What would you do? kinda long sorry

Discussion in 'Random Ramblings' started by Crazy4Chicks, Dec 7, 2007.

  1. Crazy4Chicks

    Crazy4Chicks Songster

    Nov 20, 2007
    Glendale, AZ
    Hi all I am in a bit of confusion here -I will try to keep this post as short as I can..
    When I was very young my mom and dad split up, I spent my whole life wondering who my dad was when I was 16 I found him ( went through alot of family members to do it ) anyway after a few months of talking on the phone I moved to GA to get to know him I left EVERYTHING behind all my household things gone.
    After getting there he seemed to care less if I were there or not I stayed in GA for a few years meet DH, but after awhile I felt like I was not even a part of his family ( dads ) so me and DH moved back to NM.
    I kept in contact with my dad and one of my sisters, and things have been fine, I decided to get chickens about the same time they did ( niether of us knew it at the time ) so now through our love of chickens me and dad have been getting to know each other better - he even wrote me a 3 page letter. ( of course mostly about his chickens LOL ) but now the letters are sounding different - he is talking about how he is sorry he treated me like he did when I moved there to get to know him , that if I moved back things would be different this time, how he wants myself, my sister and him to raise chickens together as a family.
    If I move back to GA I will be leaving behind my mom, step-dad, and 17 year old daughter - along with friends and all my flock here.
    DH said he is fine staying here in NM ( but I know he would love to move back to GA - ALL his family is there )
    My mom gave me the " mom " answer do what you think is best but I would hate to see you go answer.
    The little girl in me that has always wanted to know her dad is screaming MOVE BACK ,

    So I turn to my BYC friends and ask - what would you do? please dont be afraid of giving the" wrong answer " I am just looking for different points of view, and advice.


    the other plus to moving to GA -just think how many GA BYCers I will be close to LOL
  2. Lunachick

    Lunachick Chicken Slave

    Mar 19, 2007
    Brick, NJ
    Maybe take some time to think this thru, and go with your gut feelings. If you go back to Ga. and it isn't right for you, you can always move back. I wouldn't rush anything.
  3. wegotchickens

    wegotchickens DownSouth D'Uccles & Silkies

    Jul 5, 2007
    Sevier County, TN
    I'd go for it. You'll never get this chance again. Life has a way of changing unexpectedly.

    Maybe as a test, see if he will come visit you in NM, and see how it goes when you're on your turf? Or you go visit him and see how things go?

    It's a chance to learn more family history, and reconnect with your own past. And maybe heal some wounds.
  4. jkcove08

    jkcove08 Songster

    Apr 12, 2007
    Is there any way that you and your hubby could stay with family for a few weeks or a month to see how things are going to be before you sell everything in NM and move to GA? I truely think it would be great that you would be able to get back into a wonderful relationship with your father abd be able to spend more time with your in laws. It is very hard when you have family so spread apart. Maybe you should move half way in the middle and make them come to you,,lol. I think if you could find a way to test run the relationship without tearing up all your roots in NM that would be best. ALso how does your daughter feel about you possible moving? Maybe waiting another year or so would not be a bad idea either. Jenn
  5. Kristina

    Kristina Songster

    Apr 30, 2007
    South Louisiana
    This hits knda close to home....I will say in my personal experience I had to drop my father from my life permanetly. As much as I want to know him I can't. He will talk to me for a while...then stop calling.....then he can't tlk to me casue his wife won't let....then he cries hes sorry. It's been like this for 25 years and I'm tired of giving chances. You really do have to do what you feel is right but....are you ready to leave what you have in NM? And my only other question is...what if you or him decide to stop raising chickens? Does the relationship go out the door after that? Only you really know what type of person he is so ultimately you need to decide whats best for you. Good Luck and I'll be thinking of you!
  6. jdypat

    jdypat Songster

    the father in your dreams.. your mind your uncounscious does not exist. no matter how much you've cooresponded with him ..you have made an image of what he is in your mind.. you have made him to be Daddy.. He is not now or never will be or never can be what you have formed in your mind.. he will never be able to live up to those expectations. you are headed for great pain when you finally realize that.

    i had similiar thing with my mother.. that dear wonderful loving sweet caring and protective mother i had imagined.. was just a plain old woman.. who did not love me as a daughter..she couldnt she didnt know me.. and i surely did not live up the dreams she had of me.. we were strangers who had expectations from the other that were impoossible to live up to. stay where you were planted.
  7. Rosalind

    Rosalind Songster

    Mar 25, 2007
    Explain to me again why you have to move there? You can't just visit for a week or two?
  8. picklespickles

    picklespickles Songster

    Oct 27, 2007
    agree with jdypat
  9. Hotwings

    Hotwings Songster

    Jan 27, 2007
    southwestern Michigan
    This is only my personal opinion. It is good that your Dad is trying to get back in your life but to move across the country is another. Why would you leave your 17 year old daughter? At this point of her life she still needs a maternal influence. You have been separated for a long time and I think if you want to get closer it should be over time. Believe me I speak from experience when relatives come to live with you. It is hard for several families to live together. At first things can be lovey dovey but then the sparks fly, everybody has their own ways of behaving. He may disagree on something you do and say "this is my house" and then you might feel like an intruder. I don't know if you and your husband will get your own place and live nearby. It sounds like he is feeling guilty. Do you or your husband have jobs where you live? Trying to get a job in another state might be hard. I encourage you to try and re-establish a relationship maybe over a period of times maybe visits on a short time. I don't want to influence you in any way but think long and hard over this before you leap into the unknown. Mary
  10. nccountrygirl

    nccountrygirl Songster

    Jul 31, 2007
    Sanford N.C.
    When DH and I were living in S.C. my MIL and DH sisters and his whole family were here in N.C. My MIL wanted us to move back here as she missed her only son. We moved back, it was a HUGH mistake. DH and I and kids moved in with her till we could get a place of our own, in a month we were at each others throat. For at least a yr. after that we couldn't even be around each other. We eventually worked thing out and were good friends till her death in 1999. I would advise you to really think hard about your decision. It ain't always greener on the other side. Laura

BackYard Chickens is proudly sponsored by: