will I survive raising my 16 year old daughter...

[chixie]

thanks everyone for your support...

 

[sparkles2307]

I was dumb till I had my first kid. I actually hopped on the back of a harley once with a guy who pulled up next to my friend and I at a traffic light and never once thought about what might happen. Thank God for my Guardian Angel because the guy just gave me a ride and returned me without a scratch, but MAN was I stupid! You just dont think about ANYTHING more than the thrill until you have something to teach you about the fear of loss.

 

[wombat]

So far, I seem to be lucky. Mine seem to have some common sense, and understand consequences. I've tried to raise them the way I was raised; given responsibility early and often, and just enough supervision. I recall growing up that helping a neighbor cut a tree down was always a big event, and neighbors helped neighbors. It was a rite of passage to finally be allowed to use a chain saw, and while you might be willing to do something stupid in front of your own dad, you wouldn't dream of doing it in front of someone else's ... lest you be back in the "kid" category for a few more years!

Mine have benefitted a lot from helping to take care of animals, being entrusted with learning to use dangerous tools at a young age, and so on. I'm hoping that the combination of trust, responsibility, and the resulting self-esteem pay off when they hit those dangerous years.

I did a lot of crazy stuff when I was at "that age", but I was always the one who said "gimme your keys, you're not driving" too. If my parents knew half what I did, they'd have had a heart attack, but they brought me up with enough sense to know what was too stupid.

One Sunday I had a soccer game, and making my way back home, came across a motorcycle accident. One of the victims was one of my team mates and a good friend; he'd been drinking all afternoon and never got around to going to the game. He died on his way to meet up with the rest of us for some post-game beers, on a Father's Day many years ago. I've moved away from where I was raised, but while "back home", I took a soccer ball to leave on my friend's grave. I took my kids along, and told them how he died, on Father's Day, and how we miss him, but will never see him again. A sad lesson in life for my kids, but just part of trying to prepare them for the world.

Do your best, hope, and trust.

 

[dipence71]

What dr's are you going to lol I have been wanting my DD17 treated for depression & PMDD ect for YEARS and they just wont treat kids with out having to go through the whole psychiatrist trip. Which my DH is very opposed to so therefor my DD17 thinks the same thing and since he wont ok it she refuses to go.

I believe it does run in the family (chemical imbalances) My whole side is nuts to one degree and his is nuts the other way so our kids really don't have much of a chance. But no one will do anything about it....

 

[australorpchick]

Quote:
$20 bucks a week! That's more than my allowance and I'm the primary breadwinner. My girls are 13 and get $10.00/each every other week. Once or twice a week they cook dinner, dust, sweep, vaccum, clean the bathrooms, wash the dishes (daily) and do their own laundry. They are part of the Honor Society and are involved in sports. My husband and I require that they are involved in at least one team sport. I buy their clothes and may or not get their opinion, before I do so. Their allowance is tranferred from my account to their account and they have to ask me to get cash for them and give me a valid reason for spending it. If they want to earn extra spending money we have special chores like washing the cars, painting the fence and dusting the baseboards.

We meet their friends' parents before they are allowed to go to their homes. We encourage their friends to hang out at our house and have many sleepovers. I'd rather have a huge grocery bill and a houseful of squealing teens and know where they are, who they're with and what they're doing.

My daughters were taught the value of a dollar from early on. Just recently, I gave them the choice of school shopping at the outlets stores of American Eagle and Aeropostale. They both turned me down and asked that I buy these brands used off Ebay, since the shirts at the outlet cost $20 and they know I can easily get a couple of shirts on Ebay for that price.

It's okay to be tough with your kids. You're the parent, you're supposed to be.

 

[Sharons7]

Pick your battles and realize if she is still safe and breathing, then this too shall pass.
My oldest daughter is now 19, just finished massage therapy school and is full of life. She put me thru the ringer though. She is a miracle.
On May 9th 2007 she put a .41 round in a 458(elephant gun inherited when hubby's grandpa passed) put it to her chin and pulled the trigger.
Without going into the whole story which is a miracle/ghost/amazing story she survived with only a strained neck, gun powder burns and a small scar dead center under her chin. This event made me rethink what really matters in many areas of life. This event changed us all for the better, most of all her.

Love her above all else, keep guidance and boundaries on her for her safety allow her to be her to safe limits and love her for who she is. Life could change ever so quickly.
Blessed be from a wonderfully blessed mom.

 

[okiron]

Man I wish I got $20 a week, I got $10 a month, just enough to see a movie and get some candy every month lol. I did most of the household chores too besides cooking dinner to earn that $10.

I really wish my son doesn't drive me insane too bad but I have a feeling he will. He's an ornery little boy, even at 5 months.

 

[chixie]

I didn't get allowance... we were raised you help out around the house... you live here you help do the chores... we also didn't get much extra things except for christmas, birthdays and a little for easter... If we wanted something between those holidays we had to find odd jobs (like babysitting) to get them

 

[Tonopah Pati]

Tough Love is probley the answere, I agree with checking with your state to see if she can tour a jail, homeless shelter, and places like that. I raised 6 kids, 3 boys and 3 girls, 4 were teens at the same time. You will not be sane untill they are 30. My home state in Mi. Had a program where you could take your kids to jail for a day, that helped all of them. As far as giving them money for nothing, I don't think so. My motto was you don't work you don't eat. we all live here we all make a mess and we all will keep it clean. They need to do there own laundry and things like that. They had to earn thier free time. Let them choose the punishment, the child will usually choose the one they hate the most. Don't ever break down, if you do they know that they can control you. Rules with Love. Computer only for homework ( supervised) I think a self defense class is a good idea. I still talk to my girls about that. I was attacted years ago, I am so glad that I knew how to take care of myself. It saved my life.

 

[twentynine]

She earns her money are she gets none.

She does her school work or loses priviledges.

I have no answers to the "How do I motivate my daughter or son to do right?" question. I don't know how to play any "head games" to get a child to behave. All I have is experience from raising 3 of my own. My method was simple, in order to get something they earned it, period the end. Any transgression was considered a major transgression, and treated accordingly, and immediately.



Got three kids baby girl is 28, graduated college, teaches high school in a nieghboring parish. Oldest boy, 32, graduated college with honors, works as a real estate agent. Middle boy, ahhh the middle boy, 30, took him 6 years to get out of high school, left home before graduating. Long story short he is busy making life decissions that are incompatible with normal values.