When did you know?

Discussion in 'Family Life - Stories, Pictures & Updates' started by aChickted, Sep 2, 2011.

  1. aChickted

    aChickted Out Of The Brooder

    39
    0
    22
    Apr 9, 2011
    Washington
    That it was time to have kids?

    Hubby and I have been married for over a year now, and although we aren't actively planning any little pitter patter's of tiny feet (other then chicks!!) around the house, we do talk about having kids pretty frequently. He is ready any time, but I am just finishing up my nursing degree so I'm not ready yet! And, then I think about having kids as soon as I graduate and start working.. but then I feel like I'm going to have a heart attack from actually thinking about it! I'm one of those people who likes to plan things out, make the most of every minute kinda thing, so I want to "plan" having children, but it freaks me right out! Labour & delivery! Ahh! Being preggo and getting a huge belly and having to pee one million times a day... ahh! Breast feeding.. ahhh! So, is this "obviousley she's not ready yet" or... "gosh girl you think too much"? I don't even know.

    Oddly, my favourite area to work as a nurse in has been maternity!
     
  2. Hot2Pot

    Hot2Pot Fox Hollow Rabbitry

    Feb 1, 2010
    West TN
    We waited until we got a house. I didn't want to get stuck in an apartment all my life and kids are expensive .
     
  3. Beekissed

    Beekissed True BYC Addict

    I'd say you are not ready yet. You'll know. You will get a certain yearning, a tugging at your heart to have something beyond you and your husband's relationship. Something you can share, watch grow, nurture and teach. Most of all, you will want that warm, snuggly baby in your arms....they smell so good, are so very beautiful, and they immediately own your heart.

    You'll know when the "what ifs" in your mind stop feeling panicky and overwhelming and turn into possibilities and something that fits into your life.
     
  4. zippitydooda

    zippitydooda Chillin' With My Peeps

    398
    0
    121
    Apr 23, 2010
    Ottawa, Ohio
    I have a friend who WAS like you, a planner. She had every aspect of her life organized. Her education went as planned. Got a great job, met a super nice guy, got engaged, got married (wedding & everything planned to the last napkin), bought a house & furnished it and then planned their first pregnancy.

    From there it was all downhill. She didn't plan to have a roller coaster ride of a pregnancy, she didn't plan to go into labor early, and then came the one thing she didn't count on...... the baby who had her OWN plans LOL! [​IMG]

    I remember talking to my friend about 3 weeks after the birth of their daughter and she was SO exhausted and SO frustrated. The only advice I could give her was : go with the flow.....you can't plan every detail of your life.

    If you wait until everything is "perfect" you will be too old to have kids..... there is never an exact "right" time to have children. It is different for everyone. As someone mentioned previously, you will just "know" when you are ready. If you are questioning it, you are probably just plain worried. It all works out, I promise.

    On the flip side of the coin,some planning for a family IS a good idea...make sure you will have a place to live and a way to pay for all of the child's needs. Those tiny little things are EXPENSIVE! (but totally worth every penny!) [​IMG]

    Good luck to you!
     
  5. mom'sfolly

    mom'sfolly Overrun With Chickens

    5,024
    66
    308
    Feb 15, 2007
    Austin area, Texas
    We were childless by choice for the first ten years of our marriage. It worked for us. It makes us older parents, but we are more financially secure, can take nice vacations, and we knew each other well before we had the stress of children.

    I don't particularly care for babies in the abstract; I like them once they can interact. If we could not have had children, I would have been disappointed but not devastated. My guys are, however, the best part of life, and loved beyond anything else I can imagine.

    I would say don't rush. Also in your position, I would work a few years before having children. If you get your degree, and immediately have kids, your career path may completely change. Many employers will be less likely to hire women with small children. In nursing, the less experienced nurses generally get the worst shifts. This means that you make be looking at working nights while you have a newborn. You've spent a lot of time and effort to become a nurse, don't waste it. Use the time your working to build a solid relationship with your husband. Discuss child rearing philosophies, schooling outlook, hobbies and time away from family, expectations for work outside the home and for house hold chores after the kids come along, build up some savings, etc. If you are a planner, this approach should appeal to you. All of the things I mentioned can become huge conflicts when there are small children added to the mix. Babies cause sleep deprivation and stresses that are unimaginable until you experience them, all with hormonal swings. Families evolve, and so do the expectations, stresses and exhilarations.
     
  6. bt03

    bt03 Chillin' With My Peeps

    588
    0
    119
    Mar 1, 2011
    Over the rainbow...
    The good Lord decided I was ready when I had my daughter. I had her when I was 16 and though it was hard I wouldn't take it back because my brother got to know her for 2 great years before he passed. It was hard and all kinds of crazy but I couldn't and wouldn't change it. Fast forward 10 years, I now have a very good and steady (recession proof, thankfully) job and I am married to the man of my dreams. Yes, things get crazy at times and I sometimes want to yank my hair out and my daughter makes me never want to have another child as long as I live and I could hit my husband in the head with the feed bucket, but I want to have babies [​IMG] Are we ready? That's the fun part of life and babies you are never "ready" you kind of just have to hit the ground running. If you over plan life then you miss out on it. Is it the right time? My come back question, was it the right time when you were born for all of the things life was going to be? Nope [​IMG] It's never "just right" it's a gut feeling you will have, but don't ever analize that feeling because then you will with a whole 'nother can of worms to contend with.
     
  7. SarahFair

    SarahFair Chillin' With My Peeps

    Sep 23, 2008
    Monroe, Ga
    I had 2 boys before I was 20. Sometimes I wonder if Ill ever get the yerning for another.
    The SO... not so much [​IMG]
     
  8. Fowl_Odor002

    Fowl_Odor002 Chillin' With My Peeps

    192
    11
    103
    Jul 5, 2011
    Mostly Here
    When I realized that after I die, I will need someone to bury me.
     
  9. sourland

    sourland Broody Magician Premium Member

    63,939
    9,772
    766
    May 3, 2009
    New Jersey
    From the moment that we wed, we planned to have children. David was born 14 months into our marriage and Kelly followed him by 19 months. We were young and money was short, but it worked. Grew them up and kicked them out and life is great. I think that the "right" time must be decided by each couple.
     
  10. ReikiStar

    ReikiStar Chillin' With My Peeps

    To aChickted...what if you the way you feel about being preggled never changes? What then? Will you push past it to have kids?
     

BackYard Chickens is proudly sponsored by