When do female humans stop nesting?

[ChickenAlgebra]

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Yea my DH gets baby fever... although he's awful cute carrying around a newborn

My mom said she still would take a kid if she had the chance and she's 54...so it can last a long time I guess.

My DH is adorable with newborns. But HA, big tough guy slightly pouting that he didn't have another baby girl. Buddy, you knew all along it was twin BOYS, they are identical, there is no way there is a third kid in there.

Plus not sure we could handle another girl, DH spoils them insanely.

 

[Orchid]

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No one imagines "just cutting their friends off" when they decide to have kids. I don't think until you've actually HAD a child, you really realize what goes into the responsible raising of one. Those first few years take all your time and energy and a good deal if not all of your money, too. You're often very tired from being up at night, and trying to find enough time in the day to balance your checkbook and do laundry is a monumental task - never mind the luxury of seeing your friends. There are days you would love nothing more in the world than to hang out with your friends for a few hours, but instead your kid has the stomach flu and you're cleaning up puke and wondering if you'll know exactly when it's time to take them to the doctor or if they'll be okay.

I have noticed that mothers who don't work outside the home have a bit more time to socialize, but it's typically at a place that is centered around the children - because trying to sit in a swanky coffee shop with a 2 year old with boundless energy is not exactly relaxing.

Instead of taking it personally, try dropping by a friend's house or office with a special coffee and 15 minutes of your time to spend chatting - I guarantee he or she will enjoy it as much or more than you will.

 

[Sonoran Silkies]

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So are you waiting for them to call and say, "hey, let's do lunch"? Or are you willing to make the call and say " hey, how are you? Let's meet at the park so we can watch your kids play while we catch up with each other, and maybe we can have lunch at a kid-friendly place afterwards"? As others have said, time becomes sparce & priorities change. Not that they don't still value your friendship, it is just that compared with overwhelming exhaustion, never enough time and the demands of giving infants and toddlers not only what they need, but also what ou want for them, there simply isn't much left to give.

 

[Carols Clucks]

If these friends are important to you, take a moment to make them a meal that is frozen for after the baby comes. Make sure you don't just drop in, cause there are days they might not be feeling good. When you are there, ask if you can help them with anything. Be there as a friend even when their life is changing. Recognize that other parents of infants might have more in common with them at that point than you, just because they are at a new point in life and probably looking for some one that is feeling the same way they are right now.

Remember that hanging with your friends, might now be sitting on the couch making fun of a stupid tv show or looking at baby clothes.

 

[punk-a-doodle]

As someone who genuinely finds human babies...repulsive, I still have kept my friendship's with women who had kids (and men who became fathers). I'm not sure what your situation is, but for me, it has just been a matter of understanding that their lives are very busy and do have new priorities, so I don't expect to go out with them every week or anything. They still invite me to special occasions on the rare event that they have a group gathering, we still hug and giggle when we see each other, etc, I just don't see them very often. They are the kind of people who you can just pick things up where you left off with them, so even though we may only send an occasional email or see each other very rarely, I still have the joy of feeling very close to them as people, and that is enough for me as far as my relationship with them goes. If it is at all possible to do that with your friends, I would try for that. Understanding that you won't see them much, but not having the hurt over feeling like they are out of your lives or that you are out of their thoughts forever. I always see a lot of them when something goes wrong with their kids, husband, life, etc., and I am happy we have the trust where they know they can come to me for that. Even though some know my feelings on babies from before they had kids, that has never seemed to hurt our relationship. I still am happy for them when they have a baby, devastated when something happens with their child, etc. So, hopefully with you loving babies, things will work out even better for you.

My best friend is hands down my husband. But, outside of him, I have a pretty wide range of friends, ranging from teens, young singles, old singles, elderly people, janitors, etc., so there is always someone around to do something with. Adding new friends doesn't mean losing the old, and I really think keeping a wide range of people in your life helps a ton with socialization. That way, not everyone is having a baby or getting married all in one year for you. Best of luck to you.

 

[I have WHAT in my yard?]

I still have one good friend who does not have kids who hung in there with me through those early years. Yes, child rearing is exhausting and it shifts your world view and changes your priorities and what you talk about so, yeah, it can be hard to feel connected to your child free friends.

The ones who recognize that and like sonoran said ask them to do something they can do with you with the baby. Later, and I do mean later you can invite them and encourage them to take a little time for themselves. But, don't expect too much don't give up if they say no twice or ten times. I found it very hard to be away from my kids when they were little even when I really craved adult company!

AND, be the one who is on the look out for post partum depression. I had a severe post partum depression and pushed away friends who did not understand and let it go. Post partum depression is a whole other issue.

Life is changing. There is a reason why there are social clubs for child free people!

 

[ebwy2]

my son is 14 months old. I barely have time to shower never mind socialise. "me time" is a concept I only vaguely remember, and I've lost friends - the ones who can't understand that all day every day revolves around changing his nappies (diapers), trying to get him to eat, cleaning up his messes, has he napped yet.... I don't have anything else to talk about most days because that's all there is in my life now. So I get accused of being a "baby bore" but if I'm asked what's going on for me then they have to expect to be told that he's teething or has walked 10 steps or whatever. I'm still interested in what's going on for them, but if they think I can act the same as I used to then they are delusional as I've averaged 5 hours sleep per night since I got pregnant (lovely insomnia... ) and he take a lot of energy so I'm just too tired to make an effort.

 

[Runt Of The Litter]

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am female,twenty seven and dont fit either groups,

wont ever have children [of the human kind] and woud rather be bitten by a brown recluse spider than socialise with other people.
though,am well aware of how different people become after they have a baby-sister had had her baby at the beginning of april,she and the bro in law are like hobbits now,and a support staff had had her boy last november-she said life has completely changed for them as everything has to revolve around the baby-sister said the same thing.
babies keep people up throughout the night as well,and it makes them to tired to use the internet much until the baby gets into a proper sleep pattern.
am rarely able to speak to sister on the internet nowe used to email each other often and use tinychat sometimes but she has to go bed early and is doing a lot of other house and baby type stuff earlier on.

moral to this sort of issue,dont have a baby,get a cat,or chuck chuck instead.

 

[Marcymom3]

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So are you waiting for them to call and say, "hey, let's do lunch"? Or are you willing to make the call and say " hey, how are you? Let's meet at the park so we can watch your kids play while we catch up with each other, and maybe we can have lunch at a kid-friendly place afterwards"? As others have said, time becomes sparce & priorities change. Not that they don't still value your friendship, it is just that compared with overwhelming exhaustion, never enough time and the demands of giving infants and toddlers not only what they need, but also what ou want for them, there simply isn't much left to give.

This was great advice! By the way, as a grandma I can tell you that it never really does stop. Once you join the ranks of motherhood you will find you have a lot more to talk about with your friends who have kids already. They may seem dull now, but they will become a wealth of information for you in the future. Best of luck!

 

[CityGirlintheCountry]

People tend to socialize with people in the same life situation. Single people hang out with single people. Married people hang out with other married people. People with kids tend to hang out with other people that have kids in the same age bracket. Most people don't cross those social boundaries. As long as you are doing those things at the same time as everyone else, you are great. If you are out of sequence though you are just pretty much screwed. As a 40-something single, childless woman, let me just tell you that it won't get better. If you are not in step with you friends, you will slowly lose close contact with them. It is just how it is.

If you are especially close to some of them you can potentially hang on to the friendship, but it will be YOU making the effort to continue it. They will be focused on their husbands and children (which is also just how it is). If you can be content with that, then it is fine. I still have a few married friends with kids and I love seeing them. I just don't see them very often and many times their kids are with them when we do hang out. I like their kids fine, but it is a very different kind of socializing.

The good news is that you can and will make new friends. It's not the end of the world if a friendship changes its shape. You will find friends that want to socialize the way you wish. More friends is never a bad thing. Start volunteering or participating in activities that you enjoy. You will meet other people in your life situation that can and will hang out with you. There are others out there like you. You just have to go find them.