Would satellite TV be too much? UPDATED with kid's reaction

[crtrlovr]

This has been a very interesting thread; thanks Cetawin for sharing. I feel for you; I've been "sort of" in your shoes. When my husband and I married, I inherited his 4 children, the oldest of whom is 6 yrs. younger than I. She was 14, next girl was 13, then oldest boy was 11, youngest boy was 10. (are we having fun yet? NO!) In other words, when I got them it was at the point where they all lost their minds...

We are all thankful that we all survived and no one ended up in jail for murder...

Thankfully we all get along now, but man, there were definitely some rough times. Looking back, I think my biggest mistake was that i was not CONSISTENT. I'd try something for a while, and if that didn't work, I'd try something else. If I tried being their friend, that was GREAT! -- until it came time for correction or discipline. If I tried more discipline, they felt unloved and like they were in jail or reform school. I was basically a kid trying to raise kids. They never knew what to expect from me, and God knows I CERTAINLY never knew what to expect from them!! Stick to your guns, Cetawin, make sure your kids know they're loved, but make sure they understand that God has given YOU & your HUSBAND the responsibility for doing all that is within your power to ensure that they grow up knowing how to be responsible adults, and that it doesn't mean you're responsible to make sure they're happy about everything in life. In the end, what a person becomes is due to his own choices, but your willingness to invest time, effort, guidance, and prayer into them will certainly help them when it comes time to make those decisions, and hopefully they won't be made lightly.

 

[kstaven]

Quote:
I can relate to this from your DD's side of the equation. The only reason I graduated was because I had the opportunity to attend a High School that had a work at your own pace system. If you worked ahead of the schedule, turned in all assignments and passed the regular tests they didn't care if you cut class. Personally I think it worked out better for students who needed extra attention from the teacher when they hit a trouble spot. The catch to the system was you HAD to maintain your grades. If they slipped you where removed from the program.

 

[Rhett&SarahsMom]

OMG

YOU ROCK!!!!!

My coming 6 year old told me the other day that she wants a TV, with TiVo. DVD player. And a computer for her room.
She isnt even 6 yet!!!!! Kid figured out that her room is already wired for cable and the house is wireless for the internet

Of course we have told her no. Maybe when she is older. When I can take things away from her and put them in the coop for the girls

 

[AllChookUp]

Hang in there, Cetawin - I've been there. My daughter is now 25, but when she was a teenager, I would have put her through a wall if she had been a boy. We removed a lot of priviledges that she thought were "rights".

You have to stay strong and be consistent. You have my sympathy and prayers.

 

[Rhett&SarahsMom]

Quote:
If you raise a kid with love, but also teach them respect and priorities, you will have nothing to worry about in old age.

Letting a kid get away with whatever they want will not make them love or respect you, especially if they end up as a failure in life. In fact, I think they'll be more likely to be selfish and forget about you in your old age.

Kids crave discipline and boundaries, and are more likely to thrive under a parent that cares about them -- but has firm rules -- than a parent that lets them do whatever they please. Setting logical but high expectations will usually cause a child to aim for those expectations. This true fact can be found in any child development textbook.

I totally agree. I have seen the kids with no structure or rules.
My own cousin was raised this way. Guess how much his parents see him or their grandkids. Maybe once a year. And they live within a hour.

 

[Mom 2em All]

Quote:
That is a special concern for me. In addition to all the regular teenage crud they go through at that age girls are often pressured not do well in school. That doesn't justify her outrageous behavior, but it's a heads up that you may have some more to deal with.

My son does the exact same thing??? He is 15 (and a half, lol), and he is missing so many assignments- he cuts classes all the time. He is a brilliant kid- retains information, can ace a test, quiz, etc...but he doesnt do homework- OR, he does it and doesn't turn it in. There are so many papers that he does, but he gets a zero because he never turned it in, or turned it in late.

My son thinks school is a social place where you are either cool, or a nerd. He chooses to be 'cool'. He goes to school to socialize, and is very popular.

I just caught him skipping school on Tuesday. Dumb $#@ took off running towards the woods, when I was leaving for work. He was at the corner. Had he not ran, I would have never noticed him. After all, I had dropped him off at school, I would not have been looking for him.
I went to the school with his history book that he had forgotten (duh, don't need your book if you are planning on skipping). When they asked me what class he was in, I said- "Well, that depends on if he is here today or not." The counselor secretary looked it up on the computer and told me that he was absent. I told her, "He is skipping. Suspend him. I dropped him off at the school this morning."

I love my son- and he is way too smart to continually screw up his education like he does. He is too big for me to pick up and hand deliver to class. I have taught my children that they are responsible for their actions, and any consequences that their actions cause. He was dumb enough to skip and get caught, he deserves the punishment for skipping.
Not to mention, my gutters need cleaning while he is on his 'vacation'.

 

[Cetawin]

Yes it is so true that kids today are so different than we were in my generation. Sadly, there is no "reprecussion" system any longer. At least not until they hit the criminal stage.

I remember distinctly getting paddled in school by my teacher for speaking out of turn after being warned not to do so again. I also remember that before I could explain to my family they had already been advised by the teacher. I got 6 more spankings. Dad, mom, grandmother, grandfather, great grandmother and my great grandfather. They all lived with us and they all disciplined us. I realized very quickly that 7 butt whippins in one day was just not worth breaking the rules.

Ya know what...I lived through it, was a better person because of it and have no regrets about my upbringing or my family's methods.

Today however, the poor teachers (who are my heros) cannot control their own classrooms any longer, they can barely speak out of turn to a student and they certainly cannot put their hand on their backside. Now, I ask you this...how can we raise responsible, law abiding, educated, honest children when we can barely discipline? Or worse, when we do discipline them someone (a person whose identity remains safe from your knowledge) calls social services and you have a nightmare on your hands that can last for years.

I have told my son (who is now age 24 and a father himself) and my DD age 12, my rules are there to help you and keep you safe...break them and your butt is mine. If I go to jail, they will drag me away while I am kicking your butt, when I get out I will kick your butt again and continue to do so until you HEAR ME and obey my rules. Period...no more discussion...that is my law.

I had a social worker from social services (back then it was HRS) come to my door about my son and a claim of neglect. I had a high school gal that met my son at the bus every afternoon, took him to my condo and stayed with him until I got home from work. She was in an auto accident one day and she called the office to tell me about the accident and that she would not be there to meet Stephan. So, I had given my 6 year old son the instructions that if she ever failed to be there, to go into the real estate office that he got off the bus in front of and call me at work. Well, he did just that and he waited until I got there and I thanked the lady in the office and took my son home.

That lady called HRS because my 6 year old got off the bus alone and had no one waiting for him at home. Well when the lady showed up I was livid. I asked her if she wanted to raise my son and she said "Well now maam that is not why I am here", I asked how many children she had raised and she said "I have no children as of yet I just graduated college" I then asked if she thought she was capable of telling me how to raise my son and she said "Well maam that is my job" I LOST IT. I lit her up like the 4th of July. I explained in a very unfriendly manner than there was no textbook that explained how to raise a child and no two were alike and therefore could not be handled the same. I went on to tell her that once she got over her acne to feel free to come back to my door and complain but in the meantime to hit the road because she was standing in MY livingroom. I threw her out.

End result was that the matter was dismissed as I made a point of making it dismissed AS UNFOUNDED.

I mean...what the heck do they expect us to do? Give them everything they want, let them do as they want and pay for their actions instead of them paying for them?

Oh it makes me irritable to even think about it.

She is doing much better BTW, still no electronics and still grounded until I see a progress report. Hopefully, she is getting a clue and turning in her homework.

I know she is doing it because I have been checking it. We will see.

 

[MagsC]

I can sympathize!!!! My two boys were pretty easy to raise but my two oldest girls, whew, it was one WILD ride! I raised them by myself and did much the same as what you have done. They were VERY stubborn....

Now I just have my last child left at home, age 16, but because I set an example with the older children, she KNOWS what I am capable of and I generally have no major troubles with her.
Keep on being a great parent!