who else thinks the holidays are going to be hard

[Chicabee19]

I think once the celebration of Christmas goes away, the whole world will be that much happier and well-off. I could list all the reasons - suicide, poor people being pressured to spend money they don't have, ad infinitum... Surely you all know what I mean?

 

[BeckyLa]

I am so very sorry you are going through this, I cannot image the stress and pain you, and your family, are going through.

I do think WoodlandWoman has wonderful ideas. And I am wondering if it would be healing for all to take Christmas Eve to remember those you have lost, to gather as a group, and to celebrate their lives and the fun and enjoyment they gave to each one of you. Each person talking about their most special person and the fun and funny memories they have. Then on Christmas begin creating new, fun, memories with your children. Maybe even pick a special place to visit on that day that everyone would enjoy and begin new fun traditions you can build on from year to year that are not expensive but everyone would enjoy.

I sincerely wish you and your family all the best

 

[PineBurrowPeeps]

The holidays are a depressing time for me as well because of grief reasons (financial too, but a different situation).
In 2004 we lost our baby boy on December 23rd when I was nearly 7 months pregnant. Exactly 3 weeks later we lost my father-in-law very unexpectedly. Exactly 3 weeks from then my cousin died in his sleep in his mid-30's while he had the flu.
Losing my little boy two days before Christmas was horrendous. I tried to go to the mornal family gathering but no one knew how to act around me and I had a Sister-In-Law who was exactly the same gestation I was and were both having boys due on the same day so it was really awkward. I kept sneaking off and bursting into tears and finally just pleaded with DH to take me home.
I find that people get uncomfortable in the face of grief and don't know how to treat the person, they either ignore the whole situation or they try and doctor you to death by constantly bringing it up. Either way can make you feel worse if they aren't on the right wave-length.
My littlest child will be 3 tomorrow. I cannot imagine the pain your brother must feel.
We have an ornament for our little boy (we named him Faelan), and a stocking that gets put up every year now. Even though he's no longer here it doesn't mean he's not still part of our family.

I'm really sorry for your losses and I sympathise deeply

 

[English Chick]

I am sending massive ((((HUGS)))) to all of you.....Woodlandwomans ideas are super. We could also explain to our children that Christmas is not about expecting presents (expensive or otherwise) it is about celebrating Christ's Birthday and goodwill on earth. Hopefully that way they will not expect huge presents bought with money we have't got and will understand that this year we shall keep Christmas simple, with simple presents........given with tons and tons of love xxx

 

[shelleyd2008]

I feel for you this year. I remember what it was like the year my mom passed away. Nothing has ever been the same. I know that your situation is a lot different, but it will get better.

Have you tried the Salvation Army? Or any local churches for gifts for your children? I know the SA has a wish tree program, and a lot of churches do as well. Your kids would not need to know where the things came from, only that they did. I know you probably aren't as worried about the gift part as much as the rest of your troubles, but I know with me, when I have been short on cash, it makes me feel worse thinking that I can't get something nice for my little one. Maybe you could check out a local goodwill store or consignment shop for clothes for them?

With me and my siblings after mom passed, we all sat around telling stories of our memories that we had of her on the holidays. I think it helped us to get through without her.

 

[rufus]

I remember one Thanksgiving in the war, we were down in a ditch picking leeches of each other, and someone said "Hey today is Thanksgiving." And someone else said "what have we got to be thankful for?"

Then someone farther down said "well, we are still alive."

Then everyone laughed!

Rufus

 

[Jena]

I think Woodland Woman says it all here.

Maybe instead of thinking of this holiday season as a happy, cheerful time, you could think of it more as a time to be together and be there for each other. Even though some are missing, you can still give comfort, support and love to each other. It's a wonderful gift, to provide a safe place for a grieving heart, where they don't have to do "fake cheerful."

For your children, are there some pleasant things you could do together during the holidays, that would make nice memories? Like decorating gingerbread men and cutouts. Or stringing cranberries and popcorn. Or making ornaments. Maybe you could invite their little cousin over to do some of these things, too. This might be a good year to start some new traditions, that don't carry any histories along with them.

I hope that next year will be a better year for you and all of your family.

I too can fully understand your situation, and I have also suffered some grief recently that seems to just keep coming, but I am fortunate that my sons are grown up and have lives of their own.

But try to view this holiday as a time for solidarity between you and your family. You are still here and still working togethere towards the future, make it a time to underline the past and move on. Make a ow between you that this is it, the end of the bad times and you are working now to a good time out there... in the future, starting from this holiday period.

Best of wishes to you and I really hope you and your girls feel better.

Jena.​

 

[Acre of Blessings]

Purplebaby I am sorry to hear of all you have been through. I know exactly how you feel. In 2005 my husband and I, with our children, attended 5 funerals.

On valentines day, my Dad passed away, then my husbands uncle, then my uncle, then my husbands Dad (he was buried on our youngest daughters b-day), then my cousin that was just 3 weeks younger than I.

I feel your pain, I know what you are going through. I have an ex that hasn't seen his child in 4 years and now suddenly he is threatening me with court. He's the one that stopped coming around, not me.

I understand, and God does to. Here is a list that may help you, it sure helped me. God bless.

12 Things you need to know when you are feeling down.....

1. God loves you. You are never outside of God's care.
2. God hears your every prayer. You are never alone if you can talk to God.
3. God works through you. Loving yourself and others is God at work.
4. God's plan is unfolding even when you do not understand it. Surrender your will to God.
5. God's grace is always found in the present moment. Stay focused on the present.
6. God has not asked only you to cope with problems. They are part of every person's life. Refuse to indulge in self-pity.
7. Rid yourself of negative thinking. You cannot enjoy life when you are filled with complaints.
8. Be grateful for your many blessings.
9. Be kind. Acts of kindness transform the world.
10. Support one another. All of us are a valued part of God's creation.
11. Be cheerful. Happiness is a choice you make every day.
12. Learn from adversity. Your troubles are great teachers.

 

[purplebaby]

THANK YOU SO MUCH

chicken boards rule!

you have all helped me get through a really rough day. some days are so much harder than others. i am going to be ok, my kids will be ok, my family will make it. i just have to keep repeating that.

my girls do understand about Christmas not being about presents (except from dad) . for all their troubles they seem to understand the important things, like family. i dont want to change that! i will buy some small things, with laughs or memories in mind. i would like to find/make some special ornaments also.

today i am going to make an arrangement for dale's grave site and visit with him a bit. then i am going to come home and clean up the mess my husband will have made (he is making new closets), cook dinner for us and have a nice quiet evening. the girls will be home tomorrow night from disney dad's house. it will take a few days to return them to caring thinking teens rather than materialistic monsters. once next weekend comes i will have looked up things to make for the animals outside so we can do it TOGETHER and have a good chat. i can ask my brother if i can pick Seana up too!

we will survive the heartbreak and the rest will be easy.

 

[spook]

One thing I made clear through christmas at our house was that homemade was more valuable then everything that has to be out bought, biggest, brightest and the best gift or the let down was crushing.
Why should any year be made different? When we get things for our family through the year, how can we out do on the holidays? Time to teach some different rules, also, teach that $5 in a card is nice, save enough and they can buy their own item, or discuss meeting them 1/2 way on money.
Just because you have money, doesn't mean you have to use it. Just because you don't have money, doesn't mean your holiday has to be crappy. Time to donate time to the community, its a great gift to recieve and also give. Everyone needs something. Cupons make wonderful gifts, you have the computer, you can do so much.
Good luck!