When did you know?


In the Brooder
8 Years
Apr 9, 2011
That it was time to have kids?

Hubby and I have been married for over a year now, and although we aren't actively planning any little pitter patter's of tiny feet (other then chicks!!) around the house, we do talk about having kids pretty frequently. He is ready any time, but I am just finishing up my nursing degree so I'm not ready yet! And, then I think about having kids as soon as I graduate and start working.. but then I feel like I'm going to have a heart attack from actually thinking about it! I'm one of those people who likes to plan things out, make the most of every minute kinda thing, so I want to "plan" having children, but it freaks me right out! Labour & delivery! Ahh! Being preggo and getting a huge belly and having to pee one million times a day... ahh! Breast feeding.. ahhh! So, is this "obviousley she's not ready yet" or... "gosh girl you think too much"? I don't even know.

Oddly, my favourite area to work as a nurse in has been maternity!
I'd say you are not ready yet. You'll know. You will get a certain yearning, a tugging at your heart to have something beyond you and your husband's relationship. Something you can share, watch grow, nurture and teach. Most of all, you will want that warm, snuggly baby in your arms....they smell so good, are so very beautiful, and they immediately own your heart.

You'll know when the "what ifs" in your mind stop feeling panicky and overwhelming and turn into possibilities and something that fits into your life.
I have a friend who WAS like you, a planner. She had every aspect of her life organized. Her education went as planned. Got a great job, met a super nice guy, got engaged, got married (wedding & everything planned to the last napkin), bought a house & furnished it and then planned their first pregnancy.

From there it was all downhill. She didn't plan to have a roller coaster ride of a pregnancy, she didn't plan to go into labor early, and then came the one thing she didn't count on...... the baby who had her OWN plans LOL!

I remember talking to my friend about 3 weeks after the birth of their daughter and she was SO exhausted and SO frustrated. The only advice I could give her was : go with the flow.....you can't plan every detail of your life.

If you wait until everything is "perfect" you will be too old to have kids..... there is never an exact "right" time to have children. It is different for everyone. As someone mentioned previously, you will just "know" when you are ready. If you are questioning it, you are probably just plain worried. It all works out, I promise.

On the flip side of the coin,some planning for a family IS a good idea...make sure you will have a place to live and a way to pay for all of the child's needs. Those tiny little things are EXPENSIVE! (but totally worth every penny!)

Good luck to you!
We were childless by choice for the first ten years of our marriage. It worked for us. It makes us older parents, but we are more financially secure, can take nice vacations, and we knew each other well before we had the stress of children.

I don't particularly care for babies in the abstract; I like them once they can interact. If we could not have had children, I would have been disappointed but not devastated. My guys are, however, the best part of life, and loved beyond anything else I can imagine.

I would say don't rush. Also in your position, I would work a few years before having children. If you get your degree, and immediately have kids, your career path may completely change. Many employers will be less likely to hire women with small children. In nursing, the less experienced nurses generally get the worst shifts. This means that you make be looking at working nights while you have a newborn. You've spent a lot of time and effort to become a nurse, don't waste it. Use the time your working to build a solid relationship with your husband. Discuss child rearing philosophies, schooling outlook, hobbies and time away from family, expectations for work outside the home and for house hold chores after the kids come along, build up some savings, etc. If you are a planner, this approach should appeal to you. All of the things I mentioned can become huge conflicts when there are small children added to the mix. Babies cause sleep deprivation and stresses that are unimaginable until you experience them, all with hormonal swings. Families evolve, and so do the expectations, stresses and exhilarations.
The good Lord decided I was ready when I had my daughter. I had her when I was 16 and though it was hard I wouldn't take it back because my brother got to know her for 2 great years before he passed. It was hard and all kinds of crazy but I couldn't and wouldn't change it. Fast forward 10 years, I now have a very good and steady (recession proof, thankfully) job and I am married to the man of my dreams. Yes, things get crazy at times and I sometimes want to yank my hair out and my daughter makes me never want to have another child as long as I live and I could hit my husband in the head with the feed bucket, but I want to have babies
Are we ready? That's the fun part of life and babies you are never "ready" you kind of just have to hit the ground running. If you over plan life then you miss out on it. Is it the right time? My come back question, was it the right time when you were born for all of the things life was going to be? Nope
It's never "just right" it's a gut feeling you will have, but don't ever analize that feeling because then you will with a whole 'nother can of worms to contend with.
From the moment that we wed, we planned to have children. David was born 14 months into our marriage and Kelly followed him by 19 months. We were young and money was short, but it worked. Grew them up and kicked them out and life is great. I think that the "right" time must be decided by each couple.

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