Whats the craziest thing your kids did?

We were standing in line at the grocery store I was buying bug spray (I had seen a roach in the house earlier that day, I live in Ga enough said!) I was also buying a pack of cigarettes for my girlfriend who was waiting out in the car,when my 6 y/o daughter sees the cigarettes and goes ouuuuuuu mommy is doing drugs (at least I knew she was paying attention in DARE) and my 4 y/o son proceeded to tell the cashier that we were infested with roaches! Of course that was my fault because I had stated that morning that I felt like we were infested, I swear there was only 1 bug!
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They are 18 and 20 now, I cant wait for payback
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My grandfather is 6ft 4 and weighs like 400 pounds a very big man. He always jokes about it to my kids. Yep Grandpa a a very fat man etc. We were in a very crowded Walmart waiting to checkout. When my 4 year old walks up to a woman and says holy cow you are fatter than my grandpa and he is HUGE in of course a very loud voice. I hear at least 3 people bust out laughing and if that was'nt bad enough his 5 year old brother pipes up. He's right you are you are like twice as big as grandpa, I did'nt think anyone could be that fat! I was so embarassed. We were stuck in line and could'nt go anywhere. I appologized over and over. The woman did not find it amusing in the least.
 
My daughter, ( in highschool now) is an artist and a musician. At an early age she was always drawing something, or playing her keyboard. We always had a supply of paper on hand for her.
Well, we ran out of paper one day. She decided to draw murals on everything in her room. I mean everything. Her TV screen. Her Keyboard. Her bed. Her walls. Everything. I walked in there, and was like oh my god...
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: she just looked up at me and said...I ran out of paper Mom.
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Needless to say...To this day I make sure she has plenty of sketch pads
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Bluemoon
 
--Entire 20 oz tub of expensive body lotion all over them, the furniture, the windows, the walls, the floors, etc.

--Black Sharpie pen all over them, the furniture, the windows, the walls, the floors, etc.

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I used to be really heavy and little kids did that to me, too. I would always say, "Well, you are an obnoxious, rude little kid who needs to mind their own business." And I'd say it in a way that always made them cry
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Those were some good ole days!
 
Ok I thought of one with Abby (our oldest daughter)....

When she was about 2 Jason and I were moving into our house we had just bought (not our farm now)...Well anyway we were moving outta our apartment and her and her friend were in her bedroom packing up her very last things...Like I said she was about 2--so her things consisted of color books, doll, pillow and blanket....
Jason and I were getting the last stuff out and Abby's friends parents were helping load things up...

Well anyway somewhere in the mix of packing Abby and her friend found the BLACK SHARPE markers used for labeling boxs.....

They took those markers in her room and as high up as they could reach and as low and the carpeting(onto the carpeting)...they had doodles, pictures and words....Even 'ABBY'S ROOM written on the solid wood doors!!!!
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Every wall, door, window, window frame, closet wall, closet door(front and back),outlet covers, light switches, even drew on the carpet where her bed was...With doodles on the carpet too...
She said somewhere on the wall it said "This is Abby's room and you can't have it!!"--of course that wasn't written being she was only 2 years old, but it's what she said the doodles said...

I tell you....I was never so excited to find Kiltz paint as I was that day!!!!
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Of course the carpet, doors, and window frames were still difficult to clean...but it all got covered up...
 
We were new in our small town and, not having a home church, I chose the huge landmark that was easy to find to take the kids to Easter service. It had plush pink carpet, an enourmous crystal chandelier and every prominent citizen within 20 miles. We had come in from our place in the woods with the kids spit shined and spotless. Just after we were settled and the service progressed to an appropriately silent hush, my four year old yelled "Mommie, I got a tick!" then held his wiggly trophy high. We found a new church.
 
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My oldest oe was about 4-5 years old and one saturday morning we walkied downtairs catching a glimpse of our half naked obese neighbor(350lbs plus) neighbor mowing the lawn. Taylor says
"WOW, mom our neighbor as bigger boobs than you" ...and i have 38 Ds.
 

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