Why can't you just be proud of me?

[Tala]

Every day I see people complaining about their teenagers doing crazy things and acting out, or moving back home, no work ethic, no responsibility, and the list could go on and on.

I just wish my mom (parents) could be proud of me for plain ole normal things! I moved out at 19, married at 20, bought a house at 22......but is my mom proud of me for being a respnosible, independent, capable adult? I have never had to ask them to bail me out of tough situations. They've never had to get me from jail or anything bad like that. I didn't even have to ask them for money when I was unemployed - I just budgeted the money that we did have.

She wants me to live her dream for my life, and I want to do what I want to do. I think that's the problem. Nothing that I want to do is good enough.

My whole growing up life I was herded in the direction that she wanted me to go. Now that I'm on my own I'm trying to figure out just exactly what it is that I want to do for a living.

My mom and I don't talk often, but those once in a while phone calls to catch up, ya know.
Mom: So are you thinking about finding another job? (first of all, it took me 11 long months to find this one I don't know why I should be in any big hurry to leave it, but I do understand that I probably won't be delivering pizza for my entire working career)
Me: I was thinking about going to school to be an EMT or something, work on ambulences helping people.
Mom: Why would you want to do that??? They don't make enough money for what they do.
....


Maybe, just MAYBE it's not about the money, it MIGHT have something to do with what I want to do with my life.

It's not just this, other careers that I have thought about mom has shot down with her negativity. Basically if I'm not sitting in a plushy corner office, it's not good enough. Me? The idea of being stuck in an office all day every day scares me to death. That is NOT how I want to spend my life.

It's MY life mom. Be happy that I'm
independent
responsible
hard working
drug free
arrest free
even mostly drama free!!!

 

[PineappleMama]

I hear ya... I REALLY do... for the longest time it was Be A Doctor... finally worked up the nerve to say no way could I do that... if a patient died on me I'd just FREAK out, I know that... so then she switched the litany to Be A Vet... like it would be so much easier to tell a kid I just killed their puppy.

Took a while, but eventually she's decided she's quite happy with me being a plain ol' normal human being... happy marriage, healthy happy kids... no jail, no CPS, no drugs, etc (like my sister GAH!)...

It was a long, really frustrating, road but we eventually got there... just do what you have to do and let her work through her own problems. Eventually she might come to love and respect the woman you are, instead of only loving the little one you were.

I love your EMT idea... that's an incredibly hard job, and a fairly thankless one... the response to "I'm a doctor" is usually a lot different from "I'm a nurse" and also from "I drive an ambulance"... most have No Idea what it really means... that if not for folks like that the doctors wouldn't have a chance to help those people... I'm very thankful for the dedicated, wonderful folks who helped us keep my Gran with us as long as we had her. Thankful for every single day. So, more power to you!!

 

[Mahonri]

If they aren't bankrolling you in any way, you just don't need to take it. Make your conversations short and polite.

Next time she calls, tell her your pregnant with triplets and then let the phone get fuzzy and disconnect....

 

[Tala]

Quote:

Well, one important detail would be that my dad was diagnosed with prostate cancer last week, so I don't really want to cut all communication right now.

But all of the stuff happened in my first post well before the diagnosis, over the course of years...

 

[Show Me Chick]

Sounds to me like a mother that wants the best for her daughter. I'm sure she's very proud of you, who won't be? Your a hardworking law-abiding citizen!I bet she's worrying about your future and if you will have enough for health care, future children and retirement. When she's nagging on you just let go it one ear and out the other and remember she's only doing it because she loves and wants the best for you.

 

[twentynine]

Quote:

Well, one important detail would be that my dad was diagnosed with prostate cancer last week, so I don't really want to cut all communication right now.

But all of the stuff happened in my first post well before the diagnosis, over the course of years...

Prostate cancer is very treatable.

4 biopsies and 1 surgery --- I'm good.

You live your life.

In my family it was always my little brother was the "golden child". My older sister was the brains. Me, I am/was the worker.

Brother is gone, sister is always busy, that leaves me to put out all the fires.


You pays your taxes and takes your chances, do what you gotta do. It will all come out in the wash.

 

[helloroe]

I have had the big important management position with lots of pay....and stress, causing trouble with my marriage, no time to see my children, health detiorated. Now I am a stay at home mom taking care of my garden, 21 laying hens, 7 chicks, 15 meaties, and 3 dogs and I LOVE my life.

BUT I also have the two VERY successful brothers that breeze into town and I then hear from my dad, as I have my entire life, how smart they are, how they have worked so hard, how they are so accomplished, and I am just playing in the dirt after all that college. I smile and look at him and say "Yes and I am the happiest I have ever been isnt it great!"

It is not easy to ignore family but realize they are not you. Just as we do not like the same foods, we do not have the same goals. If you can look yourself in the mirror and smile then you are already ahead of most of the population. Be proud of yourself

 

[paridisefarm2009]

Quote:
Well I am not your Mom But I am proud Of you!! Wish there were More people Like you, You Go girl !!

 

[ChksontheRun]

It is hard to live with your parents expectations. Sometimes I think our parents want to push us to be what they never could be. I think it boils down to....Are you happy with who you are? If you are, then thank God every day, and try your best to ignore the jabs from your Mom. Don't close off communications, she is the only Mom you have and you will be sorry in years to come if you don't maintain that relationship.

 

[chics in the sun]

I have wonderful parents, but my Dad is the one that does this to me sometimes. What did he say when I finished college? "Are you going back soon for your masters degree?" No - worked for 8 years in my field, and that's the best thing I could have done - that way I know exactly what I wanted to do for my Masters. He bugged me the whole 8 years about it. And when I finished the Masters? "You should get your PhD." This, after 4 years of working full time and going to school part time. That time I asked him if he wanted Grandchildren, because if he did he would have to lay off the PhD thing! I was pregnant a year later, and he hasn't commented on it for a long time now. (A PhD isn't worth much in my field, anyway).
In a way, she has certain expectations because she feels you are capable of them, and she wants your life to be a good one, so try to look at it that way. Then do whatever makes you happy, as that is always more important than the money.