, what do you think?' Usually some comment will be made about how MOST kids don't try that til they are MUCH older, LOL.

I had a kid dropped in my lap once that had 'an eating problem' at 2 1/2. His mother handed me a gigantic dinner plate piled high with about two pounds of shredded white chicken meat with nothing on it, and said 'He HAS TO FINISH THIS AND HE CAN'T HAVE ANYTHING ELSE TO EAT'. The kid looked up at me with an expression that said, 'Could you please just kill me now instead?' I looked at the food and almost ralphed myself. It was NOT attractive. It looked like something Richard Dreyfuss made in 'Close Encounters'.

Sometimes it's easier when the worried mom isn't hovering over one, and sometimes, well, you just need to be a little creative. Little ones seem to eat an awful lot when they're sitting on your lap and you're both eating off one plate, and watching a movie. Of course many hassled parents don't have the time, but I sure do. So if you got a bad eater, bring him on over.

 

[Judy]

Lots of good advice here. I went through the clothes thing and used a similar approach.

She has already won the power struggle. Sit down and make a plan, probably should write it down, announce it, then stick to it for, say, two weeks. Evaluate and revise if needed.

Or, 10 years from now it won't be food that the power play is over.

 

[boykin2010]

my mom used to tell my sister that the longer she takes to eat the food the less nutrients she gets... then she said if she didnt eat it within a 30 or 45 minute period that she wasnt getting enough nutrients and people that dont get enough nutrients have to go to the doctor and get a bunch of shots.... everyone hates shots so she gobbled it up and we havent had the problem for a while

 

[sonew123]

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AMEN!!! I didnt even read anymore posts to see what Id say!! My youngest was like that forever!! I got to the point where I was making her 2-3 different meals every meal-When she was 4 I called it all off. I didnt care how much she cried kicked and screamed when i took her plate away-YOUR DONE- You eat when we eat-you eat what we eat-or you go to bed hungry. I would give her a few more minutes but not when you play with food and screw around..She was a tough cookie to crack and it took weeks before she realized I meant business. Id catch her sneaking into cuboards and fridge-but not for real food-for "treats" or crap food-which I really never bought. After a few weeks she caved and turned around and did the right thing by eating with us and what we ate. AT 12 if she doesnt like what I cook or what not-she may have a bowl of cereal-no 2nd meals period!

 

[Ema]

I currently have two children that do that my 7yr DD and my 2 yr old DS...I learned from my first child not to fuss about it. The more I used to fuss the worse the issue got, its a power struggle and my kids are stubborn.............I put the meal in front of them and once seated it will start in no time, I am not hungry, I have a tummy ache, I don't like it (but its their favorite meal) so while Dh gets upset and you can tell by looking at him, I look over and say, well, eat a little more and then you can go play. When they ask again I will look over again and say, well, that is good but a couple more bites please. I do this until they have only a little bit left and then I let them off. My children don't get a whole lot of junk, and usually they have a healthy snack before bedtime anyhow. I think the only time there is no meal bargaining is breakfast, they get their milk and waffles or yogurt and I do not hear a sound until its done and they have put their dishes in the kitchen (yes even my 2yr brings his dishes into the kitchen, very proud of him)