.... i have had so many medical bills this yr that were unexpected and not small, that my girls will have to be happy with what "disneyworld" dad buys. he can buy ipods, ugg boots, etc but will not pay 1/2 their medical bills. which would make such a difference here. i have even sold my motorcycle, and will probably sell my old family china before the winter is out. but he just had a big wedding and a honeymoon to ireland. he is also been 'founded' by cps for hurting our oldest, yet they just elected him football commissioner for our local PAL league, everyone thinks he is so wonderful, so giving, supportive etc. if they only knew! child abusing domestic violence repeating sociopath ... does he understand priorities? today is the day i normally put my tree up and get excited about the family season. i will not be having a "normal" holiday this year, and maybe not for a while. on top of all the death we have had this year in the friends and family category, i cant seem to get any enthusiasm for a normal family gathering with my family. my brothers son, Dale (aged 3) passed away in march unexpectedly and i cannot stand the idea of facing holiday cheer with out him, and my brother in such pain. my brother has lived with me most of his life. they lived with us for over half of Dale's short life. then they bought a condo only 5 minutes from us. my girls were involved up close since he first moved in utero. this was the first birth they really understood, and babysat, fed, bathed and cared for him from day one. my oldest felt he could have been hers. they even did the supervised visitation with their dad at my brother's house. my oldest babysits their 7 yr old daughter 2x a week now. on top of this my youngest daughter's best friend of forever was killed in a car crash in july. alora's senseless death on top of dale's death was too much. we had only just begun to recover emotionally from our accident (also with fatalities). my youngest is no longer in regular school but in a supportive day school program since she cant seem to handle regular high school any more. my oldest is failing. since then i have had more deaths. a co-worker i was close with, a friend of 20 yrs, a great-uncle, my real estate lawyer murdered (dh grew up with him) , and a student. some came with warning but others did not. (my student population is a lot of court placed gang kids so.... it is always a possibility but never easy). so sorry for the rant. i do not feel comfortable dumping it on dh when he is so down about the real estate market and his own health issues. i have gotten every one in house in therapy but it is a slow process. thanks for "listening"... things have to get better. right?